Does My Bum Look Big In This ??

Being tactful,

So, she who must be obeyed entered the living room wearing her latest purchase.

" Does my bum look big in this ? "

Already knowing the answer I looked up. The Good lady wife was holding her shirt just above waist height showing off
a floral patterned pair of leggings, skin tight, the daisies that adorned her cheek area stretched to the size of sunflowers, sunflowers with cellulite.

"No my sweet, if anything they highlight your curvaceous figure "

"Ahh, do you think so? they're not to bright ? I'm not to old to wear these ? do they give me a camels hoof ? "

" To bright, no dear the colour lifts your skin tone, to old, never, as for the camels hoof...."

As I said this she turned to face me. Jesus, 2 yards of material had disappeared into her nether regions, either side of which flaps formed, these, if plaid coated would not have looked out of place on a deer stalker hat.

" No dear, not a sign of a camels hoof "

"Ahh, thanks honey, they're not to big are they ? I'll wear these to the christening tomorrow "

She pecked me on the cheek and thundered upstairs to change.

At least the vicar would have somewhere to park his bike I thought to myself

Reviews

[AwesomeSiya]

HILARIOUS!!!! It's the funniest one I've ever seen!!

[Gee]

Thank you kindly

[AwesomeSiya]

Ur Welcome!! :)

[Clifford]

Hilarious, and probably something experienced by thousands of husbands. Awesome descriptions abound in this story.

[Gee]

Cheers Clifford

[ABG 2.0]

the jaws of extremis it is
why would one not lie when the consequence of the truth lies heavy?
'no dear heart ... your big bum is ...' guaranteed death sentence

good read

[Gee]

Cheers, appreciate you taking the time to read and comment

[Carol Cashes]

What a sweet little piece of husbandly advice. Only thing to change was most of the "to's" to "too's". Otherwise, perfectly executed and hilarious.

[Gee]

Thank you Carol, will make the changes highlighted.

[Black Rose]

Hahaha! you described the bitter truth in the most sweet full way. 😅

[crowcapital]

The last line is pure murder. I just love it. I wouldn't dream of saying it to my wife, but... well maybe during the devorce.

[Gee]

Cheers, luckily not about my good lady

[Wajiha Nayeem]

hahaahhaha.....that was too nice!....''does my bum look big inthis?''.....i loved it! great work..still smiling

[Gee]

Thank you Wajiha

[duff]

This is great! Hahaha. It's hilarious and told with charm and wit. Your choices for imagery fit perfectly . I'm still smiling from reading it. Well done Gee:)

[Gee]

Thanks Duff, glad it raised a smile

[duff]

Oh it definitely did. Kicked my day off the right way with a good laugh so thank you.

[William Gardner]

Lovingly English of you, where I come from, we just say they look fat. You put a grin on my face, I appreciate that.

[Gee]

Cheers William, we think fat but say otherwise. Glad it raised a smile

[William Gardner]

lol we think fat, we say fat- there's usually violence.

[Gee]

Lol, last thing I need is the embarrassment of being beaten to a pulp by a fat bird

[Annette Pisano Higley]

Oh Snap! You cut us to the quick Sir Gee! "Sunflowers with cellulite"-Whaaaat?! Excellent, Hilarious satire that had me running to the mirror to re-check...:) Last line just kills! Hope SHE is forgiving. Great read!

[Gee]

Thank you Annette

[barleygirl]

This is hilarious! I love uninhibited outrageousness like this. What an amazing imagination you have! The way you use exaggeration as humor is off the charts: "sunflowers with cellulite" . . . "two yards of material had disappeared into her nether regions" . . . and on that last one, a wicked blend of understatement & exaggeration (how do you DO that?) *smile* (((HUGS)))

[Gee]

Lo, thanks. An underused mind and over active imagination is to blame