don't forget to remember

Just remembering his touch makes my heart race. There was just something about it that I’ve never felt with any other boy. And the way he held me...words can’t explain how safe I felt. When I was in his arms, I felt invincible, like nothing could ever hurt me. I cherished every moment we spent together. We were one of those couples where we were so in love that everyone thought we’d end up getting married and spending the rest of our lives together. Though that’s not the case with us.

 

After two years we were together, he decided to take a trip by himself. I knew that something was wrong, maybe not with us, but something inside of me knew that we were breaking up. Nothing was said officially, but when he never returned, I pretty much got the idea that we were over. I’ve tried to call him on his cell phone, but it was never on. I tried talking to his family. His younger sister and I were close as she was with him so I figured she must have heard something...gotten a phone call, an e-mail, even a postcard. Nothing. Although wherever I go I always feel that he’s with me. That he’s in the same room as me just watching, seeing me after his disappearance three years ago.

 

Sometimes I can even smell the cologne he wore. It’s very faint, but just enough to get a good whiff of it. Whenever I would as my friends if they could smell it, they just looked at me like I was crazy, shook their head and ignored it. Though it was probably just someone else who was wearing it and they walked by me. I keep trying to tell myself that...and so do my friends and family. I really want to believe that it’s him. I really do.

 

I always find myself thinking about him. At work, at home...wherever. Thinking about the times we spent together and all the crazy things he made me do. I loved him for that. Without him, I never would’ve done half the things we did if I were single or even with someone else.

 

Everyone loved him. There was something about him that just brightened up everyone’s day. He was always making me laugh with just the littlest things he would say and do. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in my life...especially before him. I want to thank him for that...for turning my life around for the better.

 

 

“Come on Ryleigh!” Zac laughed as he took my hand, pulling me towards the water.

 

“No! The water’s too cold!” I complained through my laughter. It was late afternoon and we were at the beach, just the two of us. Zac and I had gone horseback riding on the beach and after we brought the horses back to the stables, we just walked along the shoreline, me in his arms and the waves just washing over our feet. Occasionally he would stop and kiss me and give me even more butterflies then I already had. The sun was now setting and we were dancing. No, we didn’t have music. But isn’t spontaneously dancing without any music on the beach just so much better than if there actually was some? This is where Zac got the bright idea to go in the water.

 

“You are so not fun! It’s just water, you won’t melt, I promise.”

 

“I’m not worried about if I’m gonna melt or not! I just don’t wanna get wet.” I said, pulling away from Zac’s grip.

 

“Fine...you leave me no choice then...” Zac let go of my hand and started to creep towards me with a smirk on his lips and something in his eyes that I can’t figure out.

 

“Zac...what are you doing?” I took just one look in his eyes and immediately knew what he was up to. “Oh no...no, no, no, NO! Please no!” And before I knew it, Zac scooped me up in his arms and we were headed towards the water.

 

“Yes, yes, yes! C’mon Ryleigh, live a little!” Zac said as he set me down in the ankle deep water. He grabbed my hand and started to pull me further out in the ocean. I resisted and began to pull back towards shore. Though the plan failed because my hand slipped out of Zac’s and resulted with me falling down in the cold water. All he did was laugh at me as I sat there with my mouth wide open from shock. My revenge plan worked pretty well though. While Zac was laughing, I stood up, and jumped on him knocking him down into the water as well.

 

“Ryleigh Carson!” Zac said with complete shock. He always liked my middle name and how it just went with my first. So every once in a while he’d say my middle name as well. “I cannot believe you just did that!”

 

“Come on Zac! Live a little!” I repeated his words. Zac laughed as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me.

 

 

He went away at the end of the summer we were going to be seniors in high school. I always thought he was stupid for leaving then, but he was always spontaneous and never planned ahead. He loved just going with the flow. He was always there for me. Especially when my parents divorced our freshman year. It was such a hard time for me. If Zac wasn’t there for me, I don’t think I would’ve made it. I just remember crying all day and all night in my room. And Zac just holding me, stroking my hair so gently...he just made all the bad go away. All the pain and all the hurt. He’s just that type of person who will stay by your side until the worst is over. Then he’ll go back to his old self. The same loving, carefree boy that I had first met.

 

Before I was with Zac, before we even met, I was a completely different person. I was much more quiet and self-conscious. I was much angrier, and would take things out on my family. Or so my brothers say. Especially the younger one, Cayden. He said that I took everything out mostly on him.

 

But then I met Zac during a school assembly at the beginning of the school year when we were freshman. The teachers piled us all into the auditorium and didn’t give us a chance to find our friends so I just sat down towards the back. Then I heard someone sit down next to me. I looked over and saw this boy looking at me, smiling...all he had to do was smile and he had me. Kind of sad in a way, but there was so much more than his smile.

 

 

“Hi...” I said, giving a weak smile.

 

“Hey,” he smiled back with that amazing smile. “What’s your name?”

 

“Ryleigh,” I said sitting up straight in my seat so I wouldn’t be slouching.

