Treading Water

My small craft

had capsized

In tumultuous seas:

I saw her, tossed on furious

grey mountains of waves,

a plaything for

elemental forces,

drifting,

and drifting

away,

 

Treading water, you see

is a temporary measure:

the body eventually

tires out.

 

Have you seen them?

Livid and thin, their faces,

desperation and exhaustion in equal measure

engraved on waxen features.

limbs waving and pulsing

like flotsam.

Only their eyes are alive.

 

I was like this,

foundering on

the storm-wracked sea.

 

And with the dawning realisation

that it was not long now,

a siren ascended from the dark,

drew close and sang sweet horrors

of an end to the strife.

 

After all,

beneath the waves

the storm is forgotten

and all is still, In the

Unfathomable

Deep.

 

 

Reviews

[DirectTangent]

A very nice piece of work, here. Wonderful use of imagery - that of being tossed about by larger forces, laboring just to hang on. Then the seduction of thoughts of surrender - singing sweet horrors, as you say. I enjoyed the read very much.

[Firebird]

I really like this! I prefer it to your rhyming Tennyson-like poem on a similar theme. This one is less wordy but stronger and more powerful for me. Thanks

[Zugzwang]

I wrote this first and agree it's better. The other was a sonnet and suffered due to my lack of facility with getting things into rhyme schemes. But I thought it was good practice. Thanks for the review!

[Elizabeth]

The fifth stanza reminds me a bit of an addiction. For some the siren is a bottle, for some a needle. Love the layers, here. Nicely done.

[Zugzwang]

Thanks, Elizabeth. The siren sings an intoxicating song which is very difficult to resist. I guess that's why Odysseus had himself lashed to the mast of his ship while he sailed through siren territory. And I have done the same (!)

[alifeacoustic]

This is wonderfully written, pulling the reader in, not unlike the sirens song, with a feel of the life fading like a softly spoken lullaby, taking you to your unfathomable deep. Has a great flow to it. Nicely done Sir.

[Zugzwang]

You flatter me! That's what it's about...the feeling like one's hold on life is slipping. It is in fact a metaphor for an experience with suicidal depression. Obviously with a positive ending, but here I describe a low point.

[J3ssInJupit3r]

I feel like I am there. I really liked the descriptions you used to capture the setting and create a picture for your audience. Beautiful piece.

[Zugzwang]

Thanks very much. It's a metaphorical piece too describing an emotional state. I like images with double meanings, perhaps because of my interest in Zen poetry.

[terry smith]

...last thoughts of a drowning man.....nice poem!!

[Zugzwang]

Thank you Terry.
The poem is highly metaphorical also but I prefer to leave the interpretation up to the reader.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.