Tattoo

 

The day I heard

Melissa Ferrick sing,

I imagine my brain looks like a carousel on fire.

Was the day I couldn’t think

Of my own mind

Without seeing

Melting ponies,

A fiery childhood dream

Spinning out of control.

 

Black scabs

Tainted the newly inked

Letters below my hair line.

 

Sensory Overload.

 

Reviews

[Moi]

Ah! I perfectly adored this. Are the newly inked letters supposed to be "Sensory Overload"? Because that was what I recieved. If you'd like to get that across, perhaps you'd phrase things a little differently? I enjoyed the imagine of melting ponies. Whether intended or not the notion of melting ponies tickles my funny bone.

[Edward Carr]

Hey, this poem works. You have some good poetic talent. You use concrete sensory imagery very well, you do not rhyme. Many people do not write poetry that well, but this one is pretty good. I am not sure about the "Sensory Overload" line, but everything else works for me. Nice avoidance of abstract nouns.