Eclipse

Eclipse

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay
"

Primetime: An original form, created by Charlyne “Char” Zurick © 06/24/2010

"



Eclipse

This moment and forever,
hopes buried of together;
of ocean tides washing sand, 'neath our feet.

Away with wondrous semblance 
of all thy sweet remembrance;
those starry nights filled with our mingled heat.

Every bit I shall forget,
‘tis hard, I must now admit…
when my lonely hand strays beneath the sheet.

Those wint'ry days…coffee sips,
lives o’ershadowed by eclipse;
our love, I'm afraid, remains incomplete...




© 2017 Dr. YumnaKay


Author's Note

Dr. YumnaKay
A new form which Richard taught me as my learning experience continues 😊

My Review

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Featured Review

While I'm not familiar with this form, your rhyme & rhythm feels natural & well-structured. It seems like this message blends the styles of a more formal Elizabethan language mixed with a more casual everyday imagery. Good job for a learning experience!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

Thank you for this nice review over my little piece, BG. Truly appreciate your liking 😊



Reviews

WOW..... I've never read a poem so deep and simply beautiful. You know what, I'm in love with your poem.
Such a beautiful write!😊

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

Thank you, Anjali! I'm very much humbled and glad that you liked this piece. Truly appreciate your k.. read more
Honest and true words shared dear friend.
"Those wint'ry days…coffee sips,
lives o’ershadowed by eclipse;
our love, I'm afraid, remains incomplete...!"
I understand the above lines. Sometime coffee and memories. A shadow of some kind of peace. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote





Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

I agree with you. Thank you for liking, Coyote! It means a lot to me :)
Coyote Poetry

4 Years Ago

You are welcome dear friend.
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Ty
Such a rhythmic souffle flow to this.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

Thank you! I appreciate your words 😊
I should forget about forms and concentrate on the right words.... Put your hand under the sheet and take another blank one :-)



Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

Lol yeah the eye sees what they want to see 😛😉
Thank you! 😇😇
The Literary beauty and the feel both shine in your poem. You are presenting your talent in different shades. We are witnessing a fine poetess emerging. Thanks for sharing this.
My salute to your mentor!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

Thank you so much, Bala, for this amazing appreciation! I'm glad you like my efforts!
If it .. read more
Bala Gorthi

4 Years Ago

Thank you both, I get so much. I am enlightened. I wish I had more time to read more.
Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

Ahh that's so nice of you to say 😊😊
Great poetic use of words promoting the imagery in this write! When our source of illumination is hidden from view, the obscuring consequences are heartfelt. Loved this ….

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

I agree with your words. I'm glad you liked this. mulțumesc :)
I love that you're trying something different! And every poem is pure perfection :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

I'm a restless soul, you know me 😉
Thank you so much, Gullia! That's a great compliment! .. read more
This moment forever,
hopes buried together;
Sand washed away, beneath our feet.

Nice poem, I would change the start to something like the above as I feel it has a better flow.

Keep up the good work.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

Actually this specific form required a syllable count of 7/7/10 in its verses. Making the change you.. read more
Shaun Gurmin

4 Years Ago

Okay. What is this specific form? I would be interested in knowing more, maybe I could experiment wi.. read more
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BBP
Always mixing sweet with a bit of bitter sass! Nice combo Yumna. :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

Isn't it what life is like too? Lol and your novel as well 😛
Thank you, Bev! I appreciate.. read more
I adore this piece Yumna. There is always bittersweet feeling in the unfulfilled desire. Let go with the love for yourself and love for the other. enjoyed reading it.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

4 Years Ago

Thank you so much, Queen! Somehow those unfulfilled desires keep reminding us of their presence even.. read more

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Added on March 14, 2017
Last Updated on November 6, 2017


Author

Dr. YumnaKay
Dr. YumnaKay

Pakistan



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