Murder One

Murder One

A Poem by Willard Wells
"

Not to Glorify Death

"

she said goodbye once

crying the blade cut deeply

blood slowly flowing

water like crimson red wine

alone her call came too late

© 2016 Willard Wells


Author's Note

Willard Wells
Well, this is supposed to be Tanka, but since my first adventure into the style. Please advise to what I may have wrong.

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Reviews

Interesting piece Willard, succinct.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Willard Wells

4 Years Ago

I am not depressed and feel very good, but I found myself writing of things I know to well. Not of m.. read more
A vivid look at suicide to me...
I agree we should not glorify death, but we should be honest about it.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Willard Wells

4 Years Ago

Yes and I don't know why. I just finished another on the subject. I have had this discussion of self.. read more
A power write in so few words Willard. Spot on this cuts deep!! Pardon the pun! Clever!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


Willard Wells

4 Years Ago

Puns, as your words are always welcomed my friend. Thank you for your visit and kind words.
In a tanka, like a sonnet, there should be a turning point, traditionally the last line but can be the penultimate line. In a sonnet, the volta changes the intent but in a tanka, traditionally it can also simply take what is previously examined in imagery, and remarks upon it emotionally or philosophically.
Perhaps:
she called too late, my heart aches (or something.)
or
the red dawn of my new life...(turns the negative to positive)
Personification actually has no place in the classic tanka form at all. The upper phrase, like yours, creates a completed image. The second phrase compares to the volta and the voice is the protagonist, NOT personification.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


Willard Wells

4 Years Ago

Well, I did I think I did three now of this form. One a goof and one that seems to me most all needs.. read more
softlyfall

4 Years Ago

Like all creative art...there are rules and also trends. Grammar, for instance, has precise rules bu.. read more
Not too bad for a first try. You have the syllables set, next time add some metaphor or personification and you'll be excellent. I like the clearness of imagery conveyed though, Glad I inspired you to try something new. This is a great first attempt at Tanka.
Jan x

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 4 Years Ago


Willard Wells

4 Years Ago

I knew I would be in trouble with the personification and metaphor. As you know I throw words on pa.. read more
softlyfall

4 Years Ago

blade cut deep/emotional content IS a metaphor! Subtle but definitely not allegory, or even allusion.. read more
Willard Wells

4 Years Ago

Thank you for popping over on my new adventure. I did another to see if I could define it more close.. read more

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381 Views
5 Reviews
Added on January 25, 2016
Last Updated on January 26, 2016

Author

Willard Wells
Willard Wells

Sacramento, CA



About
Photography and words are my activities to try and keep an over active mind under control. For the most part my pieces have been short since that's how I'm wired. I would like to write something longe.. more..

Writing



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