It was LOVE

It was LOVE

A Story by Aurora (MC)
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It's a friction, written in first person account.

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I saw him for the first time on 25th January, 2012. He was my new neighbour. Every day I used to see him in a park where little kids played. You can a see perfect scenery of the sunset from there. He always sat under a tree and saw nothing else but the sunset. It looked like a perfect photograph as nothing moved and the sun seemed to be fixed in the sky on that particular point.

Once I took my 5 year old nephew to that park. I was taking photographs of the sunset for my workshop. That week I got no orders for my paintings so I had a lots of leisure time to spend in photography. I was so Involved in my photography that I didn’t noticed that I was going to hit by a branch of a tree above me. “Look!” someone said. The voice went ran into my nerves and it thrilled me from my tip to toe. I dropped my camera. It was the same man,… my new neighbor. The most embarrassing thing is that I dropped my camera on his lap. “Oops! Sorry” the words came out of our mouths so simultaneously that it seemed like one voice. I picked up my camera and said “Sorry” again and left the place.

The next day, he was at my doors. I suppose, my sister opened the door. “Hey! May I come in?” he asked. I was so involved in my painting that, I was going to fall into the canvas in some moments. Again that thrilling voice... It made me jump out of my chair and my water mug fell on the floor. “Oops!” we said together again and gazed at each other with a little embarrassment. “Of course! Come in…please come in” I said. I had to remove my things thrown on floor before his wheelchair could enter my room and then finally he settled himself at a place. “The sunset looks beautiful!” he said, looking at my painting. “Will you give this to me when it’s done?” he asked. “Well…” I was about to say but he stopped me again. “I will pay you for this.” he said. “No no… it’s OK ..I will give it to you.” I said. I didn’t felt to ask him for a payment. I could see his utmost desire to have the painting. He spoke a lot about himself and about Belgium. Belgium was the place where he lived before. He met an accident which caused severe damage to his spinal-chord and he got paralysed with a very limited movement of his hand. He was a sculptor… and while saying so his voice trembled and I could feel how much he loved his work. His was really devoted to artworks and he had a real love for them. I kept listening to his words like a 3 year old kid. At the end, he reminded me of the painting and gave me a smile. I seriously loved the smile!

I gave him the painting in some days. We started having regular conversations and sometimes we met at each other’s homes.  And gradually became good friends. I showed every new artwork I made and he really enjoyed seeing them. Sometimes he would place orders for some paintings. He showed his sculptures that he once used to make. Things went well for a few months. One day, he told me that he won’t live anymore. It was the most shocking moment. This was the first time, he seemed to be hopeless. I didn’t knew, how to react. There was an unpleasant silence. “I love your paintings, don’t let them cry when I am gone.” he said to break the silence. I kept staring at the floor and spoke nothing.

That night, I saw an ambulance arrived at his home. It was the most horrible night I had. After a few weeks, he returned home. I went to see him. He was lying on his bed. As I went in, he smiled at me. His nurse left us alone. I sat by him. “Glad, you are fine.” I said. “Glad you are here” he replied. “These are the last hours…I guess. Thanks for coming here. I have something in that drawer.” He said. There was an Orchid carved out of wood. I took it out. “This was the last one, I could carve.” He said. “This is really beautiful!” said I, looking at him.  This was the last conversation, we had. He died peacefully in his sleep that night.

I saw him in his coffin for the last time. He wished, to have the painting of the sunset buried with him. That day, I realized his true love towards my paintings. Though, he wasn’t alive, I could still feel the lively smile on his face even on that last day.

True love still exists, be it for an artwork or be it for another heart. Love is as pure as the sunshine, as joyous as butterflies and as beautiful as flowers. Every soul craves for love, be it for some moments of for years. It’s the only true justice to all pains. I wonder how someone became so important for me just in a few months. I believe it was LOVE.




https://inkgirl.webnode.com/

© 2018 Aurora (MC)


Author's Note

Aurora (MC)
Hope, I did my best...Hope you like it. Please don't forget to leave a review for me.

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Reviews

Thank you for sharing this story. I believe in love also. Just sometimes. It does happen by chance. Meeting that special someone. You can never forget no matter what happens in life. Good or bad. And this stories explains it so well. Sadly he died. But you never forget. But he gave you something someone can never replace. Even if you find love again with someone else. You had something between you both. And you gave him happiness before he passed.

