DEPARTED

DEPARTED

A Poem by wijdan

Though she never showed still i felt the pain 
And i cry for the reason i can never feel her again 
I know i cant sit with the pain, i have to move on 
But i still see her image in dark light of dawn
Its hard to be believe that really she is gone
And she left me with this pain to face it all alone
No matter how much i try, i cant wash all that stain
But there is one thing i can do , hope and pray for the rain 
Your body left me but soul never parted
And yes for the world you may have departed 
 

© 2011 wijdan


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Reviews

this is beautiful..i live the sadness it gives off

Posted 11 Years Ago


A quick grammar fix up and proper capitalization here and there is needed. Just the formatting overall needs to be fixed. Sad poem; It was alright.

"And i cry for the reason i can never feel her again." For some reason this line just stood out to me. It somewhat interrupted the flow? Maybe you could choose another wording?

"No matter how much i try, i cant wash all that stain
But there is one thing i can do , hope and pray for the rain."

My favorites lines but it is in need of a revision.
" I can't wash the stain."

Not " all that stain". If you wanted to speak of more than one stain.. try..
" all those stains."

Posted 12 Years Ago


Oh how sad :( It is filled with emotion and keeps the reader drowned with feelings. Keep it up! :D

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Aw this is so heart tugging and sad. Awesome rhyme and flow.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Awww... This is so sad, and yet, it has a happy ending. It has hope. Beautiful.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Amazing poem I love this.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Those last two lines are so deep! Great write!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I Can feel the pain and the strong voice that you are trying to raise in your poetry.
its raw and straight from the gut....
too Good!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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301 Views
8 Reviews
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Added on December 10, 2011
Last Updated on December 10, 2011

Author

wijdan
wijdan

Srinagar, India



Writing
THE LOST THE LOST

A Poem by wijdan



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