Preview of Chapter 1

Here's a preview of Chapter 1 in Whirlpool! The full chapter can be viewed on May 19, 2012 @ 5:30pm (Central)

1-New life

            Rosalinda was always the bubbly person in the class. Her personality was one her teacher, Ms. Hankford, wished all her pupils had. She always turned in her homework, never got in trouble and she was always the first one to have her hand up when a question was asked to the class. It was June 10 and graduation was just one week away. Every senior was clearing out their lockers for the new seniors to have when school started again next September. Memories and laughs would be left in the hallway. They would only take a yearbook to recollect all those blissful days.

            Rosalinda reached her locker with her best friend, Aubrie, and started pulling mini posters off the inside. Rosalinda was crying intensely inside when Aubrie broke the silence.

            “I still can’t believe school’s almost over… I mean it feels like it just started!”

            “I know, but you want to know what sucks the most?”

            “What?”

            “I can’t even go to college with you or college at all…I have to visit my aunt in New Mexico for some stupid training!”

            “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier? We might have been able to convince your mom that you need a college education…But I guess she wants you to be some sort of spy.”

            “Worst part about it is I don’t even know what training I’m going to be doing and why. I think my mom just wants me to spend some time with my annoying aunt and her kids.”

            “I don’t know Rose…It doesn’t really sound like your mom to just ship you off to New Mexico when you could be attending Stanford University with me or any other college that is.”

            “I guess we’ll just have to find out.”

            The bell rings and the girls realize they’re going to be late for Ms. Hankford’s long lecture about how grammar is always good to study during summer vacation since it can help you when you’re filling out a college application.

            “C’mon we can talk about this when we go to lunch. We’re going to be late for class.”

Author's Note

Please do not copy any of my work. It is wrong to plagiarize. If you want to use this piece then let me know and I will arrange something.
Disclaimer****
This is unpublished work by Veronica Lynn. All of this work is my own.

Reviews

[M]

A nice hook to start off a book though I would've liked to see more description in the chapter. What do Rosalinda or Aubrie look like? Where is the school they attend? What does it look like? How close as best friends are Rosalinda and Aubrie? Where did Rosalinda want to go to college?

These are just some questions you could answer in the chapter to give more depth and life to your characters and the story. Right now it's very dialogue heavy and jumps into a crisis for the main character just as we're getting to know her. I would've liked to see the chapter build up to this more. :D

[Tapher]

cool, it leaves alot of questions, and it draws a reader in to see what will happen next, cant wait to see what happens next myself, keep going, great job :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A good opening chapter. Set-up the main character and the storyline. A good opening chapter. Please sent me read request. I read them all.
Coyote