A Sinner's Confession

A Sinner's Confession

A Poem by R. J. North

This is what you made
I refuse to believe that I could ruin the creation that is me
The more I give into myself the farther I fall
Between you and I I've built a wall

Self control and denial
Concepts unbeknownst to me
I've walked my path of transgression for miles
But where is the route of recovery

How could this be me?
I cover my ears to drown out the noise
But you can't kill your inner voice
Covered by my shame I hide
My demons they pull from the inside
They place shackles on my feet
Lock me in a room and throw away the key

Broken and guilt ridden I stand
Lord please take my hand
This is my guilty plea
Only you can save me

© 2017 R. J. North


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Featured Review

This is a good piece. I enjoyed the concept, as it is both relatable and powerful, but I do have a few small critiques to give (they are only opinions, so do what you like with them); the flow is alright, but could be better. The line "I refuse to believe that I could ruin the creation that is me" feels out of place compared to the flow of the rest of the piece". It's not a bad line by any means, but I feel it could be more concise. Also, if you really want to make a piece all the more powerful, try to steer clear of utilizing cliches such as "Lock me in a room and throw away the key". This is, of course, optional, but if you give people more of what they haven't seen before, they tend to be more inclined to stick around longer. Those are my only major suggestions. To reiterate, this piece is good. I could feel the emotion in it, but that emotion seems like it could be delivered in an even more powerful manner with a few tweaks. Keep up the good effort. :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

R. J. North

2 Years Ago

Hey thanks for the review! I know that one line is a total cliche but there was a point i wanted to .. read more
DoormanDan

2 Years Ago

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's not always about creating the most original lines possible. Somet.. read more



Reviews

Hi, your poem is very powerful and and creates the feeling of being written while experiencing strong eratic emotions, (Which i believe it was)

A few notes:
1."I refuse to believe that I could ruin the creation that is me" this line feels out of place and a little too long.
Try it a different way like " eternal, this creation that is me" not that it would fit im just giving an example of a different structure.

2. "Between you and i" should be "between you and me"

3. Initially i thought "Lock me in a room and throw away the key" was a little cliche, like the comment below, but i think its cool that its cliche. Like its cliche because all of humanity feels trapped sometimes. So its cliche in a relateable sort of way.

There a parts that could be stronger, the emotion is there but the exact words that would express it perfectly is occasionally missing.

Posted 2 Years Ago


My favorite type of writing to do myself is more emotional pieces like this one, so I definitely appreciate the writing. Its a really good piece and can definitely connect with some readers. Nice work :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

R. J. North

2 Years Ago

Thank you! It was something that had been on my heart for awhile finally just decided to get it out... read more
AndrewWrites

2 Years Ago

Poetry nd writing is definitely a good way to get those feelings out. Keep up the good writing! :)
This is a good piece. I enjoyed the concept, as it is both relatable and powerful, but I do have a few small critiques to give (they are only opinions, so do what you like with them); the flow is alright, but could be better. The line "I refuse to believe that I could ruin the creation that is me" feels out of place compared to the flow of the rest of the piece". It's not a bad line by any means, but I feel it could be more concise. Also, if you really want to make a piece all the more powerful, try to steer clear of utilizing cliches such as "Lock me in a room and throw away the key". This is, of course, optional, but if you give people more of what they haven't seen before, they tend to be more inclined to stick around longer. Those are my only major suggestions. To reiterate, this piece is good. I could feel the emotion in it, but that emotion seems like it could be delivered in an even more powerful manner with a few tweaks. Keep up the good effort. :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

R. J. North

2 Years Ago

Hey thanks for the review! I know that one line is a total cliche but there was a point i wanted to .. read more
DoormanDan

2 Years Ago

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's not always about creating the most original lines possible. Somet.. read more

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Added on February 1, 2017
Last Updated on February 1, 2017