warehouse

"OMG what. I can't just. It goes against. What would mama. But she's so sick I can't just leave her. They'll kill her. Who ever they are. I'm gonna take her with me" and with my mind made up I pulled the paper clip outta my pocket. After fumbling with the lock on her wrist for a while the shackle popped open. After that the other three were considerably easier. Picking her up I tried not to get any chocolate on my clothes but it didn't work very well. "youre ok. It's gonna be all right" more assuring myself then her. "I need you to get you some water. Um water water I need water. Um uh the warehouse! But I need water ok um ima drop u off there". I had been pacing with her in my arms but now I set off running down the street. Turning left then right then right again I started running straight. Coming to the place I stopped to open the gate. The warehouse is really big and very creepy, broken shingles and half shattered windows, the paint is all chipped and it looks like its gonna cave in any minute.  i had like major nightmares when i was a kid. We havent been here for years though. No one has. Going around to the back I crawled through a hole in the siding and then gently pulled her through cause the front is locked and breaking it down causes too much suspicion. I laid her gently down on the ground, trying to make her as comfortable as i could, cause there is nothing else in there. It was basically an empty giant wooden house type Thingy with only one room. "ok just stay there. I'll be right back with water and food" I ran back to the hole and scampered out. twenty minutes later i was back with a gallon of water, bread, a bunch of bananas, fish sticks and some custard. look im not gonna go into details of how i got the food and im sure the market isn't gonna miss this stuff.  i ran back inside not bothering to check if anyone saw me. i skidded to a stop by the girl, picking up her head i liad it on my lap.

"it's ok i'm gonna help you, i-i-i i got food and w-w-w-water" i'm stuttering like crazy out of nervousness. i can feel a pulse so shes not dead, just uncontious so she cant hear me.  i grab the gallon of water, ripping off the cap. i slosh a bit into her mouth but most of it misses. trying again the water actually goes into her mouth. she does one of those like uncontious swallow things and fortunatly mst of the water goes down her throat. i do it again and again but she still doesnt wake up. "come on, you can do it, just open your eyes, please" i'm like crying at this point. she cant die not in my arms. not like this. i pick up the gallon again, it's about three quarters full, my hands are shaking though. so much that i end up sloshing it on my pants, and a little on her face. i don't want to waste it so i put it down and when i turn back her eyes are open. theyre a startling violet color, unlike any i'd seen before.

"where the hell am I?" she asks and then i relaxed cause i knew shes alright.

Author's Note

1. is his panic realistic?
2. should i have written him stealing the food?
3. how do you like her eyes?
4. is the description of the warehouse good?
5. lol how do you like the food?

Reviews

[Aurora Lynn]

I'm going to keep nagging until the grammar starts to improve... NAG NAG NAGITY MCNAG NAG.

Okay, so this is Andrew's POV then? Then it switches off every chapter... *major duhhhh moment*

Ohh so you did expand on the internal angst. Very good, very good, I approve. Internal angst is always good...well almost, always good. Unless your name just happens to be Isabella Swan and you're in love with a vampire...

1. Yes and no. What exactly was he afraid of? Disappointing his mother? Going against everything he knew? Or getting caught? Or a combination of all three? If it was these things then yes, it was realistic. I just had a kind of hard time determining what he was panicking about...

2. I think that you should, even if you only spent a few sentences on it. Who knows, maybe it would have come in handy later. When in doubt write out a scene fully, then cut later.

3. Ooh, purple eyes~ I absolutely love purple eyes. Did I tell you I once had a dream that I had purple eyes? I was a special agent of some kind in danger in this like ballroom nd this man who looked very similar to Johnny Depp liked me because of these eyes and wanted to keep me alive... then Derek Morgan showed up warning everyone to get out of there and the entire ballroom blew up...then the Johnny Depp person was gone and--

WAIT A MINUTE. I'm supposed to be reviewing your story, aren't I? So yeah, I love the description. PURPLE EYES FTW.

4. YES. I like how you used nightmares to help characterize the warehouse, show how creepy and decrepit it was. Very good.

5. BANANANANANANANANNANANANANANANNANANANANNANANANANANANANANNAS. Did you do that just for my benefit?

RANDOM QUESTION. How old is Andrew? Because I keep picturing a 10-12 year old boy... and I doubt that a 10-12 year old boy would be able to carry a girl no matter what size for a very long time unless he was very strong... Just saying...

AMAZING STORY. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE TARDINESS OF THESE REVIEWS. AND TARDINESS LOOKS A LOT LIKE TARDIS. I just realized this... ahh, I love Doctor Who. But that's besides the point. OFF TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!

~Jossy Poo

[compositionc]

1. YES
2. YES
3. YES
4. YES
5. YES

[halflives]

1. YES.
2. NO.
3. AMAZING.
4. YES.
5. FOOD = AWESOME.
I'M SORRY THIS IS A CRAP REVIEW. IT WAS DAMN AWESOME, ELLA-BELLA.