The Heart Knows What's Right by Drachesoul

Questions will be answered such as: Will Kairi and Sora's relationship survive through high school or will McKinley High School's Glee club FINALLY get the respect it deserves? Wait, no they won't.

WARNING: I do not own either the story in which I am reviewing or the characters that are in it. Neither do I own the properties of Kingdom Hearts, Glee, Hercules or Brave. Respectively, they are owned by Square Enix, Fox and the final two by Disney. Also on a side note, if you do not have a stable background in either Kingdom Hearts or Glee you may not understand what is going on.

Fanfic #9: The Heart Knows What’s Right by Drachesoul

Hello kids! I, your guide to the prepubescent insanity that is fanfiction, have returned from a long and much needed hiatus.

Now I know what you’re thinking right now…or at least I think I know: “What is THIS?! Where’s the next part of Face the Strange?! I WANT TO SEE THAT GUY FINISH THAT REVIEW RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW.” Well guys, here’s the thing:

I am postponing the review of Face the Strange.

Trying to review that huge monstrosity in one sitting was a really, REALLY stupid decision on my part. Throughout the entire endeavor I would have to keep throwing in fresh jokes, repeatedly read the dang thing to make sure I am getting the information down right as well as try to keep my social life outside of writing these things. I just wasn’t prepared for that, and I do apologize for the very long delay.

Now, with the apology being said, let’s start the actual review!

For those of you who don’t know, or frankly can’t remember, Kingdom Hearts is the story of Sora as he flys around on his gummi ship defeating dark creatures that lurk in the shadows of different worlds, each of which represent a different Disney movie or franchise, with his trust keyblade. For example there’s a Tarzan world, an Alice in Wonderland world, a Little Mermaid world, etc. Sora flies around on that ship with his pals Donald and Goofy (yes the Disney characters). Other friends of Sora include Riku and Kairi. It was a fantastic franchise and it currently has one of the largest fandoms in the entire world. As the series continued we encountered other keyblade wielders: Ven, Aqua and Terra. Who are they? I don’t know, I haven’t been able to play that particular Kingdom Hearts game.

The reason why I bring those three specific up is because they are included in our first story: The Heart Knows What’s Right which is a crossover with…Glee…oh boy…

I would take some time here and try to explain what Glee is, but let’s face it, you all know what Glee is. If on the off chance you don’t, look it up on iMDB. It’ll explain the premise and characters better than I ever could.

Well, without any further questions let’s dive right into the first fanfic we have in front of us, The Heart Knows What’s Right.

Our story begins with Ventus being awoken from his sleep by his friends Aqua and Terra. Ventus, still tired, cracks his back and asks what they want and they tell him that Master Eraqus wants to speak with them all in the Main Hall ASAP. They go to Master Eraqus who tells them that they are about to welcome some very important guests to the Hall who are going to assist them.

“You see Ventus, Rita’s escaped! I had to recruit a team of teenagers with attitude.”

…none of you got that reference at all, did you?…man I am off my game…

Master Eraqus then teleports Sora, Riku and Kairi to the main hall, and the two groups exchange pleasantries. With Sora being overly chipper, Riku being angst-ish and Kairi being sarcastic.

“Not what I meant when I said attitude, Alpha.”

…Really? Still nothing?...

After the pleasantries, Master Eraqus and Yen Sid (who just walks in) inform the group on what the mission is. The Heartless and the Unversed have returned, and this time they are growing more rapidly than they did before. “We have detected twelve pure hearts that have the power of the Keyblade, though it is currently dormant within their souls. It is your job to locate them before the Heartless and Unversed do and bring them safely back here to train them.”

Ok, so you’re saying that the people who have rigged an election, lost their virginities to perform better in a play and much, much worse are pure of heart? Call me crazy, but I don’t think so.

Terra asks where they can be found, and Master Eraqus replies with “You must go to Lima, Ohio and befriend these other teenagers. Protect them with all of your powers until you can make it back here.”