Posted 11 Months Ago


A wonderful story shared and I believe in love too. I liked the set-up of the story leading to the hopeful ending. Thank you for sharing the amazing story.
Coyote

Posted 12 Months Ago


It's not a bad story, but it needs some description.
Example: instead of,"I saw him for the first time on 25th January, 2012. He was my new neighbour.", Tell US something ABOUT him, so we can see him, too. Something like: I saw him for the first time on 25th January, 2012.I remember the exact date because he would change my life. He was my new neighbour, and the first thing about him that struck me was that he was in a wheelchair. He had very limited movement of one hand...yet he was an artist.
He also had the most beautiful smile that I had ever seen."

Posted 1 Year Ago


Aurora (MC)

1 Year Ago

I agree... it really lacks description. This story is actually for saving an ideas, I didn't wanted .. read more
angel

1 Year Ago

You're welcome. Good luck fleshing it out. I simply cannot write that way. For me, it kind of comes .. read more
I, also, think it was love. What a lovely account. You experienced a rare thing; unconditional love, despite all the odds. I am happy for your love, yet sad for your loss.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Aurora (MC)

1 Year Ago

It's a Friction... Not a personal experience.
Anyway Thanks
Well, you DID ask… So keep in mind that I really am trying to help. 🤪

Look at the opening as an acquiring editor might:

Fact #1: I saw him for the first time on 25th January, 2012.
Fact #2: He was my new neighbour.
Fact #3: Every day I used to see him in a park where little kids played.
Fact #4: You can a see perfect scenery of the sunset from there.
Fact #5: He always sat under a tree and saw nothing else but the sunset.
Fact #6: It looked like a perfect photograph as nothing moved and the sun seemed to be fixed in the sky on that particular point.

So why did I break it up this way? Because your first paragraph, the first impression the reader gets, is six fact-based statements. There’s no flow. Nothing builds on the previous line. Like soldiers they stand at attention, counting off, while the narrator, someone the reader knows nothing about—and who they can’t either see or hear—begins talking about something for which the reader has no context. Look at this as the reader, rather than the one telling the story sees it.

Line 1: Saw him? Who is “him? The term implies that this male is important to the speaker. But he’s not important enough to have a name? Seriously? Never forget, that at this point, the reader doesn’t know who’s talking, or why. So because this is overview, not action, the story has not yet begun, because you’re opening the story with a lecture, not story.

And given that we don’t know where we are, or who these people are, why does the date matter to the reader? Had it opened a day earlier does that matter? If it happened twenty years ago, would that change the story. And even is the date matters, the reader will have forgortten it by the time they need it.

2. Given that the reader has no idea of where we are, who’s speaking, or their age and situation, they lack all context to make this meaningful TO THEM. Clarifying later, even if it’s one line later, helps not at all, because there is no second first impression. And confusion cannot be retroactively removed.

Remember, your reader is with you to be entertained by having something interesting happen. Yet you open with a lecture and overview. Why not have something happen? Take a look at the last modern novel you read. Does it open with someone explaining things like this to the reader? Few novels do.

3. For all we know, this person is talking about a creepy neighbor, who stalks kids. Or, it could be that he is a kid. No way to tell. But how the reader takes this line depends on who’s being talked about, and the situation as it relates to them. But we don’t know who’s speaking. A kid, him/or herself? An adult? An alien who’s studying humanity? You know. The one speaking knows. That mysterious “he,” and lots of people in the story know. Fair is fair, shouldn’t the one you wrote this for know? How can this hold meaning for a reader if they don’t know who’s speaking, why, and who’s being spoken about?

4. Why explain what a good view it is when you talk about it being perfect in the next line?

5. This line makes no sense. No matter the time of day he saw the sunset? How can the speaker know that? You’re writing cinematically, and talking about what you visualize. But the reader can’t see it, so it matters little to the plot or the action.
- - - - - -
The short version: Story happens. It’s not talked about—especially not in overview. The reader comes to you to be entertained by being made to live the story in real-time, not hear a summation of events provided by the emotionless voice of someone they cannot see or hear. Have your computer read this aloud and you’ll hear that what the reader gets is very different from what you intended.

The reason I make this point so strongly is that there is a story-killer that’s inherent to having a dispassionate outside observer explain the story—one that’s not obvious, and is missed by most hopeful writers. So you have a lot of company in this.

Created that way, the plot drives the action, because you will assign behavior according to the needs of that plot, even if the character’s situation and personality may dictate some other action if they have the choice. And because you are looking at it as the plot and don't take her viewpoint into account—her needs and desires—she'll be smart when that's needed, and turn as dumb as necessary if you command that. She, and everyone else, because you dictate, will speak with YOUR voice and think as you do. How can a cast of characters, mirrors of you, and reading scripts, blindly, seem real?

