A Poem by Shane Lestan

It’s funny. I know I’m strange.

It’s like trying to piece together a stranger inside my own head who I have never taken the time to get to know.

I can’t even begin to fathom the trauma that created this odd beast inside my own psyche that I don’t even care to question.

It’s just there. It’s not a he or a she, or a they. It is just it.

I know how people look at me with side glances and odd expressions in their heads that I will always claim to be able to hear.

It’s obvious when I put pen to paper just how true their expressions truly are. It only takes one glance to see as much is true.

But how do you even begin to deal with this stranger who has thoughts and feelings completely foreign to your own? Thoughts and feelings that relate in no way to the things you feel and say, or even dare to put to paper and then after, you show your shame to the world and lay yourself naked in front of thousands, millions of people?

I often wonder if they have figured it out without knowing the absolute truth.

I am not my written words nor am I my strange fantasies lived out through childhood trauma that I will always be disgusted by.

I do not share this stranger’s desires, nor do I wish to ever entertain them in my waking mind. Well, nor in my subconscious.
I am just a freak dancing between flowery words that paint a larger picture of this thing that lives inside me.

© 2017 Shane Lestan

Author's Note

Shane Lestan
This was written after a friend made a particularly cruel joke about something traumatic that happened to me in my childhood by accident. I say 'accident' because it wasn't meant to come out, but it bothered me for days. It made me feel like I was even more messed up than I say out loud, even though the joke was just tasteless and touching upon some very sensitive material.

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Added on November 1, 2017
Last Updated on November 1, 2017
Tags: trauma, emotional


Shane Lestan
Shane Lestan


I write a bit of everything, but mostly things that make my heart sing and allow me to pour my emotions bare on paper - positive or negative. I'm in love with romance and complex love stories that inv.. more..