Stripped naked ~ in love

Experimental scribbles. Inspired.

Stripped Naked ~ In Love 

I have loved you wordless;

silent, sometimes.

My eyes have spoken rain,

my heart has raged timeless.

I have wallowed

in sheer melancholy 

of wanting you, sometimes.

I have made excuses,

I have stripped myself naked 

to perfect strangers;

unveiled.

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

There are places deeper than words can express... wordless places... silent paths... and there seems to be a flavor of salted tears that mists this path of your soul. It seems a sea of emotions crests and crashes through you here... sorrow... anger... waves awakening the spirit... hoping... wishing... wanting... even in brokenness.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

There are indeed...thank you so much for your words here, Craig. Appreciated.

[Jibey]

A title designed to grab the attention of drooling admirers...:-) Some words stood out for me (hehe) - 'wallowed', 'unveiled'... conveying a sense of self-indulgence, a desire to escape from purdah and dance naked under the full moon… Yes, indeed, fantasies are the stuff of poets' dreams, the evidence of things unseen. A good exercise in expressing romantic longings.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Drooling admirers? Haha that makes me laugh! 😛😂
But yes, I agree! Fantasies are kinda compulsory at times ;) I'm glad you like it, Jibey. Thank you so much :-))

[barleygirl]

I love your message, conveyed with a ton of originality, becuz I've always believed the essence of true love has more to do with honesty than the other trappings some fall for. Being naked (in spirit) in front of another shows trust, a necessary ingredient for any kind of love, whether romantic, admiring from afar, or steady friendship (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I do believe that too, though with it comes a certain vulnerability...Thank you so much for appreciating this one, BG. It was actually inspired by one of Rumi's poem. Idk if you're aware of him though.

[barleygirl]

I love Rumi *smile*

[Mr. Malarkey]

Opening yourself to the world can be such a daunting task, especially since you don't know how the world or that special someone will react. It is very suspenseful. Thanks for sharing!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

So it can be... thank you so much for reading and appreciating :)

[Surpassthelines]

I find the title very deep-Wordless has a form of fears in life for many and for reasons, only the one wording can say. Tears seem to release within the feelings. Sad rages of feelings inside. It seems we make excuses to never speak to ever friend to ever love and to hold many things. We are human I have been told many times. Stripped seems you gave many feelings in life . I may be wrong and if so then leave it be. I see naked to show one's body or is it a body of feelings? It was an overall sound write.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You might be right. I like leaving my pieces open to interpretations. Thank you so much for your thoughts here and for appreciating. :)

[Surpassthelines]

Pleasure was all mine.

[Richard🖌]

Well, Yumna Dear,
You know me and my caring teacher's eye when it comes to You … LOL!
Despite all the parts and intricacies being there, along with your expressed emotional depth and intimate thrusts of raw sensations shared, this one lacks the skills I know you possess in poetic voice and talent of presentation, that which would bring it fully to life and make it dance to the rhythmic musicality it deserves, and robs it of its fullest poetic power … open it up, let it sighhh and breathe!

1. Mind-eye appeal: There is wayyy to much white space that diminishes the eloquence of its presence and significance.
2. The lines-breaks are all over the place, which trips flow and breaks your reader's poetic spell.
3. Give it it s due personality with a a size larger, more expressive, italic font and color.
4. Periods needed in a coupl'a spots, too.
You can do farrr better than this with your eyes closed … LOL!

Having said all that, I love it for what it says to my heart, to my soul, to the depths and understanding of my rugged, knowing olde heart.
True, us poetry writers bare and share our emotions, feelings, etc; shamelessly raw and naked at times, and good for us that we do, but we can at least do it with poetic class, skill, and eloquence, eh? ; )

Love you, love your poetry, how your pen works, and much more, and none of that is liable to change.
Hugs 'n blessings, Dear Poetess! ⁓ Richard : )

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Firstly, I thank you so much for choosing this piece for critic, Richard. Nothing pleases me more to have your expert advice, as I am still a learner and of course your student :D
I did change the font and other things you pointed out although the italics did not suit well to my mind's eye :x I do agree about what you said regarding too much white space, it almost takes the reader's attention, yes.
And ah, I know, I've been a bit off colour lately in terms of writing but still trying to keep up. Thank you so much for reviewing and still appreciating what little poetic voice this piece has. Always humbled. Blessings back :)

[Crowley]

And sometimes thats the only thing that makes us feel better or at least understood. They all know when things are well and love is good, and on the flip side...I think they should know as well. Its the way we identify our own. Great writing!!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much for your words here, Crowley. Appreciated. :)

[Lyn Anderson]

When we are in love it's there for everyone to see, in our words, and in our eyes- total strangers will know ...
Nicely done

[Dr. YumnaKay]

At times, that's the thing at stakes...
Thank you so much for appreciating this piece, Lyn.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Opening up your heart for all to see can be daunting experience; be it wise or foolish, it is always a brave move. Loved this piece ...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Thank you so much for your words here, Phill. Glad you like it. (:

[jacob erin-cilberto]

isn't it strange...as poets we let our feelings be known to strangers, yet those we write about, rarely if ever actually see the words...or know they even exist.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

That's what I fibd strange too. I think it's more the fact that we feel comfortable sharing with strangers because even if they judge us, it wouldn't matter really.
Thank you so much for your thoughts here, Jacob. Appreciated.