Never Sent

Dear mom and dad,

This will be the first, and only, letter from me, as I will no longer be your son by the time you read this. I'm sorry  it has to be this way, but there's nothing that can be done about it. I wish I could say that everything will be ok, that things are going great, or that I miss home....that would be lying. I don't really think everything is going to be ok, nor is anything going great and I can't tell you that I miss home. The way things are here, I'll be amazed if I manage leave this place alive. I can't begin to describe what it's like here, you probably wouldn't believe me if I told you. I'm not sure you'd even understand.
I barely get to eat, I sleep even less, I've watched four of my friends die and that was just this month. Considering that I've already been here for five, I hope it says enough. The way things seem to work around here, I'll be joining those same friends before long. Some days, I think I'd be better off going that route. This place has twisted me in ways that I can't explain. The things I've done, what I've seen, have changed me. I've done things that I can never speak to you about, things that would break your heart. I have caused unbelievable amounts of pain and suffering. All of these terrible things I've done have made me who and what I now am: a man of war.
I have found something that I'm exceptional at. I have found my calling in life. I'm sure you wished for something better for me, but I honestly can't imagine doing anything else. If by some outrageous miracle I do make it home, I will not be who you remembered me to be. I won't be the boy you raised. I will be nothing but a shell of the son you once knew.
I wish I could tell you that I'm sorry, but I don't wanna bs you. My emotions have been burned from my body, torched by the flames of war.

I offer my sincerest apology for the loss of your son. Please take comfort in the knowledge that he has become an outstanding soldier, an excellent leader, and a feared opponent in the eyes of his enemy.

SGT. Kimmey
Alpha Co. 1st Platoon
75th Ranger Regiment

Author's Note

I wrote this in Afghanistan, but never actually sent it, hence, the name. I suppose it's something like a look inside my head, at the time.

Reviews

[Holly Mason]

THIS DESERVES MORE READS!!!!
do not-well I am no the one to tell you not to apologize but you are defending which may yes turn you into a man of war but a soldier is the overall being of character....
the depth of this write is truly incredible I am sorry you never sent this ...it is original in content and baring the soul on paper is better then holding it in your hands and not sharing...I was raised by grandfather and he saw 2 wars in his time...when PTSD was not given a serious thought...between the ages of 3 (true) and 15 I was his counselor or at least now I know this...many nights in the yard while imaginary enemies tried to over run our camp....THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE from my heart and my daughters future...oh and by the way ...if ya ever need a friend I am here*)

[Stanley Wilson]

glad you shared this, this is a great piece of writing

[Michael Perez]

This was a deep and chilling letter, that reverberated to the very core of my being. The eloquence, and yet the plain truth is evident. You have a real gift, even if you were in Afghanistan.