The Bright Eclipse of Insanity

Meanwhile in a parallel world...

Bright Eclipse of Insanity

 

Mr. Blooming was driving to the market one day to buy some salted mackerel for his daughter. Halfway to the market he runs into Mr. Salti who happened to be crossing the road. The road is splashed a brilliant scarlet, as if an artist flicked a wet paintbrush towards a canvas. Surprised, Mr. Blooming walks out of his car, and says, “Why hello there Mr. Salti pleasure meeting you here.” Unresponsive, Mr. Salti lays there with a pool of blood slowly trickling from his mouth. Mr. Blooming cheerfully replies, “Wonderful day today isn’t it? You look awfully active.”

With a smile, Mr. Blooming picks up Mr. Salti and shoves him into a potato sack and throws him into the trunk with some difficulty. He drives through a carwash to clean the blood stain off of his lovely Bentley. After a few miles, he sees Ms. Calim on the sidewalk. Delighted, he halts his vehicle and punches a hole through his window, “Good morning Ms. Calim, where are you going today?”

Ms. Calim replies, “Oh, I was going to meet Mr. Salti for a lovely afternoon at the harbor.” Mr. Blooming’s eyes light up, “Really? Well Mr. Salti happens to be with me right now, let me get him for you.” He pulls out the scarlet potato sack out of his car and hands it to Ms. Calim. “Here you go!”

Ms. Calim opens the bag and her eyes widen in shock, “Why thank you Mr. Blooming! Now I don’t have to worry about tonight’s dinner.” Mr. Blooming tips his hat, “Much obliged” and drives off.

Mr. Blooming continues to drive until he sees a cardboard box filled with mewing kittens. Mr. Blooming gasps, and veers his car towards them, flattening them with a sickening crunch. Mr. Blooming steps out of the car, and sighs in relief, “Whew, for a second I thought someone was going to take it, good thing I was the first to find such a good parking space.”

He locks the car and heads to the market. He passes the vegetable stands which had a fresh batch of turnip oil, and the fruit stand which smelled like rotting corpses. While he was passed the meat stand he sees the butcher, Mr. Dassi, creeping away from his stand. Mr. Blooming follows Mr. Dassi and sees him slaughtering a mass of baby seals Mr. Blooming gasps in shock, “Mr. Dassi what in the world are you doing?”

Mr. Dassi, turns around knife in hand and shirt soaked in blood, and gapes at Mr. Blooming with blood-shot eyes. The two stare silently at each other for a good minute when Mr. Dassi opens his mouth. “Argh… you caught me, I guess the game’s up,”

Mr. Blooming chides, “I cannot believe you Mr. Dassi, of all the despicable things, this is the worst.” Mr. Blooming’s mouth slowly stretches into a grin, “How could you possibly be holding out all of these goods from me and the rest of the customers, Mr. Dassi you sly dog.”

He scratches the back of his head apologetically, “Sorry about that it’s just that I worked so hard to obtain them that it felt wasteful to give them all up so easily.”

Mr. Blooming nods sympathetically, “I understand. But Mr. Dassi you should really sell those goods, you’ll get really popular if you do.”

Mr. Dassi shrugs his shoulders, “Alright, I guess I’ll do so. Oh yeah, since you’re such a good understanding customer I’ll like for you to have one.”

Mr. Dassi hands Mr. Blooming the blood stained knife, who happily receives the gift.

He thanks Mr. Dassi and leaves.

Mr. Blooming then happily whistles to the fish market which was assorted with exotic fish. Mrs. Starway leans in and asks, “What can I get for ya honey?”

Mr. Blooming thinks for a moment and snaps his fingers, “Why yes, I’m looking for some salted mackerel for my wife and daughter back at home.”

Mrs. Starway sighs, “Well, I’m sorry then honey, we’re plum out of salted mackerel.”

Deflated he sighs, “I see that is unfortunate.”

