Autumn Equinox

I felt like playing around a bit with this.

F

a

l          

l          

i           F         

n          a

g          l

            l

            i           F

            n          a

            g          l

                        l

                        i

                        n

                        g

Will time

Have

No

Mercy for the helpless spirit

Descending deep

Into

N o  t    h    i     n      g . .  .   .

Summer’s patient

Discharged again too early

Clouds loom over paradise

And Summer itself

And she

Begins

F

a

l

l

i

n

g         

            F

            a

            l

            l

            i

            n

            g

                        F

                        a

                        l

                        l                      

                        i

                        n

                        g

Withdrawal

For the

Sixteenth

Time

Sets

In

And

Sud

den

ly

Re

Sis

tence

Fails

F

a

l

l

i

n

g

F

a

l

l

i

n

g

F

a

l

l

i

n

g

Will time

Have

No

Mercy on the

Fallen.

Author's Note

Just tell me what you think, please. Don't just give me compliments, give me advice.

Reviews

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

I can't remember which poem it was--I think "I Will Carry You Forever"--but it was written in a similar structure. I'm going to say the same thing as for that one; I think the way you have broken the lines up is a little strange. Sometimes the one-word-in-a-line scheme works well (Cole Atkinson and Kenneth the Geek are two writers I've noticed who are quite good at it), and sometimes it just seems choppy. The way I picture autumn, and leaves falling, is more whimsical, on a breeze; less violent and choppy. They sort of drift and sail on the breeze as they fall. I really liked the way you formatted the word "Falling" each time, though--that was a neat effect.