And because your view is external, invariably, you will forget that the reader doesn’t know some of the things that you take for granted, and will leave out what’s obvious to you but necessary to the reader. Added to that, you’ll rush ahead to get to the parts you see as important, and forget that while it’s your story, it’s HER life. And life must be lived, not talked about by someone not on the scene and blocking the reader's view of her.

So: the plot says she has to be mesmerized by his voice. But she thinks about it, and how it impacts her, not at all. She wonders about why it does that to her not at all. Were you her, and such a thing happened, wouldn't you spend the evening wondering, speculating, and perhaps researching? Perhaps she did, but you skipped over that. How can she be our avatar if we don’t know what her internal reaction is? It’s what drives her action, so it matters to her. And if it matters to her it matters to the reader. Plot can only be appreciated in retrospect. But her internal and external struggle to control her environment is what keeps the reader turning pages. So your mort important task is to make the reader care, and keep on caring. Plot? It's what makes you say, "That was a good story, when you finish. But writing that draws the reader in, and entertains them is what makes the reader turn the page.

So... Is he handsome? Who knows? Is he married? Working or going to school? How can the fact that she likes his voice be meaningful to the reader’s perception of the action without our knowing that (or at least her thoughts as to that)? How can she seem real if she’s blindly following the script without ever thinking over the situation and deciding what should be done—and what shouldn't be? Doesn’t who and what he is matter to her? How can she be our avatar if, instead of her living the story as we watch, we’re reading a summation by someone not on the scene, who claims to have once been the person living the story? In other words, we’re hearing about it second hand. We’re being told about this person’s history. And who wants to read the history of some events in a fictional character’s life? History is boring because it’s immutable. It’s already happened, so the events are immutable. But life is lived in our moment of “now.” And if we are placed into your protagonist's now, the future is unknowable to both the character and the reader. And that makes it interesting.

The shorter version: Your English teacher would be pleased because it’s a concise report. But then, your English teacher was focused on training you in business writing, to ready you to hold a job, not giving you the professional techniques of the fiction-writer. So you can write reports, essays, and letters pretty well. But try to use nonfiction skills for fiction and it will, invariably, read like a report or essay. And that’s what you need to fix.

So dig up a copy of either, Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict, which is the easier of the two I’ll recommend, or, Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer. It’s the better one, but also not as easy a read. The choice is yours, but they are the best I’ve found. And whichever you choose, read it slowly, with a stop each time a concept is introduced to think about how it relates to your writing, and to practice it in order to make it yours.

I know I’m not making you happy with this, given the thought, work, and emotional investment you’ve made. But you did ask, and I thought you would want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/


Posted 1 Year Ago


Aurora (MC)

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot for you read this story so minutely. I agree... it really lacks description. This story.. read more
well i liked it,great story

Posted 1 Year Ago


this was pretty sweet, you did a good job, it was sad and I liked it, you should watch Me Before You this story reminded me of it

Posted 1 Year Ago


Aurora (MC)

1 Year Ago

I have read the Books, Me Before You, Still me... They are some of my favorite books.
WeakFreak

1 Year Ago

cool, I didn't know there were 2 I should read those
The ultimate measure of a good first person story is when a reader believes it's a true story that you are telling from your own experience. That's how your story feels. I get the idea from your other comments that this is not a story from your life, but you tell the story like it is. This is a beautiful story that makes it clear you accept people with limitations or not, without even thinking about it. I like the way you don't reveal the wheelchair right away (I'm in a wheelchair & I don't like it when this becomes my main identity -- it's just a tool I use becuz my legs are bad). But your story brings awareness of disabilities in a way that honors people with disabilities. My only complaint is that your story goes from one thing to another in a bit of a rush . . . would like to see more smooth transitions when you begin a different time or place. Think about being a movie camera. When you go to film a new spot, they often start out by showing some details that are artistic, yet predictive of what's to come in the story. A new phase in a story can be begun like a new movie scene -- use all the senses, too (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Year Ago


Aurora (MC)

1 Year Ago

First of all thanks a lot for the review.
I know that the story was like it's written in a r.. read more
barleygirl

1 Year Ago

It's good to do a quick draft of an idea so you don't lose it. Thirty years later, I can't put mysel.. read more

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Added on October 16, 2018
Last Updated on October 16, 2018

Author

Aurora (MC)
Aurora (MC)

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Hello!...This is a sweet little troublesome girl... I am a young artist and I love reading and writing. I am something like addicted to books. I have a silly habit, that is I sleep with a book in m.. more..

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