Camp

This is a work in progress...reminiscent of my days as a camp counselor.

She says she doesn’t want to go home
As I stand stone faced
Staring down at the sand
Watching the tiny beads spatter
Against the powdered sand

She says she wants to stay
As the breeze blows
The dying breath of summer
At the hands of a beast lurking in calendar pages
Its claws forming from the slowly darkening leaves

She says it’s safe here
As she listens for the pounding of my heart
Her bleary eyes shut tight
Her tiny arms locked around my chest
The crunch of gravel drawing nearer

She says she won’t leave
As she listens intently but finds
Only the eerie silence that must lie inside me
My heart, my very soul dead as ghosts because
I know that her monsters are real

Author's Note

Let me know if this doesn't make sense to you...I'd like to know how clear the message is.

Reviews

[Sarah Hawkinson]

I have my own interpretation of it, and I think whoever reads this will. I wouldn't change a thing. The best poetry has many interpretations so don't worry if it makes sense to everyone. If you know in your heart what it means to you, then I would just let it be. It's an excellent piece of writing! I love the line, "At the hands of a beast lurking in calendar pages" awesome wording.

[J.D. McNeely]

Great poem. I agree with Sarah.."At the hands of a beast lurking in calendar pages" is beautifully poetic. Simply amazing. The tone of the poem is sad and I like it. I have my interpretation. Thanks for sharing.

[faryn wolff]

This is astounding. A vivid story is told in four stanzas. I have a few different interpretations, but either way around, my heart feels the futile fear that the girl is experiencing. The last line is perfectly delivered. Wonderful job.

[jessfoundwonder]

it makes sense to me.
it's really good.
here, i'll tell you what i think it means:
i think it's a girl, that you may or may not like, but she is in love with you. and her "monsters" are that you don't love her back. she wants to stay with you because she feels safe with you, but you're stone faced and dead inside for some other reason.

[UponATyme]

Stunning ending. You're just vague enough that I can only assume what you meant for the message of this poem. If you wanted to make the point more recognizable, I suppose you could, but it definitely isn't necessary. Again, I loved the ending. It had a haunting quality to it, one that makes me wonder about it long after I've written the poem. Kudos!

[ShadowHaze]

Like other people said, and most likely will say, I have my own interpretation of it. But almost all poems can be taken in several different ways, wether (sp?) it's what you had in mind when u wrote this, or something totally different. I wouldn't change anything, because if you know what it means, and you know why you wrote this, then it really shouldn't matter if anyone else shares the same thoughts. But, of course, everytime I get this kind of "advice" or whatever, I usually get annoyed, lol. But its good, and I wouldn't change it.

--Haze

[Serend1p1ty]

This is a powerful poem.
At first, you're wondering what's going on, until the last line.
It hit home so brutally.
Do not change this poem, it's great just how it is.
I'm still reeling from the last line, it really was powerful.
It seems as if the entire poem built up to that final line.
Really stunning work.

Yours truly,
cloud6

[Céce]

Hmm, like Sarah Hawkinson said, I have my own interpretation of it, but it's still not very clear. However, I think this is fine the way it is. There is some electrifying imagery in here. I loved it and the way it rocked me back and forth between thoughts and feelings and description. Thanks for the read request Luke!

Beautiful.

Jane