THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

A Poem by Viv Wade
"

It's not Santa who does all the work...

"

T’was the night before Christmas.  Down in the kitchen,

Our mother was swearing and cursing and bitchin’.

“Oh, why is it me who must sort it all out?”

She moaned, as she decapitated a sprout.

“I do all the cleaning, and shopping, and cooking.

I wrap all the presents, when no one is looking.

I write all the cards, and put them in the post.

I bake the mince pies, like a good Christmas host.

I put up the tree, and I hang decorations.

I cook Christmas dinner, for all the relations.

I even do everyone else’s gift shopping -

They’d only forget.  It’s no wonder I’m dropping!

And every year, it’s exactly the same.

It’s really not fair, and I think it’s a shame.

At Christmas, it’s women who do all the work,

It makes me so angry, it drives me berserk!

Well I’ve had enough, I can’t take any more!”

She stood up, and dropped all the sprouts on the floor.

 

She went to her laptop, and typed an email,

And sent it to every disgruntled female.

“Dear women, it’s time that we stopped being a slave,

Until our families learn how to behave!

Without our hard work, there’d be no Christmas Day!

I’m calling a strike!  Ladies, what do you say?”

 

So all of the women downed tools right away,

As soon as they read Mother’s communiqué.

They all left their homes, walked out into the night.

So on Christmas morning, when it became light,

The families woke up to no smell of cooking.

No sign of the women, although they went looking.

No presents to open, and no decorations,

And no tasty food, for yuletide celebrations.

 

The families didn’t know what to say,

“Where is our Mum?  And where’s our Christmas Day?

Not one of the nice things that make Christmas fun

Have happened this year - why has nothing been done?”

So they all sat down, and they tried hard to think,

Why Mother was not in her place, at the sink.

And after a while they all started to see,

It was overwork that had made Mother flee!

 

“No wonder she’s vanished!  We should have tried harder,

To help with the shopping, and fill up the larder.

We should have done some of the cooking and cleaning,

To make Mother do it all was so demeaning!

We should have helped out with the presents and cards,

We let Mother do it all, that was too hard!

 

We all had fun, while she did all the labour,

Now we’re ashamed of our selfish behaviour.

From now on we’ll make sure we all do our share,

Give Mother a break, for it seems only fair.

She should be allowed to enjoy Christmas too,

Relax, put her feet up, with nothing to do.”

 

So the families sent an emphatic text,

“Mothers, please come home!  We no longer expect

That you should do all of the festive hard work,

We’ve all been so selfish, we’ve all been a jerk!

Come home and relax, you’ll have no work to do.

For this year, we’re all going to wait upon YOU!”

 

So the women went home, and they sat in a chair,

While their families cooked lunch, and ran here and there,

Wrapping all the presents, and trimming the tree.

While mothers relaxed, and surveyed them with glee.

 

So this festive season, you know what to do.

Please let your poor mother enjoy Christmas too!

© 2016 Viv Wade


Author's Note

Viv Wade
If you enjoyed this poem, why not check out my new book entitled, ‘Things Can Only Get Verse' - a collection of humorous poems on a variety of subjects, including: social network addiction, self-service checkout machines, having a hangover, internet dating, dieting, online auctions, getting older, and more. Available on Amazon for only £4.00/$6.00. Life is more fun when it rhymes!

My Review

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Featured Review

Too true. Don't be surprised if the male resolution will have faded somewhat by the next the next festive season.
if I could be so bold, read your poem out loud to get the rythm and flow of your pieces. You have a great sense of fun, and as you say, tinged with sadness too.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Viv Wade

7 Years Ago

Thanks Joe. Yes, I think the women striking at Christmas will probably become a regular thing, as t.. read more



Reviews

Too true. Don't be surprised if the male resolution will have faded somewhat by the next the next festive season.
if I could be so bold, read your poem out loud to get the rythm and flow of your pieces. You have a great sense of fun, and as you say, tinged with sadness too.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Viv Wade

7 Years Ago

Thanks Joe. Yes, I think the women striking at Christmas will probably become a regular thing, as t.. read more
Chuckling here...women tend to be society's glue. Came by to see what was new. Good Monday morning Viv.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Viv Wade

8 Years Ago

Good morning, Chris. I've gone on strike this year, and am refusing to cook on Christmas day, so we.. read more
Chris

8 Years Ago

laughing here - strike is Good! You're worth it! So how many do you take care of - including the m.. read more
While your words hold truth and have merit, find me the woman that trust the others to do what has been her work. She wants the break and wants the help, but in doing it herself, she feels she gets it right.

Great work on your part and oh so true. No matter who does what, the thing that matters is that we are all together. Peace out and Merry Christmas.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Viv Wade

8 Years Ago

My suspicion is that when others are roped in to help with the Christmas preparations, because they .. read more
Willard Wells

8 Years Ago

Cynicism is I expect closer to the true or as I expect you have been held captive for many years and.. read more
Viv Wade

8 Years Ago

Oooh, a tropical island on my own... now you're talking! :)

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512 Views
3 Reviews
Added on September 18, 2015
Last Updated on September 3, 2016
Tags: christmas

Author

Viv Wade
Viv Wade

Black Country, West Midlands, United Kingdom



About
I always thought I’d like to write A bestseller or two, So I resolved to have a go, And see what I could do. I got my trusty laptop out, Placed it on the table, Plugged it in to charge it .. more..

Writing