The Toilets of Saint Paul's: A Celebration

Silly song about a cathedral's plumbing and the person who loves it. A bit of parody on the Bells of Saint Clemens.

Saint Clemens’s sing, “Gurgle-gooo;” Saint Mary’s urinals
Go “Kliggle-flaggo plip,” just like at Roman Bacchanals.
Saint Peter’s cans say “Marmy-doo.” That’s cute, but best of all
Is the celebrated “THROOMBY” at  the Toilets of Saint Paul’s!

Hark! Adults and children, what sweet music to us calls!
A tinkling, a lovely splash: the Toilets of Saint Paul’s!
The day, it dawns at daybreak, as the women don their shawls,
And there, roaring in the distance, are  the Toilets of Saint Paul’s!

The architecture’s majesty! Oh, the glory of the walls!
The statues and the frescoes! All the sparkling crystal balls!
We marvel at the iron work, in all the springs and falls,
But mostly at the gutters, drains, and plumbing at Saint Paul’s.

I flush with great excitement as I’m entering the stalls, and then
I drop my trousers, sitting on the Toilets of Saint Paul’s.
My loins relax with comfort as the cascade gently falls:
A golden contribution to  the Toilets of Saint Paul’s.

You revere the Sphinx at Giza and those Russian nesting dolls;
You can focus your attention on the modern shopping malls!
But for me, and for my fam’ly, we shall give our little alls
Just to swell the reputation of  the Toilets of Saint Paul’s!

And I’ll never cease proclaiming them, as long as duty calls,
For they’ll never drain my energy! Those pipes, my soul extolls!
The U-bends are magnificent; there’s writing on the walls!
I wish to end my days upon a toilet at Saint Paul’s.

Amen