Memory's Cold, Mocking Voice

Memory's Cold, Mocking Voice

A Poem by Well Blow Me Down!

A poem of depression, loss, and blame

Memory's cold, mocking voice
Echoes in my ears
Recollection's chains echo in my brain
And I can't block out his jeers

He replays ev'ry kindly thing
My ex-friend said to me
Because I don't know why they chose to go,
He suggests why, cruelly.

And it all is so convincing
That I grant that his reasons are true
It IS all my fault, for their love did halt
When my wretchedness they knew

"Should you not be glad that they did escape,
"They were able to break free?
"Nevermore inflict, on the ones you picked,
"Such perverted misery."

Though my conscious mind is aware these barbs
Are all baseless, hurtful lies,
I feel full of shame, I embrace the blame--
I'm content to self-despise

For a real guilt stabs me to the hilt
If I claim that they were mean;
They are perfect souls whom my mind extols.
Cursing them would be obscene!

Well, each and every night I'm filled with fright.
Bedtime brings my picture-show
And I think they're here, saying "I"m here, dear--
"And I'll never, ever go."

And I know what's next--I look 'round, perplexed,
For they've vanished from my sight
Oh, I wonder how they're doing now!
Yes, I do so ev'ry night.

"If you weren't so queer they would still be here,"
Says my memory. "Too bad!"
And I clutch my pain to my heart again:
The best pal I ever have had.

Yes, I'm confident it's my pain's intent
To console me all my life
Little does he know, I'll force him to go!
Cut him free, thus, with a knife.

© 2012 Well Blow Me Down!

Author's Note

Well Blow Me Down!
A bit of Tolkien, a bit of Dickinson

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Added on November 24, 2012
Last Updated on November 25, 2012
Tags: depression, abandonment, subconscious, loss, grief, friendship, net friends


Well Blow Me Down!
Well Blow Me Down!

Yunlin County, Central Taiwan, Taiwan

I'm a college professor of lit and music, an expatriate from the USA. I'm into all sorts of creativity. (function () { document.write("");} () ) more..