E-mails Into the Void

E-mails Into the Void

A Poem by JR

Lately, I’ve been dropping e-mails into the void

Somehow the stretch of electronic pixel word sandwiches seems only to increase the feelings
of displacement

I don’t know how to explain, actually

Think if I did then I wouldn’t feel displaced

There’s this need to write, a hunger that gnaws at my fingers and eyes until

        perception
                bends
and I find myself ancient sleep deprived hunched over timeless abyss of words and empty vessel thoughts

And still my world is tilted
as though I was attaching in the most obscene way to the permanent life I thought I had
constructed within the four walls of brain and organic matter

I don’t know what’s wrong, maybe just good ol’ fashioned depression I have struggled
my whole life to date

This is awfully honest, for me

Usually I like to clog things up with mind puzzles and a lot of f**k words

Maybe I’m getting old in my young skin, smoking too many cigarettes and perched on the edge
of a life gone soft and moldy

Things aren’t really as bad as they’ve been, but I’ve been dreaming entire worlds
and wondering a lot lately if the creations of my skull are not unique
if the words I put on the screen are my own or if they simply flow through me
from some hidden collective subconscious universe wide and expanding exponentially

Then there are those e-mails…

hadn’t really thought about them, sent in a moment of trembling fantasy and open hearted

meant everything I said but I’m both dreamer and lover

typed out every word in the manner I write, as though someone else was scripting the phrase
and I’m just the conduit allowing the whole damn mess to come together

hit send

and tumble off into oblivion

I’m a lost soul sometimes, even though the idea of the soul is rather Catholic and I’m trying my best
to be Buddhist

If there is a single person in this world who never suffers his soul to be lost,

then I’m a sorry son of a b***h

© 2008 JR


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Featured Review

Bravo, friend.

The eternal search for the meaning of life is a struggle only the humble man must face. It's funny that I could completely identify with you on this particular piece... I was one to write heartfelt e-mails to my loved ones until I realized I was the only one writing. Then, the pain of reality smothered my desire to do so.

An aging mind is not too bad-- for with age of mind comes inevitable wisdom. Perhaps we age quickly because we have an understanding of the world we live in, or who knows, it may be my cigarette smoking as well.

Anyway, great job on this piece. It's different, and I don't mean it in the euphemism type of way.

Peace,

A. Tremaine

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is awfully honest. Trembling, hoping, reaching. We all find ourselves on the edge of the void. Lining the precipice with words trying to balance ourselves far enough away from the edge. Wanting to be found. To find the gaze of someone who understands.

Finding this, made my day.

Posted 10 Years Ago


I like the prosey-reflection layout and tone of this piece JR. It's appealing in the same way that an honest, open-minded conversation [or email] can be; enough personal detail to make it friendly, while the generalities of being human help make it universal.
Feels like the kind of poem we write when trying to cleanse.

Great work. I see what I've been missing during Cafe absence now.

Posted 10 Years Ago


"hit send

and tumble off into oblivion" --

We all go through what you are in - the emails, the depression, the realization of too much booze and cigarettes and not enough of it to make us beg off -

it may pass.

I can't say for sure, it's a battle I think I've settled every other day.


Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bravo, friend.

The eternal search for the meaning of life is a struggle only the humble man must face. It's funny that I could completely identify with you on this particular piece... I was one to write heartfelt e-mails to my loved ones until I realized I was the only one writing. Then, the pain of reality smothered my desire to do so.

An aging mind is not too bad-- for with age of mind comes inevitable wisdom. Perhaps we age quickly because we have an understanding of the world we live in, or who knows, it may be my cigarette smoking as well.

Anyway, great job on this piece. It's different, and I don't mean it in the euphemism type of way.

Peace,

A. Tremaine

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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4 Reviews
Added on October 18, 2008
Last Updated on October 18, 2008

Author

JR
JR

SLC, UT



About
Back because Writer's Block will kill me if I stay away. Oh, and because C. Boylan gives great motherfucking review. Click here to visit Writer's Block and read her outstanding writing. Click here .. more..

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