 

“Ryleigh...” He whispered to himself, nodding slightly. Then saying in a slightly louder voice, “That’s pretty...real pretty...”

 

All I could do was blush and sink back down in my seat and stare at him.

 

“I’m Zac, by the way.” the boy said quickly.

 

“Hi...” yeah, genius Ryleigh, go back to the beginning of the conversation.

 

“Hi,” he chuckled. That’s when the assembly finally started. I turned my eyes towards the stage and tried to keep focus, but I could feel Zac’s stare on the side of my face. It was like this through the entire assembly. Towards the end of the presentation, Zac took out a pen and then my left hand. He opened the pen and put the back of my hand on his knee, my palm facing up. He wrote something on my hand but I didn’t get a chance to see right away because he closed it as soon as he was done and then laced our fingers together, keeping his writing a secret for a while longer.

 

The assembly was over ten minutes later. Zac unlaced his hand from mine and got up to leave, but smiling at me one last time before he headed towards the aisle. I just stared at him until he wasn’t visible anymore. As soon as I couldn’t see him anymore, I looked down at the hand he had written on. All I could do was smile.

 

He had given me his name and his phone number.

 

 

Just a few weeks ago my boyfriend, Ryan, proposed to me. We were at dinner with my family, well, when mom and dad divorced, dad sort of took off not telling us where he was going. I was so much in shock when he asked me that I almost started to cry. Wait, scratch that. I did start crying. So did mom. It was a very emotional night for all of us. It was also mine and Zac’s anniversary. Of course Ryan doesn’t know, but everyone else did. I was pretty out of it the entire night until Ryan got down on one knee. Ryan and I met a few months after Zac left. He slowly started to bring me back to reality because after it finally sunk in that Zac wasn’t coming back, I was a wreck. Then little by little, I forgot about Zac and his leaving, completely destroying me. Ryan made me forget all the pain that was caused. It was almost as if Zac had come back in a different body with a different name. But I knew he didn’t because Zac was just...Zac. You can’t duplicate him. He’s one of a kind. He’s one of the best guys out there. He’s rare. Not everyone can have a friend or a boyfriend like Zac. I was lucky that he came into my life when he did.

 

The wedding is now a week away. I’m having doubts of whether I’m doing the right thing. Mom says that it’s natural for me to be feeling this way, and I know it’s true, but I really wonder if I’m supposed to be with Ryan the rest of my life. I just kept on thinking that Zac was just going to come back. My friends knew how special Zac was to me. They saw me change from that angry, self-conscious person, to care-free and happy. I told them about these thoughts. All they did was hug me and say “Honey, we know how strongly you feel about his leaving and your relationship with him. But Zac’s never coming back. Think about Ryan and how much you love him. He’ll be there for you. He won’t leave you like Zac did.” Every night I would think about what they said. But what really got me thinking was when they said how much I love Ryan. That was it. I don’t love Ryan. At least, not anymore, or as much as I used to. All night I tried to convince myself that I really was happy and that I really did love Ryan like I said I did. But I just couldn’t do it.

 

 

 

The next day after my debate with myself, three days before the wedding, I asked Ryan to meet me at the park after lunch. He came and I told him how I was feeling. All about my doubts and how I really didn’t love him as much as I thought I did. I didn’t tell him about my thoughts about Zac though. I didn’t want him to think that it was just because of an old boyfriend who I haven’t seen in years. So I called off the wedding. Right then and there. Ryan understood, or so he said. I could tell that he was devastated. I was too, but I felt so much better. And at least I didn’t wait until we were at the alter in front of all our friends and family. This way everyone will be let down gently.

 

Ever since the wedding was called off, it felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders, but a new weight was put on. Just the thought of Zac coming back really got to me. One day I was out shopping at the mall and I was just walking down the hall where further down I saw someone. Someone familiar. I had to squint so make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. They weren’t. The person was wearing a jean jacket. A jean jacket that I had worn so many times before. I started to slow down as I was in complete shock. I could’ve sworn my eyes were playing tricks on me. But they weren’t.

The person saw me staring at then and stopped walking too, staring at me. As soon as I realized who it was, I started to walk faster and faster until I was running, sprinting almost. I rounded the corner and there he was...still standing there. I’m glad I didn’t have any bags with me because they would’ve been forgotten. Then I just ran into his arms, throwing mine around his neck, his arms snaking around my waist holding me tight.

“I can’t believe you’re here...” I whisper after five minutes of just standing there in his embrace. “I can’t believe you came back...I jut can’t believe it.”

“I know...I know...” he whispered. “I couldn’t stand being away from you any longer. I never forgot about you. I thought about you everyday since the day I left.”

“Why did you leave in the first place?” I asked, finally looking at him for the first time. As soon as the question left my lips, he began to tense up. I got the same feeling inside me as when he left me some odd years ago. Here’s something I’ve never seen him do in the years that I’ve know him. Right then he started to cry. He wasn’t sobbing, but there were quite some tears coming from his eyes. I knew something was very wrong.

