Dueling Paraiso Pilots

Dueling Paraiso Pilots

A Story by barleygirl
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excerpt from my upcoming book . . .

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Here’s to all the insufferable jackasses I’ve suffered! Nuttin’ more fun than painting a word portrait of a slithering snake. This passage is based on someone from my youth . . . 70% mostly true and (the part I love) 30% embellishment, pumping up details until the portrait becomes a laughable caricature.

Dueling Paraiso Pilots (excerpt from my upcoming book) . . . by Margie Willis

Rounding the corner of the Lodge, she spots Perry striding down the hill with his hand outstretched like a politician ready to win her vote and he’s decked out in pastel pink polyester as if trotting off to hit the links at Pebble. From a distance he oozes daunting dignity, but the closer he gets, the more crimson and bloated and scowling Meg can see he’s become. The years have not been kind to Perry.

Despite looking ancient, far beyond his years (he’s only one year older than Meg), he still exudes the self-satisfied high school football star, a banty c**k strutting under all that muscle-turned-to-blubber. He’s always been impressed with himself due to his self-worth before age thirty and he’s smitten with the image in his mirror since he hasn’t lost a hair atop his thick blonde head. It never occurs to him Meg may see the same dog t**d (except a bloated version) that she often had to scrape off her shoe when they were back in high school. No expanse of personal prestige could pretty up the pompous a*s standing before her.

“Hey there little chicky! Not lookin’ too shabby yourself!” When Perry reaches Meg across the grassy slope, both his arms crane toward an embrace while she cuts a wide dog-leg detour around the dude.

“Would Violet be up in her trailer fixing lunch?”

“Well, no . . . here’s the thing. Violet won’t be fixing lunch today. That was my ruse so I could see you and talk to you, Meg. When I heard you moved into one of these shabby cabins up here, to tell the truth, I couldn’t believe it. You, Meg? The hip slick capable skank I knew in high school? . . . living in a one-room shack? What happened, did you stumble into tricky times? I just had to come up here and see for myself, since it doesn’t make a cunnilingus of sense to me.”

“You’re still sweet as maple syrup.” Meg is appalled by this moron. She’s got one arm wrapped around her waist, with the other propped up so her clenched knuckles are a crutch for her gaping lower jaw. Her offense doesn’t get a chance to fully ripen from the first insult and he’s already three slurs down the pike, steamrolling his smug diatribe.

“I hope you’re not hungry. I was so eager to see you again I didn’t think to bring anything for a quick picnic. I would say let’s drive into town and get a bite, but I’ll be taking clients over Paraiso soon and that nets me a cool triad of c-notes. So, of course I cannot cast off my loyal paying customers, but I would be delighted to take you up over Paraiso for free. Wanna do that with me someday?”

“I can fly myself nowadays, thank you very much.” This is more material than Meg cares to hand him because he’s a hawker who uses any tidbit she gives him against her, pressing and prying his way into her life.

“You actually got your pilot’s license? Well, I’ll be tarred and feathered. I could never fathom why they let a woman driver, ruthless as they may be on the ground, get her pilot’s license! Har-de-har! Har! Har!” Perry inflates during their bantering and sticky saliva pools at his mouth corners. Meg deftly ducks a spit missile that occasionally cuts loose from his yammering maw.

Despite murmuring the serenity prayer while walking up here, Meg can’t resist blowing this dumbass up. “You know, Perry, I have a hankering for Violet’s chili rellenos and you’re a piss-poor substitute. Your scheming ploy chews like horse s**t when I expected Nutella on toast.”

“You haven’t changed a bit, Meg. I used to love it when you played hard-to-get, but I always knew you had the hots for me. It’s obvious you still crave me even as you push me away. It’s understandable. Now I’m married with two boys and you wish you were the one grunting out my beautiful blonde babies. Well, remember this, my bouncy babe. You’ll be back, begging me to take you way up high over the Santa Lucias so we can buffet back-and-forth with the up drafts and down drafts.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Nevermind . . . I don’t give a floop. I’m flinging this parody as far as I can throw it.” Such absurdity exceeds Meg’s willingness to untangle nonsense so she spins and strolls to her cabin, refusing to glance back.

