These things which defeat the kill.

These things which defeat the kill:

 

       The saints that raise their bones to an unknown grace

       The praying hands on tear saturated fields

       The rapture unveiled, destined to consume space

       The suffering of ages that the sea and mountain shields

 

              an empty throne, a kingdom vacated

              no bread is crumbled for out discarded heroes

              doused in moon poison, the new land is sated

              and ringing bells for the death of Crows

Reviews

[Jonathan Ballam]

The imagery is very intense and moving. It's dark and gothic, by reading this I feel buried back in a Cathedral in the 18th Century. Even though the first paragraph works, I would spread it out into two paragraphs which would still keep the rhythm but also give a 'tighter' flow to the poem.

Moments that stand out would the 'saints that raise their bones' and the last line. One other more minor sugestion would be to change the title to 'Discarded Heroes', which I saw was your subtitle.

Thanks for this piece though, loved reading it!

[Michael]

You do make the reader pay attention. Al though I don't think your style of writing is everyone's cup of tea, it does provide those that give it a chance a brew well worth the sip. Everything about it carried power and makes the reader think.

I like this one a whole lot!

[emmajoy]

Yet another post that defies the norm. Great meter, phrasing and words... you truly have a unique gift of telling what you see and making the reader visualise.