Does My Bum Look Big In These ??

Does My Bum Look Big In These ??

A Story by Gee
"

Being tactful,

"
So, she who must be obeyed entered the living room wearing her latest purchase.

" Does my bum look big in these ? "

Already knowing the answer I looked up. The Good lady wife was holding her shirt just above waist height, showing off floral patterned, skin tight leggings, on which the daisies were stretched to the size of sunflowers, sunflowers with cellulite.

"No my sweet, if anything they highlight your curvaceous figure "

"Ahh, do you think so? they're not to bright? I'm not to old to wear these? do they give me a camels hoof? "

" To bright, no dear the colour lifts your skin tone, to old, never, as for the camels hoof...."

As I said this she turned to face me. Jesus, 2 yards of material had disappeared into her nether regions, either side of which flaps formed, these, if plaid coated would not have looked out of place on a deer stalker hat.

" No dear, not a sign of a camels hoof "

"Ahh, thanks honey, they're not to big are they ? I'll wear these to the christening tomorrow "

She pecked me on the cheek and thundered upstairs to change.

At least the vicar would have somewhere to park his bike I thought to myself



© 2018 Gee



My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Reviews

HILARIOUS!!!! It's the funniest one I've ever seen!!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Thank you kindly
AwesomeSiya

1 Year Ago

Ur Welcome!! :)
Hilarious, and probably something experienced by thousands of husbands. Awesome descriptions abound in this story.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Cheers Clifford
the jaws of extremis it is
why would one not lie when the consequence of the truth lies heavy?
'no dear heart ... your big bum is ...' guaranteed death sentence

good read

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Cheers, appreciate you taking the time to read and comment
What a sweet little piece of husbandly advice. Only thing to change was most of the "to's" to "too's". Otherwise, perfectly executed and hilarious.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Thank you Carol, will make the changes highlighted.
Black Rose

1 Year Ago

Hahaha! you described the bitter truth in the most sweet full way. 😅
The last line is pure murder. I just love it. I wouldn't dream of saying it to my wife, but... well maybe during the devorce.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Cheers, luckily not about my good lady
hahaahhaha.....that was too nice!....''does my bum look big inthis?''.....i loved it! great work..still smiling

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Thank you Wajiha
This is great! Hahaha. It's hilarious and told with charm and wit. Your choices for imagery fit perfectly . I'm still smiling from reading it. Well done Gee:)

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Thanks Duff, glad it raised a smile
duff

1 Year Ago

Oh it definitely did. Kicked my day off the right way with a good laugh so thank you.
Lovingly English of you, where I come from, we just say they look fat. You put a grin on my face, I appreciate that.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Cheers William, we think fat but say otherwise. Glad it raised a smile
William Gardner

1 Year Ago

lol we think fat, we say fat- there's usually violence.
Gee

1 Year Ago

Lol, last thing I need is the embarrassment of being beaten to a pulp by a fat bird
Oh Snap! You cut us to the quick Sir Gee! "Sunflowers with cellulite"-Whaaaat?! Excellent, Hilarious satire that had me running to the mirror to re-check...:) Last line just kills! Hope SHE is forgiving. Great read!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Thank you Annette
This is hilarious! I love uninhibited outrageousness like this. What an amazing imagination you have! The way you use exaggeration as humor is off the charts: "sunflowers with cellulite" . . . "two yards of material had disappeared into her nether regions" . . . and on that last one, a wicked blend of understatement & exaggeration (how do you DO that?) *smile* (((HUGS)))

Posted 1 Year Ago


Gee

1 Year Ago

Lo, thanks. An underused mind and over active imagination is to blame

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

1316 Views
42 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 26, 2017
Last Updated on September 9, 2018

Author

Gee
Gee

Milton keynes, United Kingdom



About
Simple stuff scribbled badly....under no illusions as to my limitations. English is my first language, though after reading me you'll doubt this can be true . more..

Writing
Shell  Shock Shell Shock

A Poem by Gee



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


soon soon

A Poem by sette


Corset Corset

A Poem by Abby





Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5