Waya

Waya

A Chapter by MightyMouse

“I’m hungry, Waya.” Jake whines in his ear. “I don’t have any food right now, Jakey. I have to find somewhere to stay for the night. It’s getting dark now. Besides, you just ate.” Jake crosses his small arms on top of Waya’s head. “So.”

“You keep on pouting, Jakey. It’s not going to magically put food in your belly. Ah, here we go.” Waya and Jake have stumbled across an old cabin. It feels kind of eerie finding an old cabin in the woods, but it’s the first real shelter they’ve found in months.  

The grass is as tall as Waya’s waist. White tree limbs scatter the yard protruding like bones from the tall grass. Untrimmed bushes line the front of the cabin, their many limbs reaching towards the roof trying to reclaim the space taken from them by the porch. Waya pushes the door of the brown wooden fence, and it falls off it’s hinges landing with hollow thump on the ground. The rest of the fence is in similar conditions. He cringes at it hoping the cabin itself isn’t as frail. Waya reaches up and pulls Jake from his shoulders and sets him on the ground. Jake puts his little hand in Waya’s and hugs his leg. “Are you sure it’s safe, Waya? This place looks scary.” He says burying his face in the back of Waya’s knee. Waya gives his hand a squeeze to reassure him. “Don’t you worry. I’m going to check it out and make sure it’s safe and then I’m going to stay here until you fall asleep. I’ll be back before you even wake up, so you won’t even know I’m gone.”

Waya leads Jake towards the cabin. The five year old giggles as he half skips behind Waya hopping every few steps to see over the grass. Waya laughs with him. Jake hadn’t laughed often since the start of the apocalypse but Waya treasured every moment.

Waya is Jake’s older brother. They used to live alone with their father in New York city. When the apocalypse hit they drove out to Nevada to meet up with their uncle. They had plans to move on to the far east of Arizona where their uncle owned a huge house with high fences and twenty four hour security, but their plans were changed when they never found their uncle. He had become infected and had disappeared, at least that’s what they were told by some of his friends. They made the decision to go to Arizona anyways, but their father had gotten pneumonia on the way and they were forced to stop. Needless to say, their father didn’t make it. And to make matters worse, their truck had been stolen. So Waya and Jake continued on foot towards the direction they assumed to be Arizona and their uncle’s safe house.

Waya has short, dark brown hair that looks almost black in low light. His eyes are equally as dark brown as his hair. He has fair unblemished skin stretched tightly along the bones of his malnourished face. He hasn’t shaved in almost a week, inviting Jake to pick on him for looking like big foot. Waya also hadn’t changed his clothes since the last time he shaved. He’s wearing a dark green, too tight t-shirt stretched over his chest emphasizing his muscular build. The shirt hangs loosely over his stomach region, the only sign that he hasn’t eaten properly in some time. His blue jeans are stained with blood and dirt. The soles of work boots are starting to separate. He’s going to need a new pair soon. Jake is only five years old. He looks like his brother, minus the beard. He also has very curly hair and glasses that people seemed to just fall in love with. He’s small for a five year old, barely weighing forty pounds. His arms and legs are skinny even though Waya makes sure he eats regularly. Jakes probably the only person Waya has seen physically healthy in a long time. Waya also makes sure to bathe him everyday, even when they hardly have enough water. So Jake is in a clean red t-shirt with a picture of dinosaurs on the front of it and black sweatpants. His light up shoes have just about had it same as Waya’s. Waa didn’t want to give him the light up shoes because they attracted attention in the dark, but Jake insisted and Waya didn’t have the heart to tell him no.

They stop in front of the porch. Up close the cabin is more intimidating. The burgundy paint is chipping away from the walls revealing the rotting wood underneath. The once green shingled roof is stained black with mold. The cabin casts an ominous shadow over them. The porch creeks as they ascend the four steps. Waya can feel the steps about to give under his weight. At the top of the steps Waya is forced to bend down to avoid the caved in porch roof. Jake slips and would have tumbled into a hole in the floor if Waya hadn’t been holding his hand. Jake stares down at the hole like he’s offended that it had the nerve to be under his feet. Waya chuckles and ruffles his hair. “What’s the matter, Jakey? The floor try to eat you?” Jake laughs his musical toddler laugh and smacks his forehead with the palm of his hand. “The floor can’t eat people, Waya!”

