An Unlikely Pair

An angel and a demon meet on Earth. Fight doesn't ensue as one would think, but something else entirely occurred.

Her enormous wings dragged across the soft, short grass as her naked feet pattered across the empty landscape. Her light, round curls slightly bounced against her back as she felt the ground with her little toes. The dress she wore was as pure as the first snowfall in the morning. Her eyes matched the color of a cloudless sky. Her pupils searched the plain for any sign of life. Her head suddenly stared up into the distance, spotting a small stream of smoke ruining the oblique sky. Her feathery wings slowly spread out. They reached up into the air, stretching out the stiffness of forcing them to be still for so long. The pure being kicked her feet off the ground, launching herself into the clouds. The muscles in her wings flexed repeatedly, up and down, up and down, propelling herself through the crisp, warm air. She speedily flew towards the grey, airy pollution. 

After a few agonizing minutes, the feminine figure slowed her speed and drifted downwards to a clearing in the middle of an expansive area of forest. One foot followed the other touching the long sparse weeds. She left her wings spread out and relaxed about her as she glanced around the area. Her crystalline eyes met dark, obsidian ones. She searched the rest of another figure's body. His skin was as pale as a dead person's. His cheekbones were high and angular, similar to his nose. His hair was the color of a raven with splotches of grey mixed into it. The eyes were as dark as nigh as he continued to stare intently at her. He was tall and lean and only wore a ragged but large piece of grey cloth around his waist, but the rest of him was bare. 

"Having fun?" the deep, scratchy voice asked. 

The feminine individual glanced back up at the masculine figure's face and held a finger to her lips before going back to stare at his characteristics. 

The most magnificent feature of this figure was the enormous wings attached to his back. They were relaxed but still possessed a menacing feeling. The wings appeared to be similar, if not exactly, to a raven's. The shiny feathers were the darkest of any obsidian known to humankind. The purity could see her own delicate but broken reflection in his feathers. She gently touched her smooth cheek as she stared intently at herself. 

After her eyes decided to stop the interaction between her two selves, they met the ones that belonged to the mesmerizing wings. The color of the night malevolently greeted the blueness of the sky. 

"We honestly should quit meeting each other like this," the masculine figure said, breaking the eerie silence. "I'm sure your Father would not be pleased to know that you are here with me right now," he sneered. 

"Oh please, please do not say that now," her light, soft voice whispered as she stared at her bare toes. "I thought we agreed to keep family issues out of this." 

The figure full of mischief began to slowly circle around the quiet one. She then mimicked him, staring into the eyes as they kept the same distance from each other. One of them stalked the other wordlessly. The dark individual halted in place before running towards the figure of purity. 

She stayed still as the raven lunged at her. Her body allowed the him to tackle her to the ground. The pair fell with a thud. His fingers danced along her ribcage through the soft material of her dress. Her laughter sounded like wind chimes resonating in a hurricane. "Not fair!" she called out through the shortness of her breath. The feminine individual quickly flipped the other one onto his back, resulting in her sitting on top of his stomach. 

The raven-winged figure chuckled, sounding like razor blades trapped in a spinning blender. The pureness somehow still found it beautiful. 

"Ready?" she asked, earning a nod in response. She swiftly stood to her feet and started to run backwards. As he also got to his feet, she turned around and dashed into the crowded area of trees, laughing along the way. He smirked before chasing after her. 

The pair laughed and belted out joyous sounds as they inhumanly ran across the forest. They dodged the growing wood as one attempted to escape the other. The holy individual dashed along the ground littered with decaying leaves and parts of trees, restraining herself from glancing backwards at the one who was in pursuit of her. She focused on the impossibly fast movement of her feet, being careful not to fall. 

He watched her run through the dense forest. Her golden hair bounced against her back, and her feet treaded carefully. He closely followed the girlish figure, chasing after her. His raven wings stretched outwards before he leaped off the ground. The wind strengthened, helping propel his body forward through the air. He leaned side to side to avoid colliding with the thick tree trunks. 

She heard the familiar whoosh speeding through the air, but she continued to dash across the land. The only addition to her body movements were her hands and arms being held directly up above her head. Her feet continuously pounded against the soil as she glanced up to the tree tops. 

The flying figure pumped his wings in order to gain speed. He jetted forward, passing his playmate. His wings slightly angled to where he was able to turn 1800 so he was facing her. He grasped tightly onto her wrists as he flew over her. Then he moved his wings to rush through the full tree tops with his partner in tow. 

The feminine individual screamed in delight as she was being carried through the clouds. Luckily, she was hold onto his wrists like it was a second appendage. 

“Do you trust me?” he shouted down towards her. 

“I don’t know!” she answered. 

“Why?” 

She stared at him as she questioned, “Can we stop on a cloud for a minute?”

“I can’t sit on those! I’m not like you!” 

She nodded. “Every part and every instinct that I possess tells me not to, but I also have this feeling that I should trust you!” 

“Do you want to trust me just this once?” 

She thought for a moment before replying yes.

“Then you need to let go of me! I promise that I won’t let you get hurt!” he instructed. 

