The First Sip

Mmmmm Coffee

The first sip of coffee burns, 

but it's always worth it.

The next few sips then confirms, 

It's going to be a good day.

But with the last few sips my heart yearns,

for another mug of life.

But with an empty pot my heart turns to rage,

towards my lazy roommate!

Reviews

[Rita L. Sev]

"Another mug of life" - yep. That about sums it up! Being a caffeine addict, I get this one!

[Sioranth Smith]

As a coffee snob, I love this poem. I'd rather skip a meal than skip my coffee! You asked for comments/suggestions, so I'm offering my opinion. :) I feel like the last line (while funny) doesn't quite fit as well as the rest of the poem, but being the punchline, so to speak, that might be the point, to sort of throw it off center? Adding the "but with" in lines 5 and 7 also made the flow stutter while I was reading it the first time, but I was able to read it in a way that was fluid when I reread it with the awareness of the meter shifting. Aside from those two minor observances, I thought this was a fun read and it made me happy I don't have a roommate! :)

[Lobster Goldberg]

I'm going to think about this. I didn't intend to have a punch line but I threw it in. I agree it is a bit forced :) and you are right.. The 2nd But When needs to go! :) thanks for the advice

[Sioranth Smith]

Quite welcome! Glad I could offer an opinion. :)