I am a Stick

A smile is sewn to my face as they mock me. I laugh along with them, they think I don’t care. If only they could see that I’m not laughing inside... I’m screaming, but the scream never manages to escape my lips.

“Stick.”

That’s what they call me. My friends, my family... I rarely hear my name from them. There is only one person who seems to remember that I have a name. I love to watch his lips shape my name...

“Anna...” he says. It’s a beautiful sound, it’s the shortest, sweetest melody. It floats to my ears and makes me feel human... It reminds me of my mother, how she used to sing my name. That was before she ran away, leaving me with six siblings and from that day on I never heard her sing my name again.

I'm Anna Black, and I am a stick.

Author's Note

I rewrote it. Is this any better? I hope it's not worse... I know it's very short but I want to get more feedback before I carry on writing it.

Reviews

[char]

It is short. But it has meaning to it and that's what short stories should always have.

[KurKota]

I really don't think this as bad as you seem to think, Anna ! You have expressed your frustration and feelings very well. The format of your writing is good also. The few little tweeks, if there are indeed any necessary, would be minor ones. I particularly like the way you end it, with a simple, very concise, statement that has alot of meaning in it. Overall, aside from the sadness of the situations you identify in here, I think it is a very nice writing.

[youngandfree]

Thank you!

[KurKota]

You are welcome, Anna

[Trigorin]

I don't think it's necessarily all that bad. I wish you'd expanded on it more and your tone is just a little too matter-of-fact for my tastes, but you've come across as very casual and on-topic, which is good, but with a slight undercurrent of seriousness. I'd really like to see this as a longer piece, as I think there's a lot of directions you can go with what you have.

[youngandfree]

You're right about the tone, I don't really think it shows the emotion I wanted it to... I think I'm going to re-write it.

[youngandfree]

Thanks for the feedback:)