Orange (Peel)

Orange (Peel)

A Poem by Asante

When held to fire
I couldn't fill you with substance,
couldn't spill you a cup of water, but
one can cry enough 
to provide a replica.
Your wintry croon wept
away the life in a dahlia and 
the fruit of a Passiflora 
couldn't quiet the cancer up.

Overflowing
river of December blizzards.
I couldn't make you rain, and
I couldn't stain your glass, and
I never broke your wind, not in inches, so
we withered. We'd peel oranges over
our wreckage to find them seedless.
I penned you a chorus, you've yet 
to hear it--you're deaf.

Jumping over messes like puddles,
we missed the message: maybe we
were too skinny to love each other, breaking
what could be seamless into makeshift
puzzle pieces; spinning happiness into
frigid evenings atop discolored leaflets
With fog and rain in a bucket, wash us 
from this ugly, seedless, and orange
form of loving. Orange is ugly.

© 2018 Asante



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Featured Review

Well, Asante, my young friend, you certainly have a way with words. This piece describes love...lost...unrequited...with a sad undertone that the connection cannot continue.

One little thing (of course) in the line 'makeshift
puzzles pieces' perhaps puzzles should be singular or make it possessive.

No matter, it is a good write. A very good write.


Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asante

1 Week Ago

I'm late to your review, my friend. It got lost in the shuffle, but I always appreciate your insight.. read more



Reviews

a very wonderful writing. filled with emotions deep withing the heart

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asante

1 Week Ago

Thank you, Boygene. Kind commentary.
"Jumping over messes like puddles,
we missed the message: maybe we
were too skinny to love each other, breaking
what could be seamless into makeshift
puzzles pieces; spinning happiness into
frigid evenings atop discolored leaflets.
With fog and rain in a bucket, wash us
from this ugly, seedless, and orange
form of loving. Orange is ugly."

The best lines for me. I loved the way you have correlated two things.

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asante

1 Week Ago

Thank you very much, Fahmida. It's good to see you around these parts again, even if briefly. :)
puzzles pieces; spinning happiness into
frigid evenings atop discolored leaflets.
With fog and rain in a bucket, wash us
from this ugly, seedless, and orange
form of loving. Orange is ugly.

Awesome lines here, this is a very good write.
I enjoyed

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asante

1 Week Ago

Thank you, very much so.
Well, Asante, my young friend, you certainly have a way with words. This piece describes love...lost...unrequited...with a sad undertone that the connection cannot continue.

One little thing (of course) in the line 'makeshift
puzzles pieces' perhaps puzzles should be singular or make it possessive.

No matter, it is a good write. A very good write.


Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asante

1 Week Ago

I'm late to your review, my friend. It got lost in the shuffle, but I always appreciate your insight.. read more
"Your wintry croon wept
away the life in a dahlia and
the fruit of a Passiflora
couldn't quiet the cancer up."

What a power house of a piece!!!! This is my favorite, by far. I love your juxtaposition of thoughts. The incongruous aligns perfectly!

The meter of this poem very much intrigues me. I go back time and again to hear the words rolling away. That is exactly the "sound" I find in it, like a wave, rolling away back out to sea, taking the orange with it.

HUGE KUDOS and standing ovation on this one. You've outdone yourself. This one is going straight to my favorites!

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asante

1 Month Ago

The takeaway that you got from the meter and pacing of this is beautifully unique. Honestly, it fits.. read more
Poetic License

1 Month Ago

No way my poet friend, THANK YOU. Your poetry is a rare gift to those of us who read it. Enjoy you.. read more
Asante

4 Weeks Ago

I'm honored by that! Have a blessed holiday yourself!
This is just simply wonderful.
So much to admire in this.
The second stanza is remarkably woven. An impressive display of simple words, exquisitely chosen.

"Makeshift puzzles pieces"
That's really cool.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asante

1 Month Ago

Ah thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed this one.

I wanna challenge you to take "makeshift pu.. read more
Really love this one! Interesting lines, and overall a complex but heart felt story! I love how you use all these different symbols and metaphors to express a broken love! Also, the last line is so captivating, love love love it!

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asante

1 Month Ago

Hey, thanks the most! I'm grateful for you enjoying this like you did!
'maybe we
were too skinny to love each other,' well, this is interesting. I don't think I've read anything heartbreakingly roman-tic of yours, Sante, but this is brilliant. Seems like the pouring of the heart...
There are so many things we'd have loved to do, but maybe it's all a case of bad timing or rather ugly truths ...
I love the second stanza the most. Touching write. x

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asante

1 Month Ago

Thanks, Yumna. Rode a different route as far as sharing goes. I write a fair bit of these, but don't.. read more
Closed

1 Month Ago

Then I have yet to read more of this side of you ;)
Of course. You're welcome, Sante 😊
A poem about oranges..
Very interesting. I think you gave such an importance to this citrus fruit by your well used metaphours.
Also, if someone would read the poem in a different way than I read it, the poem could turn very dramatic.
But I liked the message and the structure.
Congrats!

100/100

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asante

1 Month Ago

I appreciate your opinion on this, Jes. Thank you!
The imagery of this is exquisite, I personally found the last lines of the second stanza and all the last quite powerful.
-G.A.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Asante

1 Month Ago

Thank you, my friend. I appreciate that! Glad you enjoyed this.

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284 Views
10 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on December 13, 2017
Last Updated on January 9, 2018
Tags: poetry, heart, mind, love, thoughts, feelings, water, separation

Author

Asante
Asante

NY



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