She Breathes

She Breathes

A Poem by ManasaC

She waits for Death

Like a barren Land for a droplet of the sky;

She breathes

But doesn’t live

She feels the air around her

But the heart yearns to become the aether itself;

Oceanic depths can be conquered

Compared to those labyrinthine crevices of the heart;

Stories light her up

Yet she is a story ready to fade

Like the ink on an old parchment;

A victim of nothingness

A criminal of her life

She suspires,

Because at heart she is

A coward to die …


© 2016 ManasaC



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Reviews

Very well worded, Manasa.Your poem is very powerful and deep. Excellent write Manasa!
A tragic tale of 'her' who tries to breathe.
These lines are my favorite.
A victim of nothingness
A criminal of her life
She suspires,
Because at heart she is
A coward to die …


Posted 9 Months Ago


Powerful, honest and sad words shared. When we seek death over life. A bad place. You create situation of despair and dead-end. A strong ending to the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 11 Months Ago


ManasaC

11 Months Ago

Thank you so much!!!
Coyote Poetry

11 Months Ago

You are welcome.
Beautifully tragic. The flesh is hesitant to give into what the soul begs for. "Labyrinthine crevices of the heart" is such a great line.
Excellent poem!!

Posted 11 Months Ago


ManasaC

11 Months Ago

Thank you so Much!!!
Critique: (Like a barren Land for a droplet of the sky) first, did you mean (from the sky)? I normally am pointing out defining words people leave out of a sentence but it this case I am suggesting the removal of one (Like barren Land for droplets from the sky). A barren land individualizes it when all barren lands apply, the same thing go's with a droplet. This is just a suggestion and not a criticism of your work.
(She feels the air around) air around her - defining word needed to tell where she feels the air, since two lines before you mention she breathes so it could be in her lungs she feels the air.
(But the heart yearns to become the ether itself) other self?

Review: Outstanding job, it is very powerful and has good emotional and philisophical depth. I apploud your word usage as you have some great sentences (Compared to those labyrinthine crevices of the heart) and (A victim of nothingness) being two of my favorit. I hope you get the chance to read this outloud at a poetry reading or open mic event as I think it would be well recived be any and everyone :~) Standing Ovation! I give it five out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!



Posted 11 Months Ago


ManasaC

11 Months Ago

Firstly thank you for the time you took. I intended to use "of" because it kind of suggested more po.. read more
Bear

11 Months Ago

Thank you for clarifying that for me I can see what you were going for now, I hope I am the only one.. read more

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Added on November 11, 2016
Last Updated on November 11, 2016

Author

ManasaC
ManasaC

India



About
"Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there; I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sun on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain... more..

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