We could do better

We could do better

A Poem by Kesha
"

......

"

We could do better


We could do better
We could do better

If only you had tried
If only you had listened

To what I had to say
To what I had to give

But I know I'll be alright
Without you by my side

We could do better
We could do better

Stop your mind from spinning
Stop driving yourself crazy

Why should I be
the one hanging on?

Why should I be
the one dragging this weight?

We could do better
We could do better

You only need to try
You only need to care

And I know I'll be alright
if you wish to leave me tonight
if you wish to give up on us

But I know with all my heart
that if you'd just give it a shot
we'd be perfectly okay

We could do better
We could do better

If only you would try

You could do better

© 2017 Kesha



Author's Note

Kesha
Most punctuation left out on purpose, let me know your thoughts as I am unsure of this one. Thanks 😘

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Reviews

I loved the last two lines the best! Really great piece overall!

Posted 3 Months Ago


Kesha

2 Months Ago

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it
This seems to have the line-repetition of a song, along with a more simplistic message, as most songs do. If I analyze this as poetry, I'd be tempted to use a different measuring stick. My dislike would be that the narrator sounds a little whiney to me, like everything is the other person's fault, which is never true about relationships that end. But for a song, this is a common refrain, so it's more agreeable, I guess. I like your writing, which is clear & heartfelt. I just disagree with this viewpoint of love & heartache.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Kesha

3 Months Ago

Oh I agree, it was meant to be more song like. I don't really like this one as a poem, as I wrote it.. read more
Yes! Tellin' the truth at the end - "You could do better". Love poem with hard truth in it. Another job well done.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Kesha

4 Months Ago

Thank you very much!! I'm glad you liked it :)
Repetition can be key to emotion in writing, and you did it pretty near perfectly... Tonight will be all right, with a shot give it a heart... Heh, well penned...

Posted 4 Months Ago


Kesha

4 Months Ago

Haha thank you for a great review :)
Silente

4 Months Ago

My pleasure
Plaintive, vulnerable, heart-breaking poem. Great unbroken flow, rhythm, rhyme and use of repetition. Poignant plea to a loved one to "do better"- blind love sets us up to fall. We are left with"If only"....So honest and courageous-" I know I'll be alright". Yes. Beautiful!

Posted 4 Months Ago


Kesha

4 Months Ago

Thank you for such a lovely review!
I enjoyed the flow of words. I liked the positive energy of the statements. Thank you dear Kesha for sharing your amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 4 Months Ago


Kesha

4 Months Ago

Thank you! & you're welcome lol
Coyote Poetry

4 Months Ago

Always a pleasure to read your work.
Ahh this hits hard to me. We keep on reminding ourselves that we'd be okay but it's easier said than done...
The repetition here works very well. I like the switch from 'we' to ' you' in the last lines. Nicely penned, Kesha 👍

Posted 4 Months Ago


Kesha

4 Months Ago

Yeah it is much easier said than done and thank you I'm glad you liked it and that switch too :) it'.. read more
Dr. YumnaKay

4 Months Ago

True that 😶
You're welcome, Kesha. A pleasure always reading your works 😊
Well written Kesha,
I sense the feeling of unspoken words in this one, the times that the storyteller could say what they feel, yet the feeling of dread approaches.

Willing to accept what the other party needs to do, however wishing that it would only turn around the other way.

I implore you to review some of my writing, in there you'll see my journey and the inevitable reaching of this exact same point.

Posted 4 Months Ago


Kesha

4 Months Ago

Thank you for another lovely review, I will give your pieces a look as well and let you know my thou.. read more
Wow...
I'm actually left kind of speechless by this. I'm not sure what it is about it, but it gives me this haunted, empty feeling. I can sense almost dread when I read this. A perfect picture of a onesided relationship, a desperate reach to someone who's just too far gone.
Very powerful

Posted 4 Months Ago


Kesha

4 Months Ago

I'm glad I left such a strong reaction on you, thank you for the wonderful review I'm glad you liked.. read more
Sinbulvinter

4 Months Ago

You're welcome!

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Added on May 30, 2017
Last Updated on May 30, 2017

Author

Kesha
Kesha

About
I enjoy writing poetry and reading in my free time. My overall favorite thing to do however is spending time with my loving husband and 2 wonderful little boys. more..

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A Poem by Kesha



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