I think that it’s funny that there are worlds called Halloweentown, Neverland, and Hallow Bastion, and yet the world that the people in Glee live in is Lima, Ohio.

Riku immediately realizes what this expedition means and whines in protest. Ventus, Terra and Aqua wonder why Riku is whining, but then they find out why when Yen Sid tells them that they will all have to enroll in McKinley High School in order to complete the mission.

What if you just go up to each of them individually and ask them like what Professor X would in the X-men comics if he wanted them in his school? If they say no, then you don’t use them. Think about it, you already have six willing keyblade wielders already. What more do you need? It would take less time too if you think about it. Unless you don’t know who they are, and if so why don’t you say so?

The two elder men leave leaving the teenagers alone in the Main Hall. “’What have we gotten ourselves into?’ they all muttered. ‘We must be crazy to go back to high school,’ Terra shook his head. ‘I loved high school,’ Sora disagreed. ‘It was so interesting, with all of the drama and rumors.”

What, you mean on that 3 acre ISLAND you lived on? You know, the one that just consisted of a large tree house, a shed and a weird cave? The island that had no land surrounding it AT ALL, nothing but just ocean for miles and miles FOR AS FAR AS YOU COULD SEE?! The island that you WERE TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM SO YOU COULD GO ON ADVENTURES?! Oh wait, no. You were a child back then. You must clearly mean WHEN YOU WERE STUCK IN A BIG WHITE POD FOR NEARLY ALL OF YOUR TEEN YEARS! I remember that game where you went to high school very well, it was called Kingdom Hearts 3: HIGH SCHOOL FREAKIN’ HIJINX.

“’I’ve never been to high school,’ Ven pouted.”

Well look at that, there’s something you and Sora both SHOULD have in common.

Aqua tells Ven that he should be glad that he never went to high school and shudders at the very thought of it. “’But there were a lot of cute boys,’ Kairi said, poking Aqua in the shoulder as they dissolved into another fit of giggles.”

It appears Kairi’s attitude is still in middle school even though she has already graduated from high school.

After some more complaints, the group finally accepts their fate and put their keyblades together and yells “McKinley High School, here we come!”

Not exactly the BEST phrase to get hyped up before an adventure, is it?

Our perspective changes to Rachel Berry waiting outside of the principal’s office to talk about the importance of not doing drugs.

Uh, does THE PRINCIPAL really need to have a chat about this kind of thing?

The bell rings and she decides to talk to him later, fearing being late for her next class.

Riveting stuff.

As she does, she sees our keyblade wielders attempting to navigate through the school, noting that the boys behind the two girls are “attractive.” She goes up to them and asks if they need any help getting somewhere with Sora telling her that they are trying to find Principal Figgins’ office. After admitting that they are new students, Racheal takes the chance to introduce herself, and Ven responds by introducing himself and then saying that they are all adoptive siblings.

I can already see the unfunny high school shenanigans taking shape.

After saying how it is a pleasure to meet them, she bids them farewell and invites them to meet up at the glee club after school.

Clearly after meeting someone for a second and not even asking about their interests, you will immediately know if they want to be in the high school glee club.

“‘Thanks for the offer, Rachel but I think we're going to"‘ Riku was cut off by a smack to the back of the head. ‘Riku, don't be like that. I like Glee Club,’ admonished Sora. ‘Don't listen to him, we'll be there after school.’”

Also, if Sora likes something that he never liked before CLEARLY everyone else in the group will enjoy it as well.

Rachael pulls out a map out of her backpack and gives them a map, points out the location of the principal’s office and the glee club then leaves to go to class. When she leaves, Kairi raises concern about the glee club because of how its “members got bullied a lot” back when she was in high school.

You do realize that you have keyblades, right? If anyone makes fun of you, you can make them lose their consciousness.

Immediately after, Ven comes up with a plan. “Why don't we just join more popular clubs first and then stop by Glee Club after school for a minute.”

Why don’t you add a question mark on what is clearly a question?