She slowly peeled her fingers away from his wrists as they were sailing through the wind. Despite the nagging notion telling her not to trust him, he continued to hold onto her. 

“The next thing I am about to do is pretty terrifying, so whatever you do, just keep your wings relaxed and behind you. After the initial shock, you should thoroughly enjoy this. Ready?”

She nodded. “Just don’t prove me wrong about trusting a creature like you.” 

He twisted to where he was hovering vertically instead of horizontally like he was previously. The top of her head dangled at the height of his waist. The muscles in his arms viciously bulged as he thrusting the trusting individual into the atmosphere. His eyes followed the purity through the clouds, hearing her horrifying screams transform into bells of laughter. He smiled as she streaked back down through the puffs of airy cotton. He swiftly flew towards the joyously mad creature. 

“I’m falling!” she screeched. “My goodness, this is the most exhilarating thing!” 

The dark creature caught her dainty hand and pulled her close to his. His arms were woven around her waist and her arms stretched wide, feeling the wind rush though her fingers. Her laughter sounded like church bells ringing after a wedding ceremony. He returned both himself and the creature of innocence safely to the ground. 

She twirled around once before throwing herself onto the ground, still laughing. 

He chuckled as he sat down next to her. He watched her breathe heavily with her eyes staring into his eyelids. Her golden curls were billowed around her head like a halo and her dress along with her wings surrounding her. He soon laid down next to her. 

She unexpectedly turned to the side and placed her head on his shoulder. “Why can’t it always be like this? Peace between the family.” 

“Because we are destined to be against each other for all eternity until one extinguishes the other,” he sighed. 

After the pair laid in comfortable but meaningful silence for a while, the creature of purity muttered into his skin, “I have to go.” 

He brushed a curl away from her face. “It’s okay. I understand. Not all of us can wreak havoc on the Earth for enjoyment and pleasure, it being the only responsibility.” 

“You know that I am supposed to stop you, right?” 

He chuckled. “I know but you leave me be when possible.” 

She shrugged. “There can’t be light in the world without a bit of darkness. Balance is essential.”  She slowly stood to her feet, and he followed. Her arms wrapped around his skeletal body and held him close. “Thank you,” she whispered in his ear. 

“For what?” 

“Helping me feel so free.” She shyly pecked his cold, colorless cheek.

“Thank you for also giving me peace.” He sincerely smiled at her. 

“Now don’t go around and cause too much damage,” she said with a giggle contradicting the single tear falling. 

Before she could fly away, the creature of darkness pulled her close, gently placing a kiss onto her feather soft lips. Her lips moved against his sand paper ones very briefly. “Until next time you need a little chaos, my little angel.” 

Author's Note

Overall, what did you think? What do I need to improve on?

Reviews

[JayG]

Well, you did ask...

You're thinking visually in a medium that reproduces neither sound nor picture. So the first paragraph, while it calls up the image you held as you wrote this tells the reader little. And thinking visually you tell the reader that she flexes her muscles to fly, and that the wings move up and down? Is there a living human who doesn't know that's how winged beings move through the air? Given that, why explain, via a minute's worth of reading, what they would see in a fraction of a second in life?

We read the first paragraph, one of 296 words, which places us on the second standard manuscript page, and what happens? A nameless female, in an unknown location, there for unknown reasons, flies an unknown distance to another unknown reason. Then, for unknown reasons, she lands near an unknown male who stares at her, for unknown reasons.

Question: Since I don't know here we are, who we are, what's going on, and why; and since neither of them have a name, as a reader who lacks the smallest amount of clarifying context, why would I care what happens? Stories aren't about the things that happen. That's a report. Stories take place in the heart and mind of the protagonist. And the reader doesn't seek to know the progression of events, they want to be made to feel what the protagonist IS FEELING.

Here's the deal: In our school days we write endless reports and essays. Why? Because that's what future employers need us to know. Use those skills to try to write fiction and it reads like a chronicle of events. And no one wants to read what amounts to a detailed history book.

It's not a matter of good or bad writing, it's that all professions are learned AFTER we graduate high school, so if you wish to practice the profession of fiction-writing, even if only for fun, you need to pick up the tricks of the trade. Remember, from the time you began reading, you've read pretty much only professionally written and prepared fiction. And since that's true of everyone, to please the reader you need to know what the pro knows.

The good news is that you have the necessary desire and enthusiasm, and what you're missing is the learned part of writing fiction. So the solution to that is simple. Hit the fiction writing section of the local library system and devour a few books on fiction-writing technique. If you are board to write you'll love the learning. If not, you've learned something important about yourself. So, win/win.

My suggestion is to pick up a personal copy of Debra Dixon's, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. It's an easy read, and gives you the nuts and bolts issues of creating scenes that sing to the reader.

[Autumn]

Thank you so much! Your review was exactly what I was looking for. I knew that my story was lacking some type of factor, but I just couldn't figure out what. I will definitely give the book a read! Thanks again

[Chris]

"nigh"? or night?
"1800"? or 180 degrees?
"thrusting"? or thrust?

You told your story well.

[Autumn]

Thank you for finding my grammar mistakes. It's much appreciated