Grapes

An experience of divorce and its aftertaste.

it hurt when you left.
and worse
when you asked me to do the same.
on again
off again
on again
gone.
covenants
agreements
professions
confessions.
deceptions
anger
frustration
depressions.
pills and groups and lies.
we spun them together.
weaving a life.
we walked on it.
or at least you did.
I cried on it.
we mourned it.
or at least I did.
we moved on.
or at least we both tried.
now we're standing on opposite sides.
no lawyers
no courtroom
just six months then signed.
just lying on social
justifying each side.
if we stopped for a moment
with eyes open wide.
maybe we could've
stopped in time.
to still be friends.
to feel respect.
to live more honest.
to keep the guilt, the shame, the pride.
from rotting inside.
but it's over.
and has been for some time.
we plant flowers on the grave of our life.
we've both started over.
me, several times.
we both found new persons
you kept yours this time.
so thanks for the memries.
I'll keep them
they're mine.
some bitter
some better
some cruel
some kind.
we both have regrets.
well I do.
it's fine.
I'm deeper
I'm better
I'm broader of mind.
I'm stronger
I'm keener
I'm nicer
I'm kind.
I'm grateful
for then and for now
I tried.
I regret nothing
except hiding
except pride.
thanks for the journey.
we parted mid-way.
but I'm better now.
you be too
what else could I say.

Author's Note

I know the meter is a bit off. It started free-form, which is how I usually write, but turned into something else. That happens to me sometimes.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

My favorite lines are "at least I did" -- I love it when writer starts out with the inclusive "we" (as you did) and then digresses to the "me" without making it sound accusatory. Just wistful. Being gently honest about the gap between intent & reality. Title "Grapes" (bringing to mind: sour grapes) is about the furthest from your tone, since this feels non-sour-grapes . . . just grapes (((HUGS)))

[willbradley]

Thanks! That's my favorite line too. :). Grapes comes from the idea of a slow fermentation. Healing takes time, and before we are ready, we have to let things settle and change. It kind of sprung from the idea of when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. In this case, you have grapes, those grapes were crushed, so go ahead and make some wine.