Waya picks Jack up to the roof above the doorway.“I want you to stay up here until I come back out, okay?” Waya says. “Nothing can get you if you stay up there, but don’t move around a whole lot. I’m not sure the roof will hold for much longer.” Jake nods and obediently scoots away from the edge grabbing his knees. His laughter fades from his face and seriousness takes its place.. Jake is afraid of heights, so he closes his eyes and begins chanting:

“It’s okay to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave. Scared is what you’re feeling, brave is what you’re doing. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in my heart that says: turn back. As long as I am breathing, I’ll be okay.”

Waya taught Jake to say his chant every time he’s afraid of something, which he is a lot. The chant gave his mind something to do so he didn’t think about what was scaring him. It usually works. Waya takes his backpack off and sets it down on the floor. He reaches into the front pocket and pulls out his knife. He decided the bigger knife will be a wiser choice than the small one he keeps on his side for emergency use only. He stares at the faded brown door and takes a deep breath. He turns the knob of the door slowly and gives the door a gentle push. It falls open with a noisy squeak and thumps against the wall. Waya is blasted with the smell of mildew and something dead. He stumbles backwards and coughs into his arm. He takes a deep breath and holds it as he steps over the threshold cautiously.

The door opens into a short walkway. A shoe rack is against the right wall nearly empty except for a small, worn out pair of black and pink sketchers. Opposite the shoe rack, hanging on the wall are three large black umbrellas and a little girl’s butterfly raincoat. Waya takes two steps into the cabin and pauses at the end of the left wall to peek around the corner. The first room is the kitchen. Waya imagined it used to be a beautiful kitchen. The countertops and island are made of black marble. The cabinets are made out of a beautiful dark wood, maybe oak. Unfortunately, it isn’t beautiful right now though. The floor is littered with paper that has been walked on so many times the print is unreadable. The cabinets lay open and bare except for a few boxes of cereal and cans without labels. Waya inspects the food, only to find that the cereal has been eaten by rats, and only one can hadn’t been open. The can doesn’t have a label and for all he knows, it’s dog food, but he holds on to it just in case. He opens the refrigerator, mostly out of curiosity. A gallon of milk is on it’s side, it’s contents spilled on the shelves ruining everything. A package of chicken breast is the only other food item in the fridge. He looks down, and to his surprise, sees a huge rat on the bottom shelf. The smell of the rotten milk and chicken combined with the sight of the rat has him stumbling as he tries to shut the door again. The rat squeaks in fear as he slips and the door slams closed. Waya falls against the island hitting his back between his shoulder blades and coming to a hard stop on the tiled floor. “Ouch!” He mumbles as he stands back up and tries to rub his back. He quickly scans the area behind him, embarrassed, looking for any sign of trouble, though finding none, he continues his search. He opens the freezer, a little more cautiously. Inside the freezer is a pack of melted popsicles and a small wooden box that Waya thinks looks a little out of place. It isn’t a food container, so he takes the popsicles and the box out of the freezer and places them and the can of whatever he found on the island. He leaves them there so his hands are free to investigate the rest of the house.

