Whenever I'm With You

4 years 6 months and 6 days left

I have found eternity of love

as I rest in your arms,

and I don’t have infirmity

when you’re around.

I am not scared of anything

for I know you are with me,

I am in joy

if only you can see.

you waiting patiently 

will never be in vain,

We just have to free ourselves

from eyes and pain.

one day you will proudly say

I am your love,

remember, I adored you ever since the start.

I’ll be with you

even if we are apart,

I’ll be with you

for I know  our love will continue it's spark.

I’ll be with you 

in sickness or wellness,

every moment is breathless.

with your smiles of gladness,

and a shed of happiness,
just believe as we continue moving mountains.

Now, go! climb the top!

I’ll be at your back!

We will raise your flag!

And we will live what we have!

Dream what we want!

And speak what we've got!

for whatever danger that lies with us

I’ll never leave this spot.

being with you.

Reviews

[dan]

Wem, This is a very sentimental and loving write; the fact that it IS such a profound expression of love makes it a poem you should do your best to make right. I am saying that I agree with Bear's suggested corrections. It would be a shame to write such a sentimental and loving piece and have it pocked with less than adequate sentence structure. I know sometimes when I write something I'm so excited about it I want to post it immediately! But I have to exercise self-discipline and proofread it to make sure it is correctly spelled, punctuated etc. But after all that is said I wish to recognize the beautiful sentiment and message of love this piece conveys. take care...dan

[annalysiar]

A lovely poem gentle and smooth

[Bear]

Critique: In the first line you say you have found "eternity" what do you mean by that? Eternity meaning timeless, forever, or without end. One might say " an eternity of happiness" or something similar, so an eternity of what did you find as you rested in those arms?
(Your patience of waiting) This is worded awkwardly, you might consider wording it this way "Your waiting patiently will never be in vain"
(I just have to free ourselves) "We just have to free ourselves" I meaning just you, ourselves meaning more than just you.
(I’ll make sure every moments are breathless) "every moment is breathless" this puts it all in the same tense.
(for whatever danger may wrath) what do you mean by "wrath" which means vengeance, punishment, or fierce anger?

Review: The determination for love is legendary in many heroic tales, you have captured that sense of determination and the emotional sacrifice. Well done my friend, Bravo! Clap! Clap!

[Wem Ortiz]

I am glad that you had time to share a very helpful constructive criticism thank you sir! thank you for always helping me with my writings.

I'll take note of it! hehehe

[Bear]

I am just passing on the help I received when I first started writing :~)

[Coyote Poetry]

Very good flow of thoughts leading to good ending. I liked the thoughts and wishes in the poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[zunie frost]

true emotional with smooth flow i really like this line
" i will be with you
even if we are apart "
this is awsome i really loved reading it .... thanks for sharing such a lovely poetry

[Xander West]

I enjoyed the piece overall. You create an image of longing with your words. However, I didn't like from moving mountains down. I don't know....to me, it just seem to lose the flow. I understand the passion you are trying to capture, and I enjoy the over piece. Great job. I hope to read more soon.