Untitled

do you ever

feel those 

moments

the days when 

you wake up

and something

is off, weird

different

and it feels

just like a 

regular day, but

its not a 

regular day

will never be 

a regular 

day

its the moments

where the world

feels quiet

is quiet

its still

so still, its like

time has stopped

moving around

you, or maybe

you've stopped

moving in time

like i could

sit outside and 

watch the world

go by for

hours

not a care,

not a single

thought, no

concept of 

anything important

just the breeze

on my fingertips

and the sun

on my face

and people moving

by and not

a single

guarantee

and yet

there is a

quiet symphony

in the back

of my head

playing from the

moment i open

my eyes in the 

morning

it knows

i don't hear it

when i wake 

up

i don't hear it

when i go to

school and

pretend that i

don't notice the

shift in my 

brain

smile for my 

friends

laugh like i'm 

not slowly dying

i don't hear it

when i sit outside

and time moves

to a standstill

even though

the light disappears

all i hear are the 

birds then

i don't hear it

when i walk

to my room

at night

watching the sun

go down from 

my window

wishing that the

dying light

would stay frozen

like how i 

feel

but it builds in

my head

like a growing pressure

that rising

crescendo

those quiet

violins that

build the climax

in every sad

movie where you

finally unlock the 

missing trauma of 

the main character

and it all

crashes down

that's the moment

where it crushes

me

and instead of the 

world feeling still

how i am

still

time starts moving

backwards

around me

and it speeds up

fasterfasterfaster

and the muffled

voices suddenly

come into 

sharp focus

but

they're not voices 

from today

and the symphony

crashes into me

in its final peak

and my face

is wet, eyes

leaking at an

uncontrollable rate

and i'm barely

breathing, air

coming in short

gasps, eyes searching

looking at something

that isn't actually

in front of me

sitting completely

still, because

i'm not even there

i'm  reliving a 

different time

reliving a memory

i forgot i had

in near perfect 

clarity

moving backwards

through years in

hyper speed but

feeling every

moment

like its the first

those tears aren't

from today they

are from the 

shower six months

ago, holding yourself

and letting the 

water muffle your

crying

they are from 

two years ago

when you would 

cry yourself to sleep

so your friends wouldn't

know

they are from

eighth grade in

your mother's 

bedroom, breaking down

every two days

after coming back

from your father's house

they are from that

tiled hallway in

middle school

barely twelve years old

reaching for the 

lockers outside your

classroom, hand 

over your mouth

gasping for air

so the other classes

won't hear the sobs

rip from your 

chest

and then

and then you're

back at your

desk

almost seventeen, and

a lifetime later

i think, this

must be why

my day felt

weird, maybe

the calm before

the storm

and then

blank

and then its

all gone

Author's Note

I'm sorry this is so long. Thank you to anyone who reads the whole thing.

Reviews

[Planet x]

I adore your style
I read it from the beginning to the end
and after that from the end ot the beginning and
It felt like Its not the same poem

[Isabella Cezanne]

thank you so much