Across from the kitchen is the living room.Waya walks towards it holding his knife up higher. The smell of whatever was dead is stronger the closer he gets to the living room. He glances around the corner of the kitchen out into the hallway, but it’s too dark to see anything. He turns his attention back towards the room ahead of him. “One room at a time.” he mumbles under his breath. The living room is huge. Waya can see a spot along the farthest end of the room where another wall used to be giving him the impression that it used to be two rooms. He inspects the rest of the living space working from the outside to the middle. The walls are lined with shelves that are full of little figurines of animals. One in particular catches his attention. A figurine of a velociraptor. It’s about two inches tall, so he puts it into his pocket rather than leaving it with the items in the kitchen. A china cabinet is against the wall near the entrance. The plates and cups still appear to be in perfect condition, but Waya ignores it and walks further into the room. He doesn’t need cups and plates. Furniture is thrown around and full of leaves and dirt a product of the collapsed roof. The hole in the ceiling is large enough that Waya would have no trouble climbing in and out of it. The debris from the ceiling has landed on the tv, crushing it. A large beige padded rocking chair sits facing a small fireplace, and looks just as out of place as the box in the freezer. It’s odd that the rocking chair is sitting perfectly upright when everything else is in disarray. Waya wonders if it was moved after the ceiling collapsed. He debates with himself on whether or not he should go investigate or not, but curiosity takes over and he inches his way towards it. He steps up beside the rocking chair, his legs twitchy with the instinct to run and his heart pounding so loud he’s sure Jake can hear it outside. He hesitantly looks around the rocking chair. An old woman is sitting there, her eyes wide open, her mouth slack. He nightgown and slippers are green and sticky as she’s been decaying for quite some time. Waya backs up several feet tripping over a small wooden coffee table and hitting his head on the side of the beige couch. He lays stunned for a moment on the ground and eventually picks himself back up. He puts his hand to his chest and concentrates on slowing his heart down. “My curiosity is going to get me killed someday.” He mumbles exasperatingly to himself. He leaves the living room to inspect the rest of the cabin and hopes he doesn’t find any more surprises.

He fishes a small flashlight out of his back pocket and clicks it on. Every door in the hallway is opened, and they’re all on the left. He takes a deep breath and tiptoes slowly to the first room. This room used to be a child’s room. A crib is on it’s side in the back right corner, and a pink toddler bed is in the left. Between the two are boxes full of girls and boys toys. There are posters of the alphabet and numbers and shapes and some of baby animals all around the room. The window has been broken allowing nature to dirty the floor. But the worst thing about the room is all the blood. Blood covers everything in the room. The bed and crib, the toy boxes and the white carpet are all covered in dark brown blood. Waya feels sick, so he backs out of the room. He kicks a stuffed animal out into the hall on his way out, and bends to pick it up. It’s a small light brown stuffed monkey, and has to be one of the very few things not covered in blood in the entire room. He decides to give it to Jake. Jake had lost his first toy, a stuffed horse he’d named Yugi, a few weeks earlier and hadn’t slept soundly. Waya hopes having something to cuddle might help him. He tucks the stuffed monkey under his arm and closes the door to the children’s room. The next room has to have been the old woman’s room. There’s a bed in the center of the room with a large tree laying on it. It must have crashed through the roof here, though Waya couldn’t tell from the outside. A dresser has also been crushed by the tree. An oxygen tank is propped up at the end of the bed. It’s empty. Waya suspects it might have been the cause of the old woman’s death. There’s nothing here he can use, so he shuts the door.

The next room is just the bathroom. Two doors are attached to it, one leading from the hallway, the other towards the last room of the cabin. It is a small and clean bathroom, aside from a few medicine bottles on the floor. He picks them up, shakes them, and tosses them into a trash can. They’re all empty. It’s shallower than the other rooms and there isn’t a window giving the impression that another room is behind it. A large mirror that takes up half of the back wall. Waya avoids staring at his reflection. He doesn’t want to see the dark circles under his eyes, or the way his cheek bones look like they’re going to break through the skin of his face. He instead turns his attention to the bath tub. There’s no soap in it, and it sinks his heart a little as a proper bath would boost his mood tremendously. He just sighs and looks under the sink. One bottle of shampoo briefly excites him, but it’s barely got enough soap in it to wash his hands with. He stands and walks out of the bathroom.

