Chapter 1 - Longing for the Dreamer

Chapter 1 - Longing for the Dreamer

A Chapter by Annie Doru

Chapter 1 - Longing for the Dreamer


People lay on the ground beneath a golden spire, where a tall black fence encased them. No noise. No invaders. Only the petals of the cherry trees above drifted into the sanctuary. The fence squeaked open. A man entered through the gate. After stepping in, the gate clanged shut, making him flinch. He treaded lightly, his steps barely making any noise. He made his way towards a prone body, a woman with curly blonde hair. He loomed over her. The shade he cast upon her obscured the radiance of the sunset. He kneeled. His fingers skimmed the air above her face, not quite touching, but revering.

He then touched her ring finger, just below the third knuckle. Small black markings sprouted from where he touched. Her eyelids fluttered. He stood up, turned around and started to walk back the way he came. A single black tear ran astray of the vertical scar on his right eye. It grayed his ghost white skin, and his steps slowed. A gust of wind jostled his heavy black trench coat. He whimpered softly and wiped away the tear and continued walking. He then fixed his wind tossed short black hair, and made sure every hair is back in place as he continued to walk away. He went through the gate and down the steps, leaving the woman behind.

Waking up with a start, she shifted in her messy bed. A foggy feeling enveloped her, her head felt heavy, and her brain was still half asleep. She covered her face with her hands. She opened her eyes. Black markings on her ring finger were visible.

"What?" She groggily whispered under her breath.

Putting her hands on her knees, she hoisted herself up. While she walked to her bathroom, she struggled to deal with how heavy her head felt still. Flicking on the light switch, she threw her hands onto the sides of the sink. She looked up at the mirror; fair skin, a heart-shaped face, small nose, full lips, and mint green eyes welcomed her.

She looked down at her hands, seeing the black markings that made a ring  around her fourth finger. She lifted her hand. Tracing the markings all around the finger.

"How’d I get these?" She whispered and eyed the weird squiggles that a ring could cover up.

She decided not to, to make sure that nobody would get the wrong idea. She put a hand to her head, she felt too tired to deal with such a weird predicament at the moment. She realized that it might be early in the morning, remembering the window she walked past was dark. Walking back to her bed, she looked at the clock. Glowing red numbers confirmed it was three in the morning. she had to go back to sleep so she could start her new job as a nurse at the town nearby, she felt so happy that she could finally help people, remembering she wanted to be a nurse ever since she was small. She groaned and jumped back onto her bed.  She thought hard about the black markings and what she could do, until she drifted off to sleep.

After a short time, she woke up. It was clear she was in a completely different place. She laid beneath a clear, dark blue evening sky, the treetops of the cherry trees above her head swayed gently in the breeze. She felt at peace here, like all her worldly worries were suddenly far away. She wore a beautiful white dress instead of her pajamas. She turned to get up, shaking cherry tree petals off of herself. There were other people next to her, all of them sleeping. A bell’s strong, deep and vibrating ring cut through the silence, and she looked to the golden spire, which seemed to be the source of the noise. Surprisingly, even though the sound was loud enough to cause ringing in her ears, the other people did not wake up. Looking to a sleeping man with long gray hair tied in a ponytail, she wondered how even a heavy sleeper could sleep through such a noise. She slowly started to reach out to the man, wondering if she could shake him awake.

"I wouldn't do that Gabrielle," a female voice warned. Gabrielle quickly turned around, a short creature dressed in white robes embossed with gold borders and strange sigils stared back at her. It had a hood that resembled a straight wizard hat at the top, the hat-like hood's top bent back and had a big white tassel at the end. Below the hat, a hole for the creature's face which was shrouded by darkness, and two large and almost neon-like white eyes with no human features glowed brightly.

"Who are you? And how did you know my name?" She asked with a shaky voice, she wasn’t scared of the creature in front of her, but it certainly weirded her out quite a bit.

"I’m Shai, and I know all of the names of the people sleeping here; it is my job to watch over them."

Brushing off the rest of the cherry petals on her dress, she looked up at the creature, confused. "You don't seem shy to me," She said with a less shaky voice, brushing all that she saw off as a weird dream.

The creature's eyes squint angrily. "No, S, H, A, I. Shai!" the creature named Shai exasperatingly holds up its clawed and four-fingered fist covered in white cloth.

"Oh! I'm sorry, it sounded like another word!” She said, an embarrassed look on her face. Usually the weird things she dreams up don’t know her name, so this was new to her.

"I came when I heard the bell," Shai said, her hand relaxed and pointed to the golden spire behind her. "It only rings when someone wakes up." She lowered her hand and put it in one of the gold embossed pockets on her robe.

"What is this place? And why am I the only one besides you who’s awake?" She asked and looked around at the many sleeping people that lay on the ground.

"This is the Field of Dreamers. Once a dreamer appears, the spire keeps track. Only if a dreamer has enough magical power will they awaken." Shai then pointed to the man next to her. "He does not yet have the power to enter into this world."

"Why do you need magical power to wake up?" Gabrielle asked and gripped her dress, she felt like it should have been someone else instead of her to wake up.

"Because this world is too dangerous for non-magic users," Shai warned, lowered her other hand, and put it into its respective pocket as well.

"World? This isn't Earth, is it?" Gabrielle asked and put a closed hand to her chin, waiting for Shai's answer.

"This world is Elega, not Earth."

© 2018 Annie Doru

My Review

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This has captured my attention; I am interested to see where this goes.
I did notice some areas that could use a little improvement. In the first paragraph, you tell the reader that only the cherry blossom petals can enter the sanctuary. Yet, in the very next sentence, we see that this isn't quite true, when the man enters by way of the squeaking gate. Perhaps change the wording in the "first" sentence for clarification...something along the lines of "Only the petals of the cherry trees above drifted into the sanctuary."
Another thing that I noted was your use of the word "obfuscated." In the context of your sentence, this word doesn't fit or make sense. Obfuscate means to confuse or bewilder. It can also mean to make unclear or to darken (but this is still in the sense of confusion; not in blotting out an object). You might use the word "obscure" instead, or something similar.
Another thing that I noticed was your dialogue in the beginning of the chapter. Whenever a person begins speaking, you must start a new paragraph.
One more thing that really stood out to me was the switch of tense. You start out in past tense (encased, squeaked, entered, loomed, etc). Then, when you go into the description of the witch-hat-hood (which could use a little work), you switch over to present tense (resembles, bends, eyes squint, etc).

Overall, I am looking forward to reading more, and seeing where the story will take the reader. Well done!

Posted 4 Months Ago

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Added on November 9, 2017
Last Updated on March 27, 2018
Tags: Fantasy, Science-Fiction, Romance, Light Maiden

The Light Maiden's Mark


Annie Doru
Annie Doru

I'm a 27 year old woman who has a lot of stuff in her head. more..