© 2020 barleygirl


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Featured Review

Meg’s reactions were quite cool and restrained , if you ask me. I’d have kicked his fat shin multiple times and twisted his something for good measure when he told her she wished she was grunting out his babies!

Wonderful character sketching, Margie...he appears so ugly and repugnant. I can almost smell his foul breath from here...

We come across quite a few of these types and I make sure they know I can’t stand them.

Great dialogue between the two. Thoroughly enjoyed this very entertaining read.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

3 Weeks Ago

Your review matches my outrageous style, pound for pound! Love it! Hooted so loud, the napping dogs .. read more
DIVYA

3 Weeks Ago

You write humour so well! It’s wonderful to be able to laugh together over something! Hugs back.... read more



Reviews

I read this with my breakfast, Margie,and sprayed my half chewed pancake back into the plate. Now that was fairly gross, but that's the best I can manage to match your description of one of your admirers.
Your parodies will have to come with hazard warning category in future. But please.....keep 'em coming!!
((( Hugs 'n barfs))) Norm.


Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

I wasn't planning on putting this guy in my story, front & center, but he's such a pig, I can't resi.. read more
70% mostly true; oh yes! Met the type before, to stupid and self absorbed even to see when they're having the p*** taken out of them. :))

Much enjoyed.



Beccy.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

You are so right-on about this kind of guy. I wish I'd learned sooner in life not to let a guy like .. read more
AAAgh- "sticky saliva pools at his mouth corners"- a visceral image that I can"t unsee! Masterfully wrought details, descriptions, images and characters in this - and I have to say it again- excellently 'Steinbeckian' tale. Adversarially feminist and funny as H^ll! So glad to be able to read your stories ((Margie))! xo

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

I have a weird affliction where I love writing yukky scenes that cannot be unseen. There really was .. read more
Meg (Margie) I can't imagine her tolerating such an a*s! He doesn't need anyone to love him, he loves himself more than enough! I know you had told your readers earlier that Perry is wealthy, but I don't believe that entitles gross pig. I am so glad that Meg was able to show such restraint in dealing with this character you developed.
Take care - Dave

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

Becuz you made a comment about Perry being a cheapskate, from an earlier excerpt, I wanted to share .. read more
barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

PS . . . you're right about why I chose a name for my heroine that's so close to my own name . . . *.. read more
Dave

2 Weeks Ago

Margie - you are incredible! Okay - I'll go along -let's see just how badly you can screw this Perr.. read more
Heh, enjoyable read with no drag time. I think to scenes and characters similar to these I've met and waltzed with in my life... and in my advanced age today, I'd have no patience even for banter and the encounters would end up in insult, bloodied noses or... worse. lol Good choice for an excerpt too. Good stuff.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

About half the books I read (& I read many) have too much small-talk menial-BS filler junk for my ta.. read more
dearest Marge... a bitter and abusive sort of guy...
a pompus rude and crude dude... Now I will tell you
I only met this sort of guy once and learned a lesson
embedded in my soul... "never never entertain an
angel thrown out of heaven". You are quite a story
teller... if truth be told. truly, Pat

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

Last evening, I was writing in my book, as usual. This guy Perry has showed back up in my story & he.. read more
Patricia Wedel

2 Weeks Ago

You are welcome Margie... wish my muse would wake up. truly, Pat
Still chuckling... I swear I know BOTH of them... dayam gurl! I do hope Roarke stops by, he'll love this!

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

The ultimate compliment! I love it when such a caricature is recognizable! Thanks for stopping by ((.. read more
Meg’s reactions were quite cool and restrained , if you ask me. I’d have kicked his fat shin multiple times and twisted his something for good measure when he told her she wished she was grunting out his babies!

Wonderful character sketching, Margie...he appears so ugly and repugnant. I can almost smell his foul breath from here...

We come across quite a few of these types and I make sure they know I can’t stand them.

Great dialogue between the two. Thoroughly enjoyed this very entertaining read.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

3 Weeks Ago

Your review matches my outrageous style, pound for pound! Love it! Hooted so loud, the napping dogs .. read more
DIVYA

3 Weeks Ago

You write humour so well! It’s wonderful to be able to laugh together over something! Hugs back.... read more

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Added on January 4, 2020
Last Updated on January 4, 2020

Author

barleygirl
barleygirl

Central Coast, CA



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