The last room of the cabin is the master bedroom. A large bed is in the middle of the room, a white feather comforter sits neatly on top as if the bed has never been slept in. A bedside table is on either side of the bed and lamps sit on top of them. Two large windows are also on either side of the bed, both unbroken, completing the perfectly symmetrical room. Waya wanders over to the table on the right first. Inside it’s drawer is a magazine and some sudoku puzzles. He tosses the objects on the bed and finds a box of matches underneath next to a box of cigarettes. He takes the box of matches and stuffs the objects back inside the drawer before shutting it. The left table only has a large book inside, so he shuts the drawer back and looks around for anything else. There’s two doors aside from the one he came through. One led to the bathroom, the other is open to reveal a huge walk in closet. Clothes line all three walls, but there are no boxes, or suitcases of any kind. Waya notices that this is the only room in the cabin with a closet, there isn’t even one in the hallway. He wishes he could ask the owners why. Waya nods to himself, satisfied. “This is where he’s staying.” He says.

“Waya!” Waya’s heart skips at the sound of his little brother’s voice. He’s terrified of something. Waya drops the flashlight and the stuffed monkey and barrels through the house stopping just outside the front door. Stumbling through the yard is an old man, except he is one of the infected people. His grey hair is messy and caked in mud. His clothes are torn and muddy as well. The expression on his face is rabid and angry. Waya can practically hear him snarling from the porch, though he’s still far away. Waya leaps down the small steps and walks in a long semicircle towards the old man. The man follows trying to keep Waya in his sights. Waya is almost five feet from him when he screams and leaps at him, grabbing at his face and arms. Waya sidesteps keeping his leg out and the old man stumbles and falls. Waya drops to his knees on the old man’s back and plunges his knife into the back of his head before the man can throw him back off. “I really hate zombies.” Waya says cleaning his knife in the grass. He gets to his feet and searches for Jake on the roof. The little boy is sitting over the doorway with his face buried in his knees and his hands over his ears. He’s rocking back and forth, and no doubt mumbling his chant over and over. Waya smiles and climbs the steps back onto the porch. He lifts himself up onto the unstead roof, with some difficulty, and crouches next to Jake. He reaches over and places his hand gently on his brother’s shoulder. Jake looks up at him with tears in his little brown eyes and blinks in confusion. Then he throws himself at Waya and hugs him as he cries. Waya rubs his back. “It’s okay, Jakey. You’re going to be just fine.”

“I was afraid he was going to hurt you and then I’d be stuck up here forever!” Jake cries dramatically throwing his arms into the air. Waya chuckles. “How many times do I have to tell you, kid? I’m indestructible.” He says, ruffling Jakes curly brown hair. Jake giggles through his tears and wipes at his eyes. Waya picks him up and jumps off the roof landing awkwardly with his added weight. Jake bubbles up with laughter and squeals, “Again, again!”

“No, that hurt.” Waya says. Bouncing up and down to stretch his ankles sending Jake into more squeals of delight. He carries Jake into the house making sure to grab his backpack from beside the door. “Alright, it’s not the best, but it’ll do for the night.” He says. “Here, hold these.” He hands Jake the can of mystery food and box. He’s stopped laughing now and takes the objects obediently. “It smells bad in here.” Jake observes. “Yeah, but you’re not staying in this part of the house. You’re staying in the back. It’s not so bad back there.” He carries Jake through the cabin.

“I’m gonna stay in here?” Jake asks when they reach the master bedroom. He’s looking around like he’s unsure it’s safe and looks especially nervous at the windows.

“No. You’re going to stay in the closet. It’s big, and there’s no windows. There’s the bathroom,” he says, pointing, “and I’m going to cover these windows. Stop worrying, you’re only staying for the night, and you should be asleep the whole time. Let me worry about everything. Okay?”

“But what if I need to pee?”

“There’s a vent big enough for you to crawl through right inside the closet.” Waya explains smiling. He brings Jake into the closet and shows him the vent. He had been thinking about it when Jake had screamed for him. The vent makes a hole in the wall large enough for Jake to crawl through, if he takes the vent part out of the wall. And it connects to the bathroom, so Jake shouldn’t have to leave the closet at all. “It leads right to the bathroom.”

“But I can’t crawl through that, Waya. It’s too small.” He says, closing one eye to look through the little slits in the vent.