They all agree with Ven and decide to “cement [their] social status first and then join Glee.”

Oh yeah, take your time and join all of the clubs in that high school when A FASTLY GROWING IMPENDING DOOM IS THREATENING TO TAKE OVER YOUR UNIVERSE.

The group then speaks with Principal Figgins on where everyone is going. Through this time, we learn that Terra and Riku will be seniors, Aqua and Kairi will be Juniors, Sora will be a sophomore and Ventus will be a freshman. The story goes on to explain that the group’s wardrobe has changed to blend in with the crowd.

And in classic fanfiction fashion they explain every little detail in their wardrobe that takes up paragraph after paragraph after paragraph.

The story also goes on to explain that Riku and Terra were football players, Aqua was a volleyball player, and Kairi was a cheerleader at their “old school”. After some more dialogue between the group and the principal our chapter ends with the principal being sure that he had “absolutely nothing to worry about” with these new students.

GEE, I WONDER WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE!

The next chapter begins with the group meeting up after school with Aqua, Riku and Terra in lettermans and Kairi in a skimpy cheerleader uniform. Sora, now seeing his bursts out laughing and coments on how he’d “never thought [he’d] see you in a cheerleading uniform again.”

And you would know, Sora. After all, while she was in high school you were ROTTING AWAY IN A STORAGE POD.

Kairi, angered by the joke, proceeds to flick Sora off.

…What?...You are saying that Kairi, Ms. I-Will-Wait-For-You, Ms. I-Know-You-Will, just gave the person who she’s in love with the finger over a stupid and impossible joke?...But the…And the…Huh?

During this part, we get a flashback of how Kairi became a cheerleader and befriended three cheerleaders in the process, Santana, Brittney and Olivia. During this meeting Santana announced her presence by saying “What are you looking at? Yes, I'm gay, so if you have a f****** problem with that then get lost.”

Do I even need a joke for that one?

Ven then tells his story on how he met Kurt in gym class. The two begin making small talk when some jocks come over to chastise Kurt. “So, Lady Hummel, where’s the rest of your Homo Explosion group?”

Homo Explosion group?...What does that even MEAN?

The jocks throw a slushie at Kurt, but then Ven steps in and the jocks eventually run away with their tails between their legs. Terra then tells his story and how he met some nicer jocks than the ones Ven met.

Ok, STOP WITH ALL THE FLASHBACKS. COLD CASE THIS IS NOT.

During this flashback, we see that Terra and Riku met Puck, Finn and Mike. They talk about past relationships, like how Sam used to date a cheerleader named Quinn, and how awesome the glee club is. With nearly all of their stories situated, they are about to leave when Kairi demands to hear how Sora’s day was complaining on how it’s not fair.

Uh, Kairi? How is this not fair? Nobody asked what happened to you, you just told everyone your story and other people followed suit. This doesn’t mean EVERYBODY’s gotta do what you were doing.

Sora attempts to dodge the question by throwing the question Aqua’s way who says “At this rate, we’ll be late to Glee Club”.

At this rate, this fanfic will never end.

With that statement, Aqua convinces the group to just shut up and go to the Glee Club. But Kairi, still angry mutters “We’re so not done here”. Eventually the group makes it by booking it across the campus, and we get to meet the full glee club. These members include the students we heard from earlier, Mercedes, Michael, and the teacher Mr. Shue and with that the group is invited to the group and they sing a rock song together. In the middle of the song, a dark cloud begins to form over the school.

It appears that even Hades from 'Hercules' wants this silliness to end.

Realizing that they’ve been found, Riku curses and tells the other keyblade wielders that they have to leave right now. Terra protests and argues says that they can’t just stop in the middle of a song.

*facepalm*

Riku reminds Terra that saving lives takes precedent before singing. The song ends, with everyone cheering over their success. Puck notices and asks if everything’s alright, Riku responds by saying “Everything's peachy, it's not like there's a huge cloud of darkness headed our way.”

These are our heroes, folks.

