The Greedy Pigeon

He's one fat, greedy bird...

There’s a bird table in my garden,

And when the ground begins to harden,

I put out lots of tasty seed,

So the small birds can have a feed.

I also put out scraps and crumbs,

But then the Greedy Pigeon comes.

To scare the sparrow and the tit,

He flaps his wings, aggressive git.

 

I’ve never seen a bird so fat,

That pigeon’s bigger than a cat!

It is a wonder he can fly.

A selfish look is in his eye,

He opens his enormous beak,

And eats enough food for a week.

He gobbles, fast as he is able,

Till no food’s left upon the table.

Then with a satisfying burp,

He leaves a tip, the filthy twerp,

He treats the table like a loo,

And leaves a pile of pigeon poo.

 

He cares not if he gives offence,

As he flies off over the fence.

His appetite is quite obscene,

It angers me that he’s so mean.

I wouldn’t begrudge him a share,

But he takes all, and that’s not fair.

He doesn’t leave the smallest bit,

To feed the sparrow or the tit.

 

That pigeon thinks he is so clever,

But he won’t have his way for ever.

I’ll punish him for all his greed,

Next time he comes to have a feed.

To put a stop to all his fun,

I’ll blast him with my water gun,

Then when he is too wet to fly,

I’ll put him in a pigeon pie!

 

The small birds will be glad, I trust,

When he’s beneath a pastry crust.

I’ll put out the leftover crumbs,

For any little bird that comes.

A fitting end to the drama,

What you might call ‘pigeon karma’!

Reviews

[JoeM]

Oh, Viv. Oh Viv. You are leading me astray,and you may do it every day.
--------------------
For someone who doth scorn the poem,
You tie me to my house and home.
Desist, desist, you cheekky wench,
As in football, go to the bench.
Just kidding, Viv, I'll bet you could do 'stand up' too.

[Viv Wade]

Thanks Joe, it's nice to find someone on here who appreciates my silly stuff! Actually this poem is not that far fetched - I've often been seen to run outside and squirt the pigeons with water to scare them away, so the small birds can get a look in. The neighbours must think I'm mad!

[JoeM]

I understand your frustration,Viv. When I'm sitting eating my bag of chips, bloody seagulls come in and loudly take over the territory, and I go to ridiculous lengths to try to get an offering to the little sparrows. I'll get around to lapping up more of your poems, soon again. You make me laugh, and I like that.

[Addict With a Pen]

I love this! Just everything about this poem fits together perfectly. And I love how your lines sounds so bright and happy. Your silly poems make my day!

[Viv Wade]

Thanks Hopeless, I'm glad someone appreciates my silliness! :)