Confined

I appear in an empty hallway, the long narrow path is between concrete walls. I'm frightened of the unfamiliar place and begin to run down the hallway, hoping to find a way out. I run for miles and the hallway looks the same at every angle. I don't see anything that symbolizes that I'm moving in a certain direction. I panic more. Begin to sprint forward. My lungs hurt. I begin to cough. My legs are ready to collapse. I slow down a bit to catch my breath and wipe the sweat from my face that has fallen into my eyes.  I can only feel hot wind that seems to be coming from above me. Looking around the maze is mostly dim with only faint colors of light in red, blue, green, purple a dirty yellow, and a soft pink. The patches of colors on the pitch-black concrete walls appear sporadically. I look above me and I see dark grey clouds that are one shade of darkness away from being black. The clouds are so close to the ground I can feel the humidity directly soaking in my skin. I notice my skin is saturated in sweat as I notice I'm naked, standing alone, in silence, with no other sign of life or death. As the reality of my surroundings mentally sinks in, my mind overwhelms with anxiety. I start pushing on the concrete walls to see if a wall will budge, I push so hard my arms tense up and can't project any more force.  A sense of confusion strongly occupies my mind. I’m not sure where I am or how did I get here. 

The dim colored lighting is shining on a something in the distance. Hesitantly I walk in the direction of the light and finally come up to the object. A mirror stands in the middle of the empty hallway. I inquisitively stare at my reflection surrounded by darkness and the low lights of color. I reach out in front of me to touch this odd looking mirror. The mirror looks like a lake with no view to what is on the other side, only a reflection of a person. My finger remains touching the surface and then I proceed to attempt to fully enter the mirror but now it begins to shake and then spits out a bolt of electricity that shocks me and throws my body back five feet into the maze. I pick my bare body off the floor quickly and return to the mirror, confused by it’s rejection and it’s ability to act with force. The water-like surface of the man made mirror that appears like water creates a vision of someone that I emotionally recognize but physically I can’t recall. I feel connected, I feel the same, and I feel like one. I approach the mirror again, this time I reach into the liquid mirror and I'm sucked in. I feel a sense of bliss consume me and brings a sense of peace. 

I return to the maze several times, only to find my self more lost then before. I always feel colder, more confused and more alone. I no longer see the colored lighting to help me. The maze becomes bigger, more puzzling each time, the mirror becomes harder to find, more difficult to get back to peace. This last time... I find myself in the maze lying naked on the concrete floor; so weak I can't pick my self up. I start to think if only I can return to the person in the mirror full of life, love, and who brought me so much serenity. I can see her face in my mind; I can feel her waiting for me. I lay there gazing at what use to be grey clouds but they have turned pitch black. I begin to feel the black clouds surrounding my body that lies lifeless on the cold and hard floor.  The blackness starts to saturate itself into my skin; I feel my breath living the body inch by inch. Right before all of the oxygen in my body is sucked out by the black cloud...I REMEMBER! The girl in the mirror was me, she was trying to save me, and time after time I returned to the maze, until she could no longer bring me back to peace. 

 

Author's Note

Does this make sense?

Reviews

[Art]

Nice work...it is said that you are fortunate to find a time where one is all with peace, a moment or time when one is tranquil with everything...and yet one looses that moment and is left back within reality...life...

nice...

[Onyx_Rayne]

This makes sense to me.. because it feels like a dream. It has the frantic pace of a dream in which one is lost, searching for the things that will give them peace.

Sub conscious realization comes at the mirror, the first time, when she feels peace...almost as if, slipping into hersellf, is what she needs to be at peace. Finally at the end she consciously realizes that she...herself is the one who can bring inner peace... acceptance of oneself.

My evaluation may..or may not be what this piece is about, but this is the way I read it...and read in that way, it makes perfect sense.... and nothing about the write needs to be changed.

Great work :)

[Pharaoh]

I really like the idea, though I do think you could work on a few things. The sentences in the beginning are a little choppy, but if you string them together with some commas, it'll sound a lot smoother. Also, the word choice doesn't have much emotion. It seems very detached from the events, even though I can tell you were going for intense emotions. The sentence structure is there to help the mood of the story too, for example, when you were panicking, they could be shorter, choppier, really capture the emotions of the moment.

I hope that helped out! I really did enjoy the concept. It's the same sort of thing I could write.

[Dream Weaver]

Im a poet and not one for stories but I must say this
was fantastic! Very detailed and out right riveting.
A very intense write you have here....Well done Viva.