To the Boy Who Made Me Afraid of Love

To the Boy Who Made Me Afraid of Love

A Chapter by Deborah Dhue

To the boy who made me afraid of Love,
I definitely don't hate you: we're still friends. But I know that a lot of my self-destructive habits erupted from our relationship and our breakup. I was willing to give you everything, but I know now that even if I had, nothing would have changed. You still would have stopped loving me. After awhile, you just wanted me to be your w***e, but I'm not that type of girl. Now if I start to feel for somebody, I shut down. I think they just want to use me. I tell myself that I shouldn't love other people because no matter what I do, they'll never love me back.
I've gotten pretty good at building walls and pushing people away because honestly, being single and sometimes lonely is better than going through what you did to me again. I'd rather cry myself to sleep and pine over someone than let them get close to me. Maybe there were times I was clingy or over-affectionate, but I was an immature teenager who thought she was in love. Maybe I was; who can say? In the end, I guess we weren't meant to be together, but I wish that I didn't have that understanding and knowledge at the expense of my own heart.


© 2018 Deborah Dhue


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Added on January 24, 2018
Last Updated on January 24, 2018
Tags: letters unsent, anthology, personal, letter, negative, reflection, my life, love, heart break


Author

Deborah Dhue
Deborah Dhue

Alton, IL



About
I write poetry and prose for fun. I hope to publish some work one day. I also play piano and draw. I love art and language. more..

Writing



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