Eventually everyone begins to take notice of the odd black cloud and it begins to rain black and blue blobs. Screams were heard, and then Terra decides that it’s time to take action and summons his keyblade. The other keyblade wielders follow suit and begin to battle the blobs, who turn out to be Heartless and Unversed. Back with the Glee club, everyone is confused on what they just witnessed and begin to panic. The Heartless and Unversed begin to form all around the ground in font and they begin to attack the Glee Club.

Oh yeah, nice job protecting the innocents there!

Eventually, the Glee Club members except for Mr. Shue, Artie, Mercedes and Tina get keyblades as they begin to fight and realize what we, the readers, knew since beginning of the fanfic, that they are keyblade wielders!

I would never have guessed.

Eventually, the creatures are all defeated and the five say that they will explain what they were sent there to do as soon as they follow them somewhere. At first they are skeptical, but eventually they are convinced and follow them into the portal that takes them to Master Eraquas’s castle. And the chapter ends with the glee club in awe of the spectacle that they see before them and Riku saying “Things are just getting started.”

Very, very boring and unfunny things.

The final two chapters I am going to have to skim through, seeing on how nothing much happens other than the group trains for the upcoming threat and you’d be bored out of your skull if I detailed every single moment. The Glee Club is amazed by this new world and the five original keyblade wielders teach them tricks to fight the villains, and the fanfic ends with the group running into Merida from the movie Brave while in the middle of training.

What a twist?

Final thoughts: If you haven’t already noticed through my attitude toward the gang from McKinley High School, I am not a real fan of Glee. I don’t openly despise it and criticize, but then again I also don’t like it much as a series, for reasons I will go over in a second. This being said, this fanfic was a combination of both boring and really stupid. This mainly falls down to two things: the premise and the characters. The characters are tolerable at best and downright insulting at worst. The Kingdom Hearts characters are written out a little too much, if you get my meaning. For example, in the game Sora acted silly at times, but still knew when to get serious. In the story he becomes extremely annoying, but somehow immediately straightens out the moment danger strikes. Get it? Kind of like if the character’s traits were overblown to the point of almost being unrecognizable.

And Kairi…oh lord, Kairi…She is the exception to this problem. She acts absolutely nothing like she does in the game. In the game she’s nice and will always stick up for you if you need to be stuck up for. In the story, she flicked off Sora. This being said, she did act nice to the Glee characters, but seemingly only with them and barely if at all to the Kingdom Hearts characters. And as for the premise, it in itself is flawed. Let me ask you a question: How can you have a story with Kingdom Hearts and Glee and not make it bad? It’s like attempting to combine the Hunger Games and the Simpsons; it just doesn't work! And don’t even get me started on the continuity errors!

I think that this fanfiction and “Nightmare at Twilight” are on the same level of bad. They’re both boring and they’re both stupid. If you like Glee and Kingdom Hearts, I don’t suggest you see it. Though the grammar is fantastic, what’s written isn't. If you want, no, DEMAND to see a crossover between these two, go ahead. Just don’t say I didn't warn ya.

Tips for the writer(s):

1. Continuity is King! If in the story something didn’t happen, DO NOT say that it happened without giving some sort of excuse, provided it makes sense. Also, make sure you know what happened in the past stories, or else it will confuse the audience like with what happened with the whole “Sora went to high school” thing.

2. If They Don’t Mix, Don’t Mix ‘Em! Would you put motor oil in your chocolate chip cookies? Of course not! In that same sense, you shouldn't combine two elements that shouldn't be together in a story unless you have a plan that you KNOW will work.

3. Keep It Interesting! Give the readers something to come back to, or they won’t. ‘Nuff said.

OK, I've been reading a lot of crappy crossovers recently. I think I liked two out of the many I've read, and even with one I liked it barely. Though my title does include the term ‘Crappy Crossover’, I think it’s time I read a ‘CLASSY Crossover’. Next time, I’m going to attempt to dig out a personal favorite of mine.

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