I paint the town red

I paint the town red

A Poem by bluesaturn

A slam poem about my abusive ex-boyfriend.

Some nights I am filled with peace.
On other nights,
I paint the town red in his blood. 
I smash every single one of my memories,
until I feel brand new again.
I dream of becoming a millionaire
so I can set fire to all of my things
and only own things, he has never touched.
I wish I could do the same to myself
without dying.
My lips have forgotten what kissing him tastes like
but my stomach recoils at the memory.
He wrapped his arms around my throat
and threatened to call the police on me.
Nobody believed me,
as he twisted every word I said into another lie.
A prison of his own making. 
I daydream of him losing everything.
In reality, I am the one who has to pick up the pieces
of everything he destroyed.
I paint the town red 
with all the lies he has told me
and set fire to a life built on them.
Sometimes I go back to the first time,
the first fight 
and tell myself to get out now.
Nothing is worse than his hand wrapped around my wrist.
Holding on so tight, it will leave bruises on paper-white skin. 
I still get panic attacks, if someone grabs it
just to hold my attention.
I feel more anger inside of me
than any body can contain
and I dream of painting the town red in his blood.
But I am the author of this story.
I am stronger,
than he ever had any courage to be.
I am good.
And I paint the town in all my favorite colors
and I paint over his face. 
I paint over the pain and the anger.
I paint and paint and paint
until one day, it becomes a masterpiece
and I will be everything
and he will be nothing.
Some nights I wanna paint the town red.
Some nights I feel at peace.
One day he'll just be forgotten.
One day I'll be at peace.
And my masterpiece will be a rainbow.
I am the author of this story.

© 2020 bluesaturn

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Added on February 17, 2020
Last Updated on February 17, 2020
Tags: abuse, breakup, domestic violence