In Her City

In Her City

A Chapter by Hannah Rose

In her city there was no shouting.
In her city there were no maddening cries.
In her city there was no bouting.
In her city there were no “whose wrong or rights?”

In her city no one was named
In her city everyone’s minds were the same
In her city no one was defined
In her city everyone with names were shamed

In her city silence was sanity
In her city communication was minimal
In her city noise was maddening
In her city it’s effect was not subliminal

In her city “Old Times” were filled with angry terror
In her city “New Times” were not faced
In her city “Old Times” were banished from the border
In her city “New Times” had no place

In her city where there were no flying birds
In her city where it would rain but not snow
In her city where there were no spoken words
In her city discovery would be slow

In her city there was no shouting.
In her city there were no maddening cries.
In her city there was no bouting.
In her city there were no “whose wrong or rights?”



© 2018 Hannah Rose



Author's Note

Hannah Rose
I apologize for grammatical errors. I am having trouble finding someone to correct them, so feel free to rip into those mistakes. I’m welcome to any critiques! Especially on if you think the story is at a good or bad finishing point. Please tear it apart!

My Review

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Reviews

Writing a full blown prose without dialogue requires deep stream and flow to keep your readers up. I am up! At a point though I wondered if they were dump and enjoyed gesturizing or perhaps I missed reading the point that they were. I am surprised at Progress, the noiseless and silence symbol and character. The title reflect the whole plot. The city, the people, the heart. The only sound in the story is the rain. You have been able to equate th rain theme to the ear plug music. The chance to listen. The pencil to write.

You evoke the emotions about our lives today. How often do we listen?

But this make me wonder the mind of the author while writing this. Hannah, why use young Harper? Not old Harper? Why venture into the lonesome mind of teenagers more than the aged. You made it sound as though your target audience is the teen. Well done.

Posted 3 Months Ago


Hannah Rose

3 Months Ago

Thank you for all your reviews! I really appreciate them and they have been positively helpful!
Mirror

3 Months Ago

You're welcome..... : )
So to end, simply go through and polish up spelling/grammar errors, and be careful of times when you repeat words and phrases in close proximity -in this chapter, for instance, the word "building" appears a couple of times in close proximity (paragraph 4) and that tends to sound bad when read (try figuring out ways to describe things differently to avoid the awkward and monotonous sound of that kind of repetition). Other than that bravo! Wonderful story that I'm sure will go places. Well done!

Posted 3 Months Ago


Hannah Rose

3 Months Ago

Thank you so much for the reviews! I am considering them all and they are very useful!
emipoemi

3 Months Ago

You're very welcome. Glad I could be of service.

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Added on October 9, 2017
Last Updated on January 3, 2018


Author

Hannah Rose
Hannah Rose

TN



About
I am 20, a barista, and a student. I plan on teaching English as a second language in a foreign country after graduating college, and I love to write. I am also a Christian and hope to use my writing .. more..

Writing