Another customer approaches Mrs. Starway and says, “Um, excuse me Mrs. Starway…”

Suddenly Mrs. Starway pulls out a revolver and blows his brains out. With a blood-stained face she turns to Mr. Blooming, “Well, so long now Mr. Blooming.”

And points the gun to her head and sprays the fish stand with her brain matter.

Mr. Blooming replies, “Goodbye, Mrs. Starway.”

Dejectedly he walks to his car where he sees a gang of thugs trying to break into it.

He immediately pulls out his phone, and presses the call button detonating the automobile into a blazing inferno. The bits and pieces of the delinquent, rain from the sky. Mr. Blooming sighs, “Well, I guess I’m walking,” And crushes a pancreas on his first step to a long walk home.

After many hours, he finally returns. When he opens the door, he is greeted by a cute, young girl with blond hair with outstretched arms, “Daddy!”

With a glimmer in his eyes he opens his arms wide. He then grasps her, and swiftly breaks her neck, killing her instantly. A woman who stood on the stairway sees the dead girl and screams. Mr. Blooming throws his knife at the woman, impaling her in the throat. Her body rolls down the stairs, hitting every stair on the way. He stuffs the corpses into potato sacks and drags them into his basement. He exclaims, “Gracious me! At this rate I’ll run out of potato sacks before February 29^th rolls around!”

“I should borrow some more from Mr. Salti. I’ll do so the next time I see him,” he says with conviction.

At the bottom of the basement he is greeted by a gigantic, terrible creature that had pus-colored eyes, swirling tentacles and a gargantuan mouth filled with spiral of teeth. Throwing off his jacket he exclaims, “I’m home darling!”

The creature responds, “Grahahehdfhgsf!”

Then the beast wraps its spiky tentacle tightly around his arms and legs. Blood oozes from his penetrated skin, Mr. Blooming say with a wince, “Darling how did you know? My legs have been killing me all day.”

It violently tears him vertically in half. As the blood slowly leaves his body, Mr. Blooming smiles with melancholy, “Why thank you honey, your massages always help.” The creature devours Mr. Blooming, and does the same to the potato sacks

Empowered by this energy the creature, the terrible Strictors, lays many eggs, and multiplies. Strictors were terrible creatures. They devoured children, pregnant women, and forced the ambidextrous to crawl on their bellies for the rest of their days. Under their reign humanity was finally united as one, livestock. Men, women, the brilliant, and the dull were forced to reproduce and build fifty meter silver monuments of perfect spheres. Many resisted this rule but all rebels were sacrificed to the malevolent pyramid god.

After one-hundred years of the “Silver Era.” the universe decides to deteriorate into a water bottle defying Einstein’s petty theory that arrogantly assumed that it understood every facet of the universe. Then Mr. Blooming’s soul drinks all of the contents. And since Mr. Blooming’s soul lacked any sustenance it dissolved to nothingness effectively leading to the end of time, space, and macadamia nut cookies.

 

That is it, there is no happy end. You never should have expected one, and you shouldn’t have expected a cookie either.

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

Well! If I may, I will try and steer clear of this parallel world. Of course, absurd ghoulish black humour has been around a long time. Monty Python's blood-spurting limbless knight springs to mind.

I think this went on a little longer than necessary. I wondered how many more encounters Mr Blooming was going to have. It could have just gone on and on .... Eventually he's eaten and we move into a conclusion. For me, I would cut out a couple of the incidents and get to this sooner.

You tend to mix tenses in a few places. So for example he heads to the market in the present tense but the vegetable and fruit stands are described in the past tense. Nearly all of this is in present tense, so I would double-check and change the few past-tense ones to present. The other thing you do is skip punctuation by not putting in a comma where one should be, the other thing you do [as just here after 'should be'] is use commas when you should use a full stop and start a new sentence. You mainly do this in your conversations / direct speech sections. I personally find this irritating; but far more importantly it can mean the reader has to go back over it to check they understand.