“Ryleigh...” Zac licked his lips, taking in a deep, shaky breath. “Oh Ryleigh...I’m so bad...so, so bad. I don’t know how it happened...but it did, it did...”

“What happened, hon?” I asked quietly as I wiped the tears off his cheeks. He grabbed my hands and kissed them, a new set of tears coming.

“I...I...”

“You what? Please just say it...” I pleaded in a whisper.

“You’re gonna hate me...so, so much...you’ll never wanna see me again.” Zac said through his tears.

“Zac...nothing in the world would make me not want to see you.” I said. “Now please just tell me, you’re killing yourself by holding it in.”

Zac closed his eyes tightly, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly which was a still a little shaky. He let go of my hands and wiped off his face off with his sleeve and just looked down at me with these said, puppy dog eyes. I knew it was eating him up inside. Hell, the suspense was killing me. Truth be told I’m a little scared of what he’s going to say...but I know I need to hear it. I know that it’s important.

“I...cheated on you...” He finally said it.

“Wh-what?” I was completely shocked. I was expecting more of an answer like, “I don’t know...” or “I got scared about our future” or something along the lines of that. Not that he cheated on me. “You left for six years because you cheated on me?” Honestly I was expecting something worse.

“That’s not all...” he said quietly looking down at our feet.

“What’s the rest of it...who was the other girl?” I probably didn’t want to hear this.

“Bailee...”

I knew it. “Bailee...Bailee Calloway?” I asked with a sad voice. Zac only nodded, still not looking up. I couldn’t believe him. Bailee is my best friend. I’ve known her ever since kindergarten. I couldn’t take this anymore. I needed to get out of there. I slowly started to back up, shaking my head as if it were all a dream. Oh how I wish this was just all a dream. I turned around and started to run but abruptly stopped. I turned around, my eyes filling up with tears, facing Zac. “When you leave again...just don’t forget to remember me.” I wanted to add more like, don’t forget to remember me and all this pain you caused. But I didn’t. I knew he was suffering enough without me saying how much it hurt me.

Zac looked up at me with eyes just as sad as mine as I turned around towards the exit and ran out to my car. I heard Zac call my name with a cracked voice from when he was crying. I got in my car and turned the key until it roared to life and rushed straight home to the comfort of my own, safe bed.

Just a few hours after I got home, I heard the doorbell ring. Though I was the only one home so I had two options: stay upstairs and pretend no ones home or go downstairs and answer it. I thought about it and whoever was at the door knew someone had to be home because there was a car in the driveway. I heard the doorbell ring once more. I had no choice but to go downstairs and answer it. I was tempted to go in the kitchen first to get a butcher knife because I’m in no mood to be dealing with anyone right now. I didn’t though. I was a good girl and went straight to the front door.

I opened the door and it was the person I least expected. I expected him to be halfway across town right now. I was about to say something when he walked in, cupped my face with his hands and just kissed me. It wasn’t like any of the other times he’s kissed me. This time...it was different. It was slow and soft...it felt like my insides were about to explode from all the knots he was putting in there. I wrapped my arms around his chest and kissed him back the same way.

After what felt like a lifetime of just standing there, we finally parted. I couldn’t speak...I was so out of breath and I knew he was too because we were both breathing heavily. “What the hell was that for?” I asked, still breathing a little heavily. Zac just gave me a small smile. Usually he would’ve just laughed at my choice of words. But this is different.

“My apology...or part of it really.” I just gave him a confused face. He chuckled. “I want to give you everything...”

“Does that include the pony that you promised you’d get me five years ago?” I said with a small smile. That’s when his smile returned. The smile he first gave me back in the auditorium our freshman year of high school.

“I don’t know...it might.” Then his face became serious. The most serious I’ve ever seen it. “Ryleigh, when I was away for those six years...I did a lot of thinking and I mean a lot. I kept thinking about all those times we spent together and how much I care about you. And about Bailee...Rye, please understand that I was really stupid and that I wasn’t’ thinking.”

“Yeah, no s**t, Sherlock...” I said with a “duh” expression. Zac just raised an eyebrow and looked at me as though he was wearing glasses. “Sorry...”

“But that’s not the point. I know what I did was wrong and-“

“Ok, you know what you did is wrong. Kudos for you,” I said, my voice rising, which I was completely aware of. “But how do I know you won’t do it to me again?” I asked, but quickly added, “If we were to get back together, that is...”

“Ryleigh, when I was away, it made me realize how much I love you.” I was shocked by what he said.

“Y-you love me?” I asked, backing up a little bit so I can see his face better.

Zac nodded while he said, “Yes...truly, madly, deeply.” He removed a hand from my face and put it in his pocket pulling out a small, black velvet box. He opened it and I looked down at it. I know for a fact that my eyes were really big and that my mouth was on the floor. “Which is why...” Zac continued, “I want you to marry me...” My eyes were going back and forth between his face and the ring. “So...what do ya say?”

All I did was smile at him and say, “Shut up and kiss me, you idiot.” Zac smiled his smile and bent down to kiss me.

And from this moment, I knew that this is the beginning to the rest of my life.