The Tipping Point

a satire about the worlds most infamous politician

The Tipping Point (A Satiric Homily) (650 words)

(Inspired by the song, “Eve of Destruction” by Barry McGuire

 

     Once upon a time in a land very similar to ours, lived a Duke who ruled his lands with an unsteady hand. He was none too bright, had a surly disposition, lacked imagination, and was wickedly cruel and quite full of himself.  He was beloved by few, hated by many, and feared by all.  The Duke of Orange, Ronald Reginald Rumperdump, lived a luxurious lifestyle while the majority of his subjects lived on crumbs and biscuits. The Imperial guard and his shock troops kept his subjects in line while the Senate Emporium, were mewling and groveling lapdogs who kowtowed to his every whim.  Life for the average peasant was pure misery, where hunger was a constant companion and death their salvation. But there was a flickering light at the end of the Rumperdumpian tunnel. A rebellion was brewing.

 

     “We need to strike now, My Lord. The peasants are getting restless; they want to be free of the Orange Rascal’s yoke, no matter the cost.” Grand Duke Moland Mc Miden heard this from General Shumocker every day since the Dukes coup d’e tat. Patience was never his strong suit. “General we can’t rely that the peasants will rise up and take arms against the Duke when we command it. They well remember the coup he skillfully orchestrated against me. He has the most ruthless and powerful armies in all the eight kingdoms. Their fear of him may outweigh their hatred. We need to have a full chamber of bullets in the proverbial six-shooter before we strike. There’s no need to scowl, my friend, for we now possess a loaded revolver. By week’s end that Orange B******s head will be on the pike. A new dawn is rising on the Eve of his Destruction.”

 

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     Chancellor Mucus McDonald prostrated himself before his master and said, “Oh great and illustrious one, it has recently come to my attention that some of the peasants are complaining about the food allocations we graciously give them. They claim it’s not enough to fill their bellies.”  Upon hearing this Duke Rumperdump went into one of his classic rages. His eyes bled blood red as globs of snot poured out his nose. Spittle and food particles spewed out his mouth.  “How dare they beg for more food? The crumbs I give them are enough to sustain their putrid lives. I will send those ungrateful b******s what they desire, a choice piece of meat.”  The Duke took an ax from one of his guards and started to hack away at the Chancellor. Rumperdump so enjoyed old McDonald’s screams as he chopped off his limbs and other body parts. “Send this to the rabble in the courtyard. Leave the head; I’ll want that in my trophy room. ” He turned to the palace fool and said, “Brimsley Sham, my fool of a fool, you are now the new Chancellor.”

 

     The Dukes of the Seven Kingdoms gathered around the Grand Duke and re- pledged their fealty. The Duke of Orange was a cancer that needed to be eradicated. His evil influence had a long arm and needed to be put to rest. They only hoped that without the full support of the peasants, that the alliance alone was enough to stop the Orange Beast.

..............

 

     Rumperdump’s human meat distribution was the tipping point that led the peasants’ to a full uprising.  They were sickened by his contempt and disregard for their welfare and human decency. They stormed the castle.

 

“Sire! Sire! The peasants are breaking through the gates. Our armies are being routed. The Grand Duke is entering the city. I hereby resign my commission as chancellor.”

 

     They found Ronald Reginald Rumperdump, huddled in a corner whimpering like a baby.  He stunk of urine and feces. “Please don’t hurt me. I’ll be a good boy I swear I will. Momma! Momma!”

 

 Thus ends the idiotically stupefying tale of The Orange Idiot.  

 

 

 

Author's Note

trumpsers go at it