Slim Lady

Slim Lady

A Poem by Apollos

A comedic lament over Christian dating. Fueled by realizing I was no longer romantically interested in a girl I had just started dating. Wrestling with self pity and faith in God for marriage.

Attention. I need your attention please...
I’m looking for a real Slim Lady.
Can a real Slim Lady please stand up?
That question was rhetorical.
See me after class if you didn’t get that cause I need to get metaphorical.

I feel like spitting like Slim as I get irreverent with my hymns.
It was evident that I really needed to get express what was pressin’ Em.
Her name is Rachel but I feel like I’ve gotten Leah.
Hi, my name is...

Are women more than just making babies?
Can she give me more than just making me sexually crazy?
Come on God just give me more ladies.
Brady Bunch in this business, I’m Wayne Brady.

I’ve wanted a wife for half of my life.
It’s caused me to be quite in strife.
I prayed to Mary and she said don’t be so contrary.
I looked in the dictionary and “try hard” was right next to my name alongside the obituary.

I found her at the mall doe does that mean I can take her to Cabo?
Is her grandparent’s mobile home better than the Grato?
Should I keep dating the newest super model?
Is mind over matter the same phrasing?

She just looked at me.
Does that mean her plus me equals Trinity?
Did I triangulate the signs to find she thinks I’m mighty fine?
After we dine is it her place or is it mine?

Yes, I opened the door for her.
I said “God bless you!” when she said “Ahchu”.
I even thought her pet Pikachu was kinda cute.
But am I just a bore to you when you think of last night’s stew?

Let’s play Pictionary and I’ll need you to draw out all the things you need me to do.
I’m feeling kind of blue as each way I drive this car it seems we drive off a cliff no matter what we do.

Co-Pilot Jesus says fly low and she will find something wrong that she’d like to fill.
Hipster Jesus said stay still and she will find you chill.
Disco Jesus proclaimed dance the night away and you’ll sweep her off her feet.
Don’t be cheap as Bachelor Jesus condescended to buy her all that shows up in her Facebook recommended.

Bring in the Optometrist and let’s correct my vision.
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and gains favor with the Lord”
Grab Your servant by the thigh and tell him he better not lie when he finds that woman who no longer wants her bucket to be dry.
No compromise as You must be the apple of her eye.

© 2020 Apollos

Author's Note

Using my pain to poke fun at Christian & societal relationship stereotypes. Lamenting on the intersection I see of it in the Church and in my own life.

My Review

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Well done Apollos!!

You’ve managed to capture the depth of your mind set when you wrote this. This is something else. Kudos!

Posted 9 Months Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


9 Months Ago


Very glad to have female approval on this one. Lol

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1 Review
Added on October 9, 2019
Last Updated on February 27, 2020
Tags: Christian, Dating, Comedic, Lament, Rap



Lubbock, TX

In Christ I’m a Nerd-Jock-Poet-Zealot. I desire for others to find their unique identity in Jesus. more..

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