Thirst of a Vampire

Thirst of a Vampire

A Chapter by Rose
"

I wrote this poem thinking about vampires and the person I have feelings for.

"
Creeping, creeping
Into your home
Smile because you will never know
With skin as white as snow
I can't see myself
On the wall
In square and straight piece of glass

I don't want to awake the screams
You will be so scared
Lying, sleeping in your bed
I creep closer and closer
To your bed side
I stare at my victim
A young handsome man
His eyes shut
With fair brown hair
Alone surrondered by clouds
Clouds stuffed with feathers
And an angel to sleep on the cloud

The angel, my victim
I look upon this starry night
My heart made of wax
With wick hanging out
He lights up my wick
My heart burns and melts
Melting and melting
As I stare, at his bed side
No longer do I want to hurt him
But I can't resist
I smell blood
It makes me thrist

BLOOD
I have been waiting for this night
The horror he will turn into at night
Blood sucking monster like me
I am about to ruin this angel
Just by a drink of blood
I don't hate you angel
It's just without blood
I can't live

I command your eyes shut
Not a sight of me creeping
Feeling pain
Of the fierce fangs piercing
The blood sucking on your neck
The loss of blood
Your neck getting thinner
The blood dribbling down my chin
Like I just drank a bucket full

Morning, you will awake
With a fright
You will see two holes in your neck
In the glass straight and square
On your wall
Like scars they won't go away
Your skin pale with your neck thin


© 2012 Rose


My Review

Would you like to review this Chapter?
Login | Register




Reviews

I really liked this poem. It was mysterious and powerful. Keep it up. ^^

Posted 10 Years Ago


I have to agree with The Classy Lady in her review and add, that the poem in general felt a little weak. To me, it lacked an "oopm", the knockout punch so to speak.
The part with the pillows as clouds and victim, as an angel, felt particularly weak to me.
There is also another instance of repetition with
"I have been waiting for this night
The horror he will turn into at night" - the word "night" does not work for me on both lines. You could replace one with words like: dark, after dark, gloom, twilight, etc...

Good effort :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


I think it can be drawn out especially at the beginning stanza. There is room for growth.

And the fourth stanza kind, I suppose, is meant to set the fact in motion that its a vampire that tells this tale. However, I felt an abrupt end of the love. I would have liked that you continued the connection between the idea of love and vampires. That's what I expected and that stanza threw me off a little bit.

Otherwise, I think this could be expressed a lot more because the diciton is simple amazing. Good job.

Posted 10 Years Ago


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
nyi
ok...although i really hate reading love poems..i can't say i don't like this one for it is such a combination of two opposite forces fused at one point...so i think this is really , seriously creative and also i couldn't help thinking why isn't this the other way around? i mean the boy has to be vampire and the girl has to be the victim...i'm just telling what i wanted to read..nice write..

Posted 10 Years Ago


wow this poem is awesome. Awesome work! this is a good poem

Posted 10 Years Ago


You start out in this poem with a very nice meter and get back to it every now and then. I'd like to see that beat maintained throughout. The meter is a set up for the theme by invoking thoughts of some of Poe's writing. The cloud and angel analogies work pretty well and tie together nicely. The analogies of light, wax and wick in the third stanza are the strongest of the poem. Good work.

Posted 10 Years Ago


This is a very good vampire poem

Posted 10 Years Ago


This is an awesome Vampire poem. Good Job :D

Posted 10 Years Ago


A nice dark poem. you did the vamp scheme wonderfully. Keep up the good work.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Congrats on this creepy, but wonderful piece!

Posted 10 Years Ago



First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

829 Views
14 Reviews
Rating
Added on May 12, 2010
Last Updated on June 28, 2012
Tags: vampire, bite, fright, horror, scary


Author

Rose
Rose

United Kingdom



About
If your love is dead Then you really wouldn't care My laughter will carry on Through out the night I think and I know I plan before I hurt I think of what I do You can fight back And I'll find.. more..

Writing
Fallen Fallen

A Poem by Rose


Writing To You Writing To You

A Chapter by Rose



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..





Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5