I Exist to You

italicized lyrics are from Evanescence songs

"Don't try to fix me...I'm not broken..."

 

She slams her locker again, maybe the echo of it will make people realize that she's actually here. There's a soul standing here that they just haven't decided to notice yet. But once again, the back of their heads stare at her with their mocking indifference. She never existed here, she doesn't know why she ever thought she did.

She walks down the hallway, their shoulders keep seeming to find her own sore ones. They crash into her and nearly send her to the floor, she's stronger than them, she's stronger than this. She keeps walking, knowing that she'll find what she's looking for. She turns a corner and is stopped in her tracks. Blackened eyes stare back at her, loose strands of even blacker hair gently lying in the way, an undecided smile lying in the wait. He is just as shocked as she is.

"I've completely lost myself and I don't mind..."

She can't tear away her eyes from him, his stayed glued to hers. He thinks, deciding to approach her, he starts to but is stopped. That voice pierces the calm air and once again places a line inbetween them. It runs to him, wearing red eyes blaring with fury and jealousy with long red locks flowing down beside that distressed face. It clings onto his arm and smushes It's lips onto his as if announcing that he belongs to It and she has no chance to get him back. This angers her, her nerves melt as she fights the tears. She doesn't know how she's able to control herself, or why she always thinks she has to.

"Just once in my life, I think it'd be nice just to lose control...just once..."

She walks away hurriedly, wiping the image of It's lips raping his. Those lips once belonged to her, but It stole them away from her. It shoved liquor and drugs down his throat and forced him to cloud nine; It revealed Itself to him and being human he just couldn't resist. He devoured It, and It enjoyed every damn minute of it. She looks at the floor as she gets closer and closer to what she's looking for, she won't let herself get distracted again. The cold wind stabs at her, leaving little spots of ice along her face. It doesn't hurt her, nothing does anymore, she won't let it. She reaches the door and there it is.

The ivory keys seperated by ebony partners sit impatiently for her return. They've missed her, they know she exists and they love her more than she does herself. She goes to them and hugs them with her fingers, and soon they're dancing. Her fragile voice shakes in the air, it's been absolete too long, but soon it gains strength and ribbons of melancholy sound curl through the air. Her soul is floating on the ribbons for the world to hear and feel.

"I'm lost in paradise..."

A sharp knock blows it all away, she jumps when she feels the ribbons disappear. She looks out the small window and her heart almost floats away too. His blackened eyes stare at her, every single wish that he can't speak and every single piece of regret inbetween them lying there in the distant blue irises.

"As much as I'd like the past not to exist...it still does..."

She still stays seated at the keys, they beg her not to move. Both the voices fight each other in her mind, his missing touch, or the ribbons?

She stands up and goes over to the door and opens it slowly. He continues to stand there, waiting for her to ask him inside. She stands back to let him in and he obeys. She closes the door and turns to him, she can see the pain and the remorse overflowing inside him. She knows he hates It and wishes that that night had never happened. This isn't the first time he's shown this side of him, and she doesn't know if she should believe him.

But this time seems different, he doesn't reach for her like he had before. He doesn't begin to cry and weep his apologies while falling to his knees. He stands there silently, as if knowing that there is some damage that can just never be repaired.

"All the promises I made, just to let you down..."

The shame is so thick for him that he can't even keep his head up. It falls and hangs, his black hair swallowing it and turning him invisible. She has had so much time to hate him and miss him and wish him to bleed. She doesn't even know if she has any hatred left for him. She had always vowed that he would never be able to love her again, she would make it to where he would hate her because he gave her up. She had tried so long and succeeded, but she couldn't banish his imprint on her heart.

"I will still remember when you've long forgotten me..."

Maybe she is ready to have him again, but she doesn't know if he still wants to belong to It. He has to make a choice, she can't fight that battle for him. She hears his soft whisper from underneath his hair, but she can't understand him. She places her hand on his cheek and raises his face to gaze at her again. A small tear escapes him and falls down his face...falling forever.

"What did you say?" she asks.

"I...broke up with her. I gave her up...I didn't want her." he says.

Her eyes grow with shock, It's gone?! He got rid of It?! She gazed back at him, still not believing him.

He parts his lips and inhales sharply, "I always loved you. I guess I just loved you the wrong way and didn't realize it. I'm not here to ask for you back because I know I don't deserve you. I just want you to know that I'll always belong to you, even if you don't want me."

And with that he walks towards the door, he walks out of it and the door slams behind him. The echo reverberates off the walls and shatters against her ears...she knows it. She knows that she still loves him, she still wants him.

"I denied it all so long...oh so long."

She bolts out the door and is soon stabbed again by the cold, she spots his drifting figure and runs as fast as her heart will allow her to. She yells out his name and his head still stays turned.

But he knows she exists, she just has to make him hear!

"I LOVE YOU!"

That stops him, he spins around and sees her, he hears her, and he loves her. He runs towards her and she meets him halfway, she's in his arms as they're lips meet each other after so long. It's been too long.

"I'll never push you away again I promise." he weeps into her hair. She hugs him closer and kisses his ear. She inhales him and remembers how it felt, and she knows that they belong to each other again.

 

"I feel good enough for you to love me too..."

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The contrast you build up with this story line is quite a breather...the song excerpts and the way you play that into your presentation for the reader to consume --- etching closer and closer for the outcome to end...the idea of love is set free and comes back...is the moral here in the lines...no matter the obstacles...the pair is joined once more...a happy ending...

I have to give you a plus for creativity here...this is done in a unique flow...and gives me a brain of thought...then just the normal run about --- ditto to that...and this narrative...

[Wynter Page]

Thank you! I'm glad it inspires you!

[Glen Yumang Manese]

You're welcome...