Bathroom Tiles

I'm stripping my already too short
fingernails of their
first layer with my teeth.
I can feel the bits of keratin produced
nails sliding down my throat.
They feel like glass.

In the shower, I count the tiles that
are arranged in a pattern on the
wall that would have been blank, if
we hadn't been bored of
blankness-

it's the same number of tiles, again
the number never changes. But I count,
anyways. To pass time.. I guess.

The hot water doesn't skip a beat
of pouding against my backside in
awkward accompaniment with the
shallow beatings of my internal
clock-beat heart, that ticks
closer to death with every pump.

The room becomes steamy and the
hot water begins to run out, again-
this happens every time.
It's getting harder to breathe, in here
and I'm getting cold.

My toes and fingers are throbbing numb
and purple- and my reddened eyes are
almost swollen shut. i'm a mess.
My knees give in and the rest of my
body follows them to the base of the
tub near the soap bars that my shaking
hands dropped in attempt to clean myself up.
but, it'll take more than a shower to clean this
all up. I've realized that on these
contemplative situations

alone in the bed of my bathtub.

I don't have the strength to get out,
or to reach for the dial- but
my body has the strength to
heave heavy sobs of frustration
and anguish. I can see my chest
cavity rise and fall at almost the same
rate as my heart beats, fast to keep
my body warm. pumping blood through
my veins to keep me alive-

This makes me remember your
soft chest- and the rising and
falling motions it'd make. I think
then, of your rough calloused hands
and how I often wished the were
more smooth and gentle. I trace
my left hand with my right index
fingertip, imagining the way you used
to.

I can't take this. I force myself over
the edge of the basin and lay, disposing
cold water droplets off my pale gray,
cold skin- on the black and white tiles
of the bathroom floor. I'm sprawled out,
naked- where you left me.

Author's Note

Please visit my xanga if you like my writing.
http://www.xanga.com/chasing_heartbeats

I love feedback. Please review and send me suggestions and ideas on how to grow with my writing.

-Kelsey

Reviews

[r]

Oh God. There is so much emotion in this piece, so much information, such sadness and beauty. I just love this poem, and wow. Amazing.

[Robin]

such a great depth of emotion and use of words to create striking images. I like this very much

[Moonflower]

I love your style.