“I’m going to take off the vent part so it’ll just be a hole.” Waya says laughing so hard his sides hurt. “Oh, that makes sense.” Jake says trying to look like he understood, but still looking confused. Waya goes about his work unscrewing the vent from the wall with a screwdriver he keeps in his backpack. “Alright, all done. See what I mean?” He asks allowing Jake to investigate the new hole in the wall. Jake giggles and crawls through the opening into the bathroom and then turns around and crawls back. “Okay, I get it.” He says. “Now, let’s make you a bed.” Waya says. He begins pulling all of the clothes from the hangers and piling them into a corner. “What are you going to do with all of those, Waya?”

“I told you, I’m making you a bed. These clothes will make a nice nest for a little dinosaur.”

“Rawr!” Jake says and hops around the closet pretending to be his favorite dinosaur, the Velociraptor. “Oh, that reminds me. Here.” He gives Jake the velociraptor figurine he found in the living room. Jake runs around the closet with the figurine pretending it’s real and making it play with him. Waya used to play dinosaurs with Jake all the time, it was his favorite game. They hadn’t played in a while, and it’s nice to see Jake having fun. Waya finishes piling the clothes into a huge pile in the back corner of the closet and pushes them down in the middle to form an indent big enough for Jake to sleep in. “Waya, how am I supposed to get out of there? It’s too deep.” Jake asks coming up beside him.

“You’re too smart for your own good, Jakey.” He says, ruffling his little brother’s hair again. Waya leaves the closet for a moment and comes back with the feather comforter from the bed.  He lays it out on top of the clothes completing the comfortable nest. He leaves the closet again and when he comes back, he covers the two windows with some of the extra blankets he wrestled out from under the tree in the old woman’s room. He digs around in his backpack for his lantern. He turns it on. It’s a wind up lantern, so he doesn’t have to worry about batteries or matches. “Alright my little dinosaur. Time to get you ready for bed.” Waya helps Jake into some pajamas and pours him a small cup of water from their water supply to help him brush his teeth. “Tell me a story, Waya. About dinosaurs.” Jake begs, as he climbs into his bed.

“Let me think about it a minute.” Waya answers as he covers Jake up. “Oh, I have one, but first…” Waya stands and goes into the bedroom to retrieve the small stuffed monkey he had thrown on his way outside. Both the monkey and the flashlight had come to rest under the edge of the bed. He gathers them up and brings them back to the closet. He gives the monkey to Jake who giggles and holds out his hands for his new toy. Waya gives it to him and he hugs it happily. “Now I’ll tell you a story.” Waya says.

‘In a lost land of tropical forests, on top of the only mountain in the region, trapped inside an old volcanic crater system, lived the last ever group of large, ferocious dinosaurs. For thousands and thousands of years they had survived all the changes on Earth, and now, led by the great Ferocitaurus, they were planning to come out of hiding and to dominate the world once more. Ferocitaurus was an awesome Tyrannosaurus Rex who had decided they had spent too much time isolated from the rest of the world. So, over a few years, the dinosaurs worked together demolishing the walls of the great crater. When the work was done all the dinosaurs carefully sharpened their claws and teeth in readiness to terrorize the world once again. On leaving their home of thousands of years, everything was new to them, very different to what they had been used to inside the crater. However, for days the dinosaurs continued on, resolute. Finally, from the top of some mountains, they saw a small town. Its houses and townsfolk seemed like tiny dots. Never having seen human beings before, the dinosaurs leapt down the mountainside, ready to destroy anything that stood in their way… However, as they approached that little town, the houses were getting bigger and bigger... And when the dinosaurs finally arrived, it turned out that the houses were much bigger than the dinosaurs themselves. A boy who was passing by said: "Daddy! Daddy! I've found some tiny dinosaurs! Can I keep them?" And such is life. The terrifying Ferocitaurus and his friends ended up as pets for the village children. Seeing how millions of years of evolution had turned their species into midget dinosaurs, they learned that nothing lasted forever and that you must always be ready to adapt.’

