Big Bird's Lie Detector

This poem is extrapolated from the Tao Te Ching and describes self-organizing and self-correcting metaphorical systems logic that speaks directly to the unconscious mind and are related to AI.

Big Bird’s Big Lie Detector

Politics are merely business, if none listens!

Wearing earplugs and dark shades at night,

The prince of lies never opens his own eyes,

Insisting, only liars can reform all the liars.

Insisting, all the lairs, are not to be trusted!

Trust is never to be associated with people!

What I scream loudest is more meaningful!

What I say once, twice, Three times is True!

Everybody knows, its a dog-eat-dog world!

Loopy temporal loops, avoid eating quiche!

If you repeat a big enough lie often enough!

Humpty Dumpty died, going over the wall!

Licking some of the egg yoke off their faces,

Drooling dogeatdogs hump Dumpty’s legs!

Lies are the only thing protecting any truth,

When paying it forward, is the only reward.

The moon landings were faked with cheese!

Flourish of hands, blue smoke, and mirrors!

Idiots will start to believe anything you say!

If you merely repeat yourself often enough!

Insisting, the whole world must lie to them!

Careful to put more inflection in their voice,

Defending the Truth at all cost with our lies!

Ask not what the great Truth can do for you,

But how do you stop the truth from hurting?

Do the lies hurt worse than the stupid truth?

The Truth is always about personal sacrifice!

Patriotism, is voting for whoever advertises!

Knowing whoever advertises the most wins!

Thinking for yourself, only brings confusion!

Loving lies, make the whole world go round!

Walmart, low taxes, love, lies, and a shotgun!

Banging your heads, against the nearest wall!

Running in circles, screaming the whole time,

Same old same old never stops going around!

Thinking is dangerous if lies are all you know,

Knowing, only the most contentious ever win!

Even remembering the stupid crap, can be dangerous!

Bullshit always leading to more of the same bullshit!

Bullshit still piling up, higher than Mount Everest!

Bullshit, about calling out one another’s bullshit!

Knowing, its illegal to Vote For Mickey Mouse!

But Nobody Predicted the Mickey Mouse Club!

Not a single soul predicting, any of the bullshit!

Not a single soul had a clue what they’re doing!

Hollywood writers, could not make this s**t up!

The president, cut the mass media a deal on rent.

Universities, teaching Vaudeville history lessons,

Mathematicians, earning new degrees in bullshit!

Jokes classified as, Vital To The National Defense!

LaLa Land has already moved to Washington DC!

Fox News publishing A People’s History of the US.

How eager to spout, endless vitriol from the pulpit,

How eager to scream bloody murder, from a stump.

How eager to ensure you only hear what you want!

How eager to spout smack, using any mass media!

How eager to dismiss, anything anyone else says.

How eager to point the finger of blame at others!

How eager they all scream, off with their heads!

How eager to dismiss anybody else’s concerns!

By who you hate by this are you truly known!

By just how low, you are all willing to stoop!

How quick you are to insist, you don’t make mistakes!

How frequently you still shoot yourselves in the foot!

His public becoming obsessed, with all the Big Lies!

Big Lies destroying the social fabric of the country,

Big Lies threatening to ruin the Big Bird’s career!

The Big Bird, decided to buy a fancy cellphone!

With the latest and greatest, A.I. Lie Detector!

Which was added to all the security features.

Shinier, than even irradiated gemstones!

More expensive, than Steve Job’s Watch,

Nobody could defeat its security system!

Unbeatable, quantum encryption system.

So Complicated... It Was Like A Real Person!

Tired of being accused, of being a commie,

Big Bird’s phone, refused to work for liars!

Big Bird’s phone, censored out all the liars!

Warning him, to never talk to stranger liars.

Programmed to only work, if he was happy!

The judge bellowed that he was in contempt!

Informed him he had no right to any privacy!

The court found him guilty of being unhappy!

Demanded proof, his jokes were not classified!

Demanded proof he was never an evil commie!

Demanded proof, he didn’t know any Russians!

Demanded that he unlock his sparkly cellphone!

Demanded proof he didn’t know Mickey Mouse!

Frightened by the thought of becoming a jail bird!

The Big Bird agreed to inhale laughing gas instead.

Hence, sparing the taxpayers unnecessary expenses!

Whilst, avoiding widespread panic amongst his fans!

But, the phone had the latest and greatest possible A.I.,

Informing the judges that although he might be laughing,

The big guy was only smiling because his heart was breaking.

Call someplace Libertarian Paradise and you can kiss it goodbye!

(Eagles, Muppets)

Author's Note

To the greatest extent possible, our poems are composed of commonly used phrases, song lyrics, characters from literature, etc. because they are supposed to say everything and nothing.