rough draft "don't lie there crying"

a villanelle. my first. please help give me insight.

Don’t lie there crying.

This is no time to fall apart

Even though you feel like dying.

 

You must force yourself to keep trying.

Don’t be afraid to follow your heart

Don’t lie there crying.

 

Don’t let them catch your sighing.

Absorb their poisoned dart.

Even though you feel like dying.

 

Stop feeding me excuses even you aren’t buying.

You knew the truth from the start.

Don’t lie there crying.

 

I don’t mean to be prying.

You may wish me to depart.

Even though you feel like dying.

 

You have knots that need untying,

Knots you must impart.

Don’t lie there crying

Even though you feel like dying. 

Author's Note

should i use "my friend" "my child" "child" "friend" or nothing before the "don't lie there crying? i need help! hahah

Reviews

[Sukriti Suki]

okay....so this is a nice one for the first time.

19 lines- check...1st and 3rd line rhyme in the stanza check. 5 Tercets and 1 quatrain- check. Ends in a Couplet- check....you did follow all the technicalities.

I like the ' don't lie there crying' without anything preceding it...for me it gives more impact. I like the idea behind this and the way the thoughts are expressed. After a few reads I liked that you are actually repeating the same sentence rather than new rhyming words, which can sometimes sound too forced. I enjoyed this write.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A trying and brilliant piece, well done great work