“What does adapt mean?” Jake asks with a yawn. “It means you have to change when everything else changes.” Waya explains. “Like us? Did we adapt?”

“Yes, in a way. I think we’re still adapting. Now get some sleep, Jakey. I need to go find some food.” Jake nods sleepily and closes his eyes. After a minute he begins to snore lightly. Waya gets up and empties the remains of their food from his backpack in case Jake wakes up hungry and picks up the box he found in the freezer. He sits in the middle of the floor and holds the box in his lap contemplating whether or not he should open it.  The box is blank, except for a small inscription on the bottom, though he can’t tell what it says. There’s a rusted metal latch on the front. Waya pushes at the latch with his thumb and it lifts with hardly any effort. He holds his hand there contemplating the risk of opening it. If there was another rat inside, or maybe the owners of the cabin had a thing with collecting and freezing bird heads or something strange like that, he might just have a heart attack. Curiosity wins, as it always does, and he lifts the lid. Inside the box isn’t another rat, or bird heads, but a needle and thread and a gun. Waya checks the gun and is delighted to find it’s fully loaded. He packs the needle and thread and puts the gun in his belt. Waya makes sure to lock every door on his way out and shoves the couch in front of the front door since it doesn’t lock. Then he leaves through the old woman’s bedroom window where the tree crashed through.




© 2016 MightyMouse



Author's Note

MightyMouse
Still need to know if it sounds better. It took all day to do just these three chapters and I'm unsure of my next day off. So be patient for the rest of the chapters.

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Reviews

Wow, this chapter was beyond incredible. If I wasn't hooked before, I certainly am now.
I'll be honest with you: if the entire story revolved around these two, I would read this for the rest of my life. I'm not kidding.

If I haven't already told you, characters are my thing. That's why I even read or write anything at all. Characters are my favorite element in stories; specifically SIBLINGS. And boy, oh boy, have you created quite the pair.

I love this duo. Waya is incredibly noble for what he's doing. I loved the little detail you added about not wanting to see his reflection in the mirror. I found it to be such a powerful scene. A sentence he says totally describes me, too, by the way (in case you care): “My curiosity is going to get me killed someday.” That's me 100%.

Now, on to my absolute favorite character in your entire story so far: Jake.
I love everything about him. But the part that made me fall in love with him was his reaction to fear (as weird as that may sound... I know it's not your typical reason for falling in love with a character). Mental breakdowns are some of my favorite things in characters. The way a little 5 year could manage to calm his inner darkness astounded me. I read those 2 scenes where he's up on the ceiling chanting like 3 times. I loved it that much.
He's really funny and adorable, too. Especially when he almost fell into the whole. It made me chuckle.
Oh, and you totally made me swear in one part..."Jake says trying to look like he understood, but still looking confused."... I literally said (out loud, I may add) "Oh my God, he's so f***ing cute!"
Yeah, I blame you if anyone heard me say that here, haha.

I'm so sorry that this review is so long (and probably boring) and that I pretty much just fangirled about the characters the entire time, but I had to tell you how much I absolutely adored this chapter. I digested every single word like it was the last. The beautiful characterization that you portrayed throughout the entire chapter made my heart flutter. Such professional characterization. Seriously.
Brilliant, magnificent job. This has been your best chapter by far.

Posted 1 Year Ago


MightyMouse

1 Year Ago

I was hoping Jake would become a favorite. He's my favorite too. I modeled him off of my own sibling.. read more
Poopewpachoo

1 Year Ago

Well, you're doing a fantastic job!
This was your best chapter. Everything seemed to flow better and the story within a story is always an attention grabber. Great choice and can't wait to read more. Only saw a few grammar errors but the flow was much improved.

