Torn Wings

Winter can be devastating for the little things...

Winter had approached,

eveything was searching

for a hiding place.

A desperate call to outlive the frost...

......

I was sitting by the fire,

My darling and I, drinking tea,

warmth and bare desire,

steam twirls up to me.

 

Our resting heads were light with bliss

we looked out of the window,

into the darkest, cold abyss

that once was a green meadow.

 

We didn't see the butterfly,

knocking on the glass,

her panting breath and helpless cry,

creating patterns of icy stars.

 

The twirling wind took one last breath

and blew under her wings,

the butterfly rose high above

and felt a thousand stings.

 

She then lost every sense and thought

this was her bitter end,

her torn wings of black and white,

no warmth would ever mend.

 

Reviews

[S Sanders]

Arianna, it gets stronger & tighter starting with the 3rd stanza. Of course, I like the story aspect from the very beginning; however, to give it a poetic feel, like it takes on in the 3rd to 6th stanzas, a few extraneous words could be taken out in the first two. Example: Winter had approached/everything was searching/for a hiding place/a desperate call to outlive the frost

I was sitting by the fire/my darling and I drinking tea/warmth and bare desire--/steam twirls up to me...

In other words, the and's and the's

I'm not an expert, just pointing out a lil tidbit that once pointed out to me once. Either way, I loved reading it, as always:-) ....And I hope you're not mad with me.

[.:Arianna:.]

Thank you everybody for your kind words. Have a nice weekend!

[Cherrie Palmer]

Congratulations on your win, this was well done.

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

Nice job with the 10. Congratulations on your win!

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Beautifully written, but sad. Poor butterfly. Great write!

[Helena]

Enthralling! I enjoyed this poem, the lively descriptions drew me into the story, where I almost felt I was that little butterfly. Beautifully done! Thank you for submitting this to Tovli's Ten Contest. Helena :)

[angelina neves]

beautiful poem

[Pebbles]

This is beautifully sad , the combination of warmth and coldness is brilliant

[Richielee]

this is exquisite writing, literally a work of art so well written and I'm drinking tea myself right now : ))