Go to College and Take a Cooking Class Already

Yeah, I was lazy so I just wrote this in iambics. Personally I'm getting sick of iambic. I see so much of it. There are other meters out there. Throw a dactyl in every once in a while. Seriously.

There is a café I know of

That has the most atrocious food,

And I’ve perused past critics that

Will speak so high of rotten fare

That’s daily served as fine cuisine.

 

The food’s atrocious. I can tell

It hasn’t been inspected for

A year or more where it lay out

To broil in the choking heat.

There’s maggots crawling through the food

And each and every person there

Will get some rare and unbeknownst

Disease to make your tongue fall out.

The reason that the food is bad

(Besides ingredients that suck)

Is every cook preparing meals

Received an “F” in cooking class

(And that’s if they had gone at all).

 

 

But then each chef will take his turn

To blow each critic that he sees

So when you read the paper you

Will see their fabulous reviews.

But what should I expect from them,

They hire all who will apply,

And maybe one or two are good

Per thousand, or per million here.

In truth I know I can’t expect

That all the cooks will be superb,

It’s just that every meal I get

Is curious to say the least.

 

 

Reviews

[Penulis Kecil]

I often find poems written to a specific style to be quite forced (and hence find myself avoiding them) but I'm glad I stopped long enough to actually read this one. I really hope you've used a bit of creative licence and exaggeration in the piece, though (and if not, I'm taking note of your name so, should I ever visit NY, I know where not to eat)!

Something about the very final line, though, just doesn't seem to quite fit with the rest of the poem.

On the other hand, I like the start, and I'm in love with "The food’s atrocious. I can tell / It hasn’t been inspected for / A year or more where it lay out / To broil in the choking heat."