Posted 1 Year Ago


MightyMouse

1 Year Ago

This is one of my favorites too. Waya is my favorite character out of all of them and Jake I always .. read more
This was a great chapter. You described the house well, and the two characters play off each other nicely. I noticed that both "zombies" so far have been killed in exactly the same way: with a knife in the back of their head. If this is intentional, I applaud your consistency. One thing many people don't ever consider in an apocalypse setting is that they don't NEED to explain what happened. Whether or not you're planning to go into that is up to you, but if you're considering not revealing the nature of these "zombies", or how the world ended, let me tell you that that's totally fine, and you're handling it well so far. The most important thing to remember if you decide on that route is consistency, which you have. I don't NEED any narrative explanation about these "zombies"; so far, they've all behaved the same, and the people who encounter them have dealt with them in the same way, which has gone a long way to cementing all these stories into the same setting.

Speaking of all these stories, I'm curious what your plan is for them. Are you going for a sort of Lord of the Rings style of storytelling, where several storylines are unfolding simultaneously, and they'll all tie together by the end? If this is the case, I'd adjust the frequency in which you switch to another character. Having two or three chapters at a time focusing on one character isn't a bad thing, and can even help the pacing. As it is now, I'm getting a very stop-go-stop-go pacing, which will most likely grow old soon. I get it if you're just trying to introduce everyone first, and are then planning on slowing down the roulette, but even then, I'd consider reshuffling these chapters. The spot you left off on with Sebastian works for going right to another character, because he was knocked unconscious in a cliff hanger (pun intended), but Pip still needed to go check out that Walmart, now that she got the bolt cutters, and Waya - where is he going, exactly? When it was mentioned in the beginning of the chapter, I was looking forward to learning why he wasn't planning on staying with his brother for the night, but then the chapter ends. The chapters ending right before Pip goes to Walmart, or Waya goes off on his secret adventure are both fine, but switching the narrative at those points becomes frustrating for the reader. Maybe there's a narrative reason why this wouldn't work, and I'm only a couple chapters away from learning why, but keep in mind all the same that these's aren't great spots to leave these characters and go learn about someone new.

A log cabin in the middle of the woods that has black marble counter tops sounds like a new cabin to me. If not "new", it would still be extremely well built. I find it hard to believe that the place is simply falling apart. The tree through the wall is one thing, but why is the ceiling in the living room collapsed? If it was another tree, or other external force, that's fine, but I would have liked to see it. If you're content to just have the place falling apart, I'd just get rid of the counter tops, because they just seem out of place here.

Great chapter, I hope you found all this helpful.

Posted 1 Year Ago


MightyMouse

1 Year Ago

Of course I found it helpful. The cabin is falling apart simply because of the year it's spent alone.. read more
I'm still looking for clues as to a time frame. If he was expecting there to be running water, then this all would have been fairly recently, unless this is a cabin with its own well. Some things beg explanation. Why was the lady apparently allowed to live until her O2 ran out, when there was such an incidence of violence to put blood everywhere? Why exactly would a rocking chair look 'out of place' in front of a fireplace? The place would be swarming with bacteria, not fit to stay in. Have you ever smelled a dead body?
I was glad to get a firmer sense of what happened, even if when is still missing. I really loved the story Waya tells Jake. I normally don't ever like the story-within-a-story but this was short, imaginative, and seems like it really would lift little Jake's spirits. As with the others, I'm curious about the ages of those involved. Waya seems like a big brother, but could just be a friend. I think that ought to be mentioned in their introduction; if it's saved as a reveal for later then maybe at least mention that they aren't brothers.

Posted 1 Year Ago


MightyMouse

1 Year Ago

It's explained later. It's been a year. And it's not about zombies. That's also explained. It's in t.. read more
Christopher Miller

1 Year Ago

No worries, that's what we're here for! I applaud the effort and I want to encourage you. I admire.. read more
MightyMouse

1 Year Ago

Thanks. I think of this stage as my muscles stage. I put down a skeleton and made it sound a little .. read more

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Added on August 20, 2016
Last Updated on August 22, 2016


Author

MightyMouse
MightyMouse

Dayton, TX



About
I enjoy writing and I want to know if other people enjoy my writing. I live in a house full of seven people, three of them children, thirteen dogs, and ten cats. I have a twin sister with only one leg.. more..

